As you probably already know from your “Who Is Alec Baldwin Going To Marry If It Isn’t Me?” Google Alert, but Alec Baldwin is going to marry a 28-year-old yoga instructor. Congrats, you two! It’s crazy that the homos want to get married. Marriage is a sacred bond between one 53-year-old actor with a well publicized temper and one 28-year-old yoga instructor. Anyway, the wedding is coming up soon, and obviously the invitations will be sent via SEXT. From the New York Post:

Alec Baldwin and his bride-to-be have so little faith that their A-list guests and closest relatives won’t blab about their wedding-reception plans that the details will be sent by text message on the day of their nuptials, The Post has learned.

“I’m going. I haven’t been told the location yet,” actor brother Stephen, 46, told The Post outside his suburban home yesterday. “That’s about all I can say, because he [Alec] can still kick my butt.”

I actually think that sending out text message invitations to your wedding in order to maintain privacy when you are a very famous person seems fine enough, especially when you’re on to your second or third or fourth marriage and it’s with a 28-year-old yoga instructor, but how intense is that Stephen Baldwin quote? Like, just right off the bat I love that the very first person they could think of as an example of an invitee who could NOT be trusted was Stephen Baldwin, the groom’s brother. DING DING DING, let’s go to the judges…and the judges say CORRECT ANSWER! But then also the part about how Alec could still kick his butt? As if somehow showing public deference to your more famous brother will get you more work? That’s actually my kindest interpretation of that detail. Otherwise it is just a straight up explanation of a tried and true fact that Stephen Baldwin continues to test out at each family gathering with zero success. “How about now? Can I defend myself against your physical prowess now? No? See you next barbecue.” The point is: what a fun family, what a beautiful wedding, oh to be a fly on that cake!

Comments (15)
  1. Oh man, Stephen Baldwin is the biggest contributor to date for my LOLk. I thought it was a risky investment but man has it paid off.

  2. Text From Stephen 6/27/2012: Hey bro, people are saying the weddings tmrw. Still haven’t received the location.

    Text From Stephen 6/28/2012: Press is saying the wedding happened. Are you tryin to trick them. Pls text location.

    Text From Stephen 6/28/2012: Need some $. Pls text back.

  3. If there’s a Baldwin brother you shouldn’t trust, it’s William. He gave Lily Van der Woodsen fake cancer!

  4. I like that Stephen Baldwin just hangs out on his front lawn, hoping someone will come by to ask him about his more-famous brother’s wedding plans.

  5. So glad the NY Post took the time to point out that Alec DIDN’T punch out the Catholic priest he has been seeing for pre-wedding classes. I guess the takeaway is that Alec is punching everyone all the time?

    “Yes.” – Stephen Baldwin

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