Look, the human body comes in all shapes and sizes and far be it from us to get into body shaming or add our voice to the deafening and destructive chorus of modern celebrity culture’s shrieking insistence on unattainable ideals of physical perfection (the cover of this week’s Star magazine is yet another installment of “Stars Without Makeup,” and you don’t need to ask me how I know that but you do need to trust me that it’s true). But, hey, here’s a thought, how about no matter what your toes look like, I mean even if your toes are just these pristine, perfectly-proportioned, porcelain (or African American porcelain) works of ART, when you are going out in public, and especially if you are going to a gala event where there is a pretty good chance that your feet will be photographed, cover them shits up. I know it’s going to be hard for you to DENY THE WORLD YOUR GIFT, but it’s fun to have a couple of secrets. You beautiful pigs. (Via Matt Tobey.)

Comments (24)
  1. This is what happens when you walk with fire.

    • Heh, but she didn’t. Moira Kelly subbed in as Donna in the movie. Which involved nudity. LFB’s publicist has categorically denied that she was afraid people would see her freakish toes.

      • Attention pals! I am a lady lawyer, young and beautiful. And now I am seeking a good man who can give me a real lo;ve, so I got on B i l l i o n a i r e F r i e n d s . C O Mit’s where to find my tr-ue LO-VE….Im lucky!! It is destined that you can also m-e-et your lo-v-e…..GO and have a try…..

  2. 4 out of 5 ain’t bad?

  3. Lara Flynn Arboreal

  4. Now she’ll NEVER star in a Signature Cup commercial :(

  5. you know sometimes that milkshake goes straight to your hips and other times it goes to your big toe

  6. Pretty sure that’s a thumb.

  7. We are all Amy Poehler now : (

  8. So real question: why was Lara Flynn Boyle walking the red carpet sans shoes?

  9. What a nightmare. The legs of all of her furniture must be wrapped with padding just to keep from stubbing that thing.

  10. Something to be said for living up to one’s name.

  11. “Who’s got four thumbs and is the HOTTEST girl on Twin Peaks? This girl.”

  12. Now we know what really happened to Megan Fox’s thumb

  13. I’m more offended that she doesn’t have a pedicure.

  14. Maybe it’s just that her other four toes are really tiny, because then it would all make sense and be totally normal.

  15. LFB was the original LL.

  16. Are we sure this wasn’t just a photoshop disaster that happened when they were trying to downsize the rest of her feet?

  17. DAT TOE

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