You know how nightclubs, no matter how many you go to, like, even if you go to a hundred, just never seem to hit the mark? Even if you go to a million, none of them feel like a place for YOU. Like, for instance, why do nightclubs almost never have nude paintings of Avatar characters on the wall? You know? It’s not like every nightclub has to have that, it’s just weird that you see it basically never. And, like, VERY RARELY do the bar countertops ever have an interactive display with lasers that reminds you of Avatar in a way that’s not totally explainable, but, like, you get it. Right? And they definitely never have optic fiber chandeliers, for an Avatar feel. You have to wonder, like — who are they even making these nightclubs for? Don’t they want customers? Or do they just want to be alone in their bullshit nightclub all the time by themselves because no one wants to go to it because it’s terrible and doesn’t appeal to anyone? Well, throw all those thoughts out the window and throw on some blue face paint or whatever and check out AVASTAR!

So, to recap, this nightclub has:

  • Flame throwers
  • Over 8 laser lights
  • Moving headlights
  • LED shows
  • Confetti machines
  • Fogger machines
  • Optic fiber chandeliers
  • Everything
  • Ladies have to be nice to you if you bring them an Avastar Cocktail
  • Smoking area
  • Nonsmoking area
  • DJs with nicknames
  • Interactive bar counters
  • Counters with lasers
  • International DJs
  • International celebrity guests (on a monthly basis)
  • No 21 or 22 year old dudes


Comments (29)
  1. Stop. Just…stop. You had me at flame throwers.

  2. Dammit why didn’t I come up with this idea?
    -Jean Ralphio

  3. (1). Gabe, you forgot on your list “vaguely defined and actually pretty racist Magical Native American stereotypes”.
    (2). Also, this is the place where budding nightclub entrepeneurs can pitch ideas about a club called WeSTARos to me.

  4. I can never remember the name for Avatar and I always call it Pandora…so this club is not for me

  5. This guy knows what you’re talking about.

  6. Most new clubs are basically the same old clubs with a new chandelier. I feel like I went to this one back when it was called Arbucklestar.

    I am glad I am 127 now and don’t feel obligated to go here and pretend it’s awesome.

  7. I can’t go you guys! I’m still at the underwater club. Also: help!

  8. I know someone who’s excited about this news!

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