Hey! Remember the Jew-hating Elmo from Central Park? Well the New York Times tracked him down and interviewed him because until the world is completely underwater, those Pulitzers are still up for grabs. And you might be very surprised to learn the man’s real identity:

The man, who said his legal name, if not an original one, is Adam Sandler, was handcuffed by the police and escorted from the park on Sunday afternoon after he was heard — and videotaped, by an English tourist — shouting anti-Semitic remarks outside the Central Park Zoo.

OF COURSE! (“The Hanukah Song” is actually a virulent screed against the Jewish Conspiracy. LISTEN AGAIN.) Obviously, you have to stay on the move or else the Jews will get you. (They are also the reason that That’s My Boy still has not sold a single ticket.)

He moved to Central Park when he felt Times Square was too saturated with Elmos.

First the star-whackers and now the JEWS. (Or are the Jews IN LEAGUE with the star-whackers? HUH, NEW YORK TIMES?) I’m not too worried about Sandler, though. The article points out that he once started a pornographic website called “Welcome To Rape Camp,” so this guy always lands on his feet. Nice try, Jews. Great article, New York Times.

Comments (15)
  1. I’m pretty sure the star whackers are out to get the Jews, if you catch my drift.

  2. “Welcome to Rape Camp” sounds a little too… welcoming? I’m afraid we’d all be really disappointed when we got there, is what I’m saying.

  3. Should have gone with a more Aryan Sesame character to waddle around in.

  4. Rape Camp should have contracted a merger with Pipe Camp, essentially Sandler should have sought me out to set things straight for him.

  5. and yet, Jack & Jill remains the worst thing an Adam Sandler has been involved with.

  6. And I had a $20 on Mel Gibson, upping the game in his mission to become the Real Mr. Cool Disguise

  7. He once dressed like Elmo in Times Square and shouted anti-Semitic slurs. Then he did it again at the Central Park Zoo. He started a Cambodia-based porn site called Welcome to Rape Camp. He is the most interesting YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES man in the world. “Stay crazy, my friends.”

  8. I want to set him up with my girlfriend, that lady from the Nebraska town hall meeting. Of course putting them together is probably some horrible Keymaster / Gatekeeper thing…

  9. I skimmed that whole article and I still don’t know if Adam Sandler is single. Is he available or not, New York Times???

    Also, props to the online editor who thought it was appropriate to hyperlink this story to the archive of articles about Adam Sandler the actor.

    • Hahaha that is great. I wasn’t that interested in approaching the pay wall for this full story, and I thank you for bringing us the best part.

  10. You had me at “Welcome to Rape Camp.”

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