Hey so, you know how Cindy Crawford sprays her face with milk, apparently? For a beauty treatment? And how Terri Hatcher “swears by a wine bath” apparently? For a beauty treatment? Because the stars truly carry all the definitely correct secrets of the universe? Well I don’t know about you, but I have ALWAYS wondered if Tom Cruise used, I don’t know, something like nightingale poo in his beauty regimen. You know? It’s like you look at him and you’re like, “That’s gotta be nightingale poo.” Right? Well, as it turns out, THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE! ABOUT THE POO! From the Huffington Post:

Made popular by Victoria Beckham, the bird poop facial now has a new fan — Tom Cruise. The actor reportedly indulges in the $180* a pop beauty regime composed of powdered nightingale droppings and other natural ingredients like rice bran.

“Tom doesn’t go in for Botox or surgery, but he does pay close attention to all the new and popular natural treatments,” an unnamed source told Now magazine. “He recently started experimenting with the nightingale poo facial.”

So I think we can say the answer is,

A: Yes, apparently.

Finally. Now we can ALL have his beautiful face skin, the #1 thing that Tom Cruise is known for. Just ask for the nightingale poo facial at your local spa of choice and tell them Victoria Beckham and Tom Cruise sent you. Leave your own poo beauty secrets in the comments just kidding please don’t!

*I would like to point out that $180 is NOT THAT MUCH for a celebrity beauty treatment. I know it’s not important. I KNOW. But if we’re going to say a celebrity “indulges” in a beauty treatment, that beauty treatment better cost AT LEAST close to $1000. A normal group of girls on a girls day spend $180 on a beauty treatment. C’mon. Who’s the reality checker over there? NO ONE? Let’s all get nightingale facials this weekend, ladies!
Comments (27)
  1. Too bad it can’t make him taller!

  2. That explains the shit-eating grin in the picture.

  3. Close, he actually rubs his face with Hugh Jackman’s urine

  4. So now he’s also literally a shit-head.

  5. Technically, this is the #2 thing that Tom Cruise is known for.

  6. of all the poop to rub your face in, bird poop just seems like the grossest and most disease laden.

  7. I’ve always wondered why homeless people have flawless skin.

  8. Tom Cruise is classy as shit.

  9. I think it’s supposed to be $200, but if y’all want a discount, I have the password!


  10. i think you’ve got it wrong, gabe. It’s $180 a pop – as in, $180 per bird turd. that can add up. especially when you have a head as big as his.

  11. This is what a nightingale looks like. The poor little guy has to take about 50 shits just to make a thimble of face cream.

  12. I would do anything for ladygum, kelly, but I won’t do that (that being spending money to put bird poop on my face (it could very well be amazing (like that animal poop coffee that coffee lovers love to love) and I might be depriving myself) because eeew)

    • I tried that coffee once. My parents got a free sample, and we made a little event of it ($40 a cup coffee is an event). It was good coffee! But like, I don’t have enough of a palate coffee to think it was 10X better than a $4 cup. Also, if I were to offer you two sets of coffee beans, one that has and one that hasn’t been passed through the bowels of a cat…no brainer, you would think, right? Complicated world we live in. You really can polish shit.

  13. I’m confused. Is Tom Cruise giving or receiving nightingale facials?

    Either way, I’m pretty sure that kind of behaviour is frowned upon by polite society.

  14. I just saw on Twitter that he and Katie Holmes are getting divorced. I guess her sedatives wore off so maybe he should have spent less time getting facials and more time reinforcing the castle to keep her inside.

  15. This nightingale poop obviously ruined a very solid marriage that was not at all manufactured or weird. Because Katie filed for divorce today, and that’s the only reason I can come up with. #glib

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