Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: How are you today?
Gabe: i’m fine thanks, how are you?
Kelly: Fine, mostly fine. Thanks.
Gabe: great
Gabe: well, this has been really nice, as always
Gabe: let’s catch up again soon
Kelly: That sounds great, talk to you then.
Gabe: bye bye
Gabe: bye bye bye

Gabe disconnected
Gabe connected

Kelly: Helloooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gabe: oh hi
Gabe: i thought you were done
Gabe: it really seemed like u were dun
Kelly: I was done and believe me I was so happy to be done
Kelly: But while you were gone I got some Chuck Norris news
Kelly: And I know you can never resist a good piece of Chuck Norris news
Gabe: weird
Gabe: i don’t know why my Chuck Norris google alert
hasn’t pinged yet
Kelly: That is weird, I’m sure you’ll get it in a sec
Gabe: what did the rascal do now?

Kelly: Well he wrote an article for — which adds to why it’s a little weird that you haven’t heard about it yet — about how a boy scouts official, along with Obama, are trying to lift a ban on gay people in Boy Scouts
Kelly: And about how WRONG that is, clearly
Gabe: “wrote an article”
Gabe: that seems like a bit of a stretch
Gabe: “wrote an article”
Kelly: It’s titled “Is Obama Creating a Pro-Gay Boy Scouts of America?”
Kelly: So I can only imagine the body of the article reads
Kelly: “yes”
Gabe:, all the news that’s fit to
Gabe: well, wait
Gabe: IS obama creating a pro-gay boy scouts of america?!?!?!
Kelly: I have to tell you that I haven’t read the article, so I don’t have all the facts
Gabe: i’m also not entirely clear on what a pro-gay boy scouts of america would even mean
Gabe: allowing gays to participate in something without fear of persecution doesn’t really make it “pro-gay” it just makes it, you know, NORMAL AND HUMAN
Kelly: Right
Gabe: “OK, boys, time to fuck each other.”
Gabe: even that wouldn’t be pro-gay though
Gabe: that would just be pro-jail
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: I unlocked the Jail Badge!

Kelly: “Ok, boys, time to fuck each other.” – Gabe Delahaye, 1906 − 2012
Kelly: Well what I can tell you about the article is that it attacks James Turley, a Boy Scouts official, who is trying to overturn the Boy Scouts policy that bans gay scouts and leaders
Gabe: i love that norris attacks a high ranking boy scouts offiical
Gabe: for trying to remove an antiquated ban on gay scouts and leaders
Gabe: by implying that he’s just trying
Gabe: to “curry favor with Obama’s pro-gay administration”
Gabe: i feel like if there is one thing you can be sure of
Gabe: in the midst of multiple wars and an economic crisis and one of the most highly contested elections in american history
Gabe: the president is VERY curious what the officials at the boy scouts of america are up to and whether or not they’re even TRYING to curry favor
Gabe: “And that is why I am using the full power of this office to nominate James Turley as the American ambassador to CandyLand.”
Kelly: Hahah, right.
Kelly: And also to have the mindset that allows you to assume a person trying to remove the antiquated rule could only be doing it for this weird roundabout reason
Kelly: So Obama’s “pro-gay” administration would perhaps take note
Kelly: Rather than just because it is a ridiculous rule
Kelly: Is quite a telling mindset
Gabe: well, then again
Gabe: it’s hard to pick up a newspaper these days
without seeing some headline
Gabe: about James Turley and his activist boyscouts of america administration
Gabe: so, maybe CHUCK NORRIS has a point

Kelly: That is true, there’s no getting around that
Kelly: He also claims that it would be un-American to lift this ban
Gabe: well, that’s kind of true
Gabe: we have a long history of institutionalized bigotry
Gabe: and of being almost impossibly slow in the progressive development towards equality and justice
Gabe: so, he’s right
Gabe: it would be un-American
Kelly: Drops the mic
Gabe: let’s wait 50 years and then apologize on a postage stamp
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: snail mail
Gabe: right, Kelly? FUGHETTABOUTIT snail mail
Kelly: I BARELY even know what you’re talking about
Gabe: i also like when Chuck Norris says taht the boy scouts represent the BEST of America
Gabe: do they?
Gabe: i mean, i have no problem with the boy scouts
Gabe: but do they really represent the BEST of America?
Gabe: it’s just an after-school club for children based around pocket knives and wooden race cars
Gabe: and scarves
Kelly: Right

Gabe: and patches
Kelly: And grown kids who wear their boy scout costumes to high school when they’re allowed to for some reason
Gabe: for years, Russia and Japan and Germany have looked to the United States
Gabe: wishing they could compete
Gabe: with our BOY SCOUTS
Kelly: That’s why we’re #1
Kelly: We teach our boys different ways to tie ropes early on
Kelly: And NONE of them are gay
Gabe: next week on The Newsroom
Gabe: and then Emily Mortimer is like
Kelly: And then Jeff Daniels is like, “Get outta here with that! Get it outta the Newsroom!”
Gabe: i heard that aaron sorkin broke his nose
Gabe: writing the news room episode about boy scouts
Gabe: in the mirror
Kelly: I heard that Aaron Sorkin berated a girl who was interviewing him because she didn’t think America had the best Boy Scouts in the ’40s
Gabe: you know how i know you’re gay?
Kelly: how
Gabe: because you’re chuck norris and you’re 72 years old and you wrote an angry screed about the boy scouts
Kelly: BOOM

Comments (58)
  1. Between this, the gay oreo kerfuffle on facebook, and the group protesting General Mills for supporting same-sex marriage, this has been a banner week for eye rolling. I’m not saying that it is definitely a ploy by optometrists to create need for their services after an eye sprain epidemic, but that is definitely what is happening.

    Also, in your face Chuck Norris. The only person I knew who was active in the scouts and became an eagle scout is gay*. THE GAYS ARE CALLING FROM INSIDE THE BOY SCOUTS.

    *Hi if you are reading this and know I am me and you are you!

    • That was a great story. A picture of a rainbow Oreo meant to support gay pride made some people so angry that they UNFRIENDED Oreo on Facebook. Hahaha, these times we live in.

    • “gay oreo kerfuffle on facebook”

      Hahahaha, I have no idea what you’re talking about and also I don’t want to know because this shit is straight up jokes.

      “gay oreo kerfuffle on facebook”


    • Don’t forget One Million Moms boycotting JC Penney again, for having a Mother’s Day ad with two mommies and a Father’s Day ad with two daddies. And I didn’t even know they ever lifted their original Ellen-based boycott!

      • They lifted the Ellen boycott because they’re no bigots. It’s simple, really. They will generously tolerate gays, and in exchange they expect the gays to be invisible and have no rights.

        • You know you live in a wacky funhouse of a country when things like Ellen Degeneres, Oreo Cookies, and the Boy Scouts of America are major sources of outrage.

          • This helps. Thanks. I will try to sweeten my outlook whenever the phrase “moronic twirling death contraption” pops into my head, by replacing it with “wacky funhouse.”

      • One Million Moms. The group that got so many people mocking them on facebook for their anti-Gay Lantern stance, they up and left the internet for a little while. (They went on a ‘retreat’, so no one could maintain the page … apparently all ‘million’ of them were on the retreat). They don’t so much lift boycotts as wait until no one is paying attention before coming up with something new to complain about.

    • Weird. That’s true for the only Eagle Scout I know, also.

  2. “I only read half of this chat *winks at Gabe*” — Chuck Norris

  3. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only homophobia.

  4. I’m only a lady so obviously I don’t know what’s funny, but what I DO know is that the Pinewood Derby is AWESOME.

  5. I get where he’s coming from; Boy Scouts really are the last refuge of straight men who want to wear neckerchiefs without being judged for it.

  6. More like Walker, Texas LAMEr.

  7. Scouts gotta band together. All they need is for the Girl Scouts to refuse to sell cookies until they allow homosexuals into the Scouts.

    Actually, this strategy would probably work for damn near any agenda they wanted to support.

  8. So I went over to Ammoland to check out this great article, and it was as terribly written as I could have hoped. You guys, 80% of the paragraphs are long rhetorical questions! Like he paid slight attention in high school English and then stopped learning how to write! I am just chortling over here.

  9. A boy scout troop can’t have members named Adam and Steve

  10. “Is Obama Creating a Pro-Twee Khaki Scouts of North America?”

  11. Chuck BOORis

  12. It really fucking bums me out that Chuck Norris would go and ruin his reputation just like that.

  13. Maybe this means there will finally be a Super Sissy badge.

  14. I cannot believe I arrived this late to a Chuck Norris thread.

  15. Omg I am never buying another total gym platinum ever again. Total Gym BOYCOTTTTTTT.

  16. Hey you guys! I feel like Gabe and Kelly and commenters have all forgotten that one time when the Boy Scouts of America actually went to the SUPREME COURT to argue for their RIGHT to discriminate against gay people. Learn it:

    I mean, it’s one thing for an individual to be prejudiced about gays, it’s another thing for an *institution* to be prejudiced about gays, it’s yet a third thing to **argue in front of the Supreme Court of the United States** that you have a constitutional right to discriminate against gays. Among the BSA’s genius arguments, which 5 of the 9 justices agreed with, is that the “Scout Law” states that a scout is “clean” and “morally straight,” and gays can’t be clean or moral, therefore gays can’t be scouts. QED!

    But seriously, fuck the Boy Scouts, and fuck any parent who allows their sons to join such a despicable organization.

    • To be fair, they didn’t just say clean and moral … they said morally straight. You can be morally gay, but that’s just not what the scouts are looking for. (Bad pun, I know)

      Mostly though, the constitution is mostly about what the government can or cannot do. The government can’t discriminate based on homosexuality … but the Scouts aren’t a government institution, so the questions becomes “can the government force this organization to allow certain people”. That is one of those iffier things. There are still guys like Ron Paul saying they should have let the ‘free market’ deal with private businesses that didn’t want to go along with desegregation. You’ll see most supreme court decisions have the conservatives go along with that interpretation “freedom means do whatever the hell you want to whoever the hell you want” … see also “your boss can tell you to pay for your own contraception” stuff.

      • And just to be clear, the BSA probably (maybe?) *does* in fact have a constitutional right to discriminate, against black people or gays or jews or whatever. Or maybe they don’t? How the hell should I know? I’m not a lawyer! My point was that the fact they were willing to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to DEFEND their (perfectly legal? constitutional? I don’t care?) **right to discriminate** in front of the Supreme Court reveals what kind of an organization they are. That is: they are a discriminatory organization, and they are proud of it. They deserve exactly as much respect as we give other discriminatory institutions in this society. Which is to say, little or none.

  17. I know this is oversimplifying but seriously, can everyone just stop hating gay people already? Quit being such assholes!

    • Excellent phrasing, truckasaurus! Sometimes speaking frankly and plainly is the best way to speak!

      I cracked up reading your comment, because I immediately heard hypothetical haters trying to answer your question, just sounding like such puffed up, sanctimonious idiots. It was really funny in that sad kind of way.

  18. has anyone seen “Lone Wolf McQuade,” that movie is so subtly gay it’s amazing. Also, chuck norris looks like a sterotypical muscle bear, coincidence? i think not.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.