It must be hard when you’re a high-caliber criminal working at the top of his/her field to scan the headlines and see lesser crooks getting attention. This one stole a tricycle from an autistic child. This one streaked the Olympic torch. Amateurs! You call those crimes? Fine. But then what were those eight years spent in a Chinese prison learning how to bend your opponent to your will and contort your own dark soul into a compressed diamond of pure will fueled by revenge even about then?! On the other hand, it is nice when a true mastermind (or in this case, a pair of masterminds) gets the credit and attention that he/she/they deserve. And so, after years of planning, two drunken college girls who stole a dollar bag of barbecue chips out of an open garage on their stumbling walk home to the doors finally brings the civilized world to its knees.

Some women just want to watch the world barbecue. (Via BlameItOnTheVoices.)

Comments (39)
  1. Real life Trailer Park Boys.

  2. They stole chips? Sounds like these criminals are just Laysy.

  3. And the hippies say legalizing pot will reduce crime – but what about potato chip crime, hippies? HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT?!!?!

    Oh Vancouver Island, never change.

    • I grew up on Vancouver Island! It’s already changed loads. Everything is condos and the house my mom bought for 30k in the 80s and sold for 90k in the 90s is on the market again, but for 500k. I left the gate open when I moved away and all the retirees poured in, I suppose. Apologies, Van Isle. Apologies.

      • My parents recently retired to Chemainus(stereotypes!) and the place where my mum goes to buy regular supplies is a straight-up pot greenhouse. She was trying to buy fertilizer and they didn’t believe that she wasn’t speaking in code about her “tomato plants.”
        And re: house prices, the same thing happened here in Edmonton.

    • I never understood that argument. Of course legalizing pot reduces crime. Legalizing anything reduces crime, because there are less crimes to commit! If guns are legalized, only legalizes will have guns!

      • I don’t know if there is an argument that it would reduce crime, more that crimes committed while drunk likely wouldn’t be committed while stoned. Also, people would just leave their house less.

        • It would reduce crime in the ‘simplest’ sense, that you aren’t charging, arresting, and jailing a bunch of people for possession. In the long term, many people that leave jail become repeat offenders, even if the ‘first’ time was just possession. Similarly, as was the case with prohibition, the crimes associated with the business of selling and distributing something illegal to ‘buy’ or ‘own’ is more than just a bunch of possession and distribution charges. Something illegal is unregulated and lucrative, and thus you have turf wars, assassinations, illegal guns, theft, robbery, etc, etc, etc. The usage of pot doesn’t seem to lead to criminal activity, outside of the crimes involving the pot being illegal in the first place. However, having pot illegal, creates a number of side crimes in order to protect the growing/distribution wings of a lucrative business that cannot use legal means to protect themselves.

  4. Backwards-walking reporter, cop in press conference, close-up of chip bag, “too yummy to pass up.” If the cop hadn’t cracked up, it would’ve been a pretty good ONN piece.

  5. “Apparently the chips had been accessed, so keep a phone in your bedroom!” – Sgt. Dean Jantzen, Saanich Police Public Relations Professional

  6. I CAN’T WAIT TWO YEARS TO GET AARON SORKIN’S TAKE ON THIS!!!!

  7. TIPPY TOE! TIPPY TOE!

  8. Did that lady list chocolate chips as one of her favorite kind of chips?

  9. Why aren’t their heads flapping?

    PS: That cop is hot.

  10. Hide yo wife, hide yo chips

  11. “O Canada, not my home or native land, true snackfood love in all your daughters command, with glowing heart I hear thy 3 minute report, the True Laughter strong and free.”

  12. Ok this Jantzen guy is a food cop?

    http://www.timescolonist.com/6887075.bin

  13. It’s clear they meant to call in the Sammich Police, Chips Crime Squad.

  14. I love the description of the effervescent chip bag, which made it sound like it was paired with pop.

  15. I’ve watched this entire video and still can’t determine what the fuss is all aboot.

  16. Sure it starts with chips, but soon they’ll be lifting cases of beer out of open garages. Then small appliances. Then a car, a boat and a major work of art.

    WHEN WILL IT END?

  17. If you leave your garage door open when you go to bed at night, you are pretty much asking for stuff to get stolen. Everyone knows that.

  18. See you guys we have real crime in Canada too.

  19. How in the world did nobody make this joke?

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