People Magazine‘s yearly declaration of the “sexiest man alive” is one of the world’s most important and sought-after things that a magazine no one cares about can call you. Last year the winner was Not Ryan Gosling, a mistake that People Magazine and everyone else will never hear the end of, ever, for the rest of both our lives. (It does makes you wonder, though, how many scorpion jackets do we have to send to the People offices before they correct their mistake?) (IT HAS BEEN MONTHS.) But this year a group of people are taking some preventative measures — an online petition, to be sent to People on July 9 – to make sure that their Ryan Gosling, Tom Hiddleston, doesn’t get looked over in the same way, so they don’t have to feel the pain the rest of us feel to this day. From the petition:

Tom Hiddleston is an actor who personifies sexy and we want People Magazine to know it.

Sexy by definition is handsome, physically appealing and exciting. But sexy is so much more than that. It’s the way a person moves, the way they speak, what they stand for, what they do and how they live. It’s a fierce intelligence that amazes you with its insight. It’s a sense of humor that creates laughter as easily as it relishes it. It’s a joyful laugh and a perfect smile. It’s a friendly, pleasant demeanour and a welcoming personality. It is a man who speaks several languages, works tirelessly for his craft and likes to dance.

Webster’s Dictionary defines “sexy” as OH JUST GIVE IT TO TOM HIDDLESTON. So what do you think, guys? Tom Hiddleston? Have you signed the petition already? Has he hosted SNL yet? Do you think we can send the same petition to both People and SNL? Please vote in our poll, after the jump, and also sign the petition so finally someone who speaks several languages and likes to dance can GET WHAT HE DESERVES.

Tom Hiddleston?

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Thank you for your vote. We will find out who the sexiest man alive is in, like, December. (Via ONTD.)

Comments (24)
  1. I refuse to google that person. I think I’m happier just not knowing. Let the teenagers like who they like, and also let the teenagers please leave me alone.

  2. Dammit! I thought I was sexy, but I don’t speak several languages so I guess I don’t qualify :(

    • I also don’t like to dance so I guess I’m up shit’s creek. Also I’m not a man, and this seems to suggest you have to be a man to be sexy? Didn’t these people see Bridesmaids?

  3. I’m going to call this one early and say it will probably go to Chris Hemsworth. He’s in like 4 movies at the minute and every time he is on screen as Thor nothing exists in the world except for those arms. Nice try, Loki.

    • Ha, this does sound like a Lokiesque scheme. “If I can’t get them to kneel to me by forcefully taking over the planet, AT LEAST I can get them to declare me People’s Sexiest!” Baby steps, Loki.

    • Yes, my first thought was, “Did these people not see Chris Hemsworth?” My theory is that the travesty done to Thor’s facial hair in Thor gave old greasy-haired Hiddles the jump on him.

  4. What about R Kelly? He could really use a boost right now.

  5. Um, not gonna lie, I’m a big old fan of Mr. Hiddleston, so I am ON. BOARD. Not with this petition, but just, in general.

    (Does it make if better if I go the hipster route and say I liked him before Thor/Avengers? Because that is true.)

  6. That petition block quote about Hiddleston’s sexiness would have sealed the deal had it just ended with the line “… in bed.”

  7. This reads like ad copy for a person.

  8. He can’t possibly win. Like most male British celebrities, he bears a strong resemblance to a middle school teacher.

  9. Since we’re talking about Hiddleston, have you guys seen this trailer for The Hollow Crown? BBC is producing adaptations of 4 of Shakespeare’s histories and it has literally every prominent British actor you can think of involved.

  10. I’ve only ever seen him as Loki, so the thought of a bunch of ladies swooning over a pasty guy with hockey hair is seriously cracking me up guys!

  11. I’m pretty sure this guy becomes Voldemort so any vote for him is a vote for the dark arts.

  12. In 8th grade, I had to write a love letter for an English assignment after reading Cyrano de Bergerac. I don’t know where that is anymore, but if it had any passages as trite and poorly structured as that definition of “sexy,” I’d be embarrassed for my 13-year-old self.

  13. Also, can you throw one of those scorpion jackets my way while you’re at it? Thanks.

  14. I’ve been on tumblr for only a year, and #tom hiddleston is the only tag I’ve blocked. Yes, it’s that bad.

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