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It’s a difficult world out there, not only for non-celebrities, but also for celebrities. Each day brings with it new things to overcome, new bridges to cross, new bridges to burn, and new tiny pieces of gossip with the celebrities names taken out of them so we can all guess wildly at the personal destruction just slightly beyond our grasp. We should all do what we can to help, so let’s, and let’s see what we can do for this week’s blind items:

According to current rumors, the spring in Katherine Jenkins’ step isn’t just from her appearance in Dancing With The Stars and more to do with a secret fling with which LA-based superstar? (Via Popbitch)

Katherine Jenkins,

The first problem here is that I’m lacking a sufficient amount of information to figure out where your problem lies. Are you married? If so, as wonderful as he sounds, you need to stop seeing this LA-based superstar. You know better. Be honest with your husband, and — if he is willing — try to mend your relationship. If you’re not married, then, uh, what’s the big deal? The gossip people are spreading about you, Katherine, is the fact that you’re single and having a fling with a famous person? Oh my God, Katherine, did you send this in yourself? Oh no. You did, didn’t you! Do you really think anyone is going to care about your famous fling, Katherine? Just because you were recently on Dancing With the Stars BRIEFLY, as far as I can tell? Fling on for sure, Kathy, but girl. Grrrrrrrrl. Do NOT waste our time.

Sincerely,

Kelly

(BEST GUESS: Ask Katherine, clearly she’s dying to tell SOMEONE.)

These two costars from a very popular network comedy have always had a great relationship…. until now. The actress accidentally “outed” her costar when she had too much to drink at a party. We wonder how his girlfriend reacted when she heard the news. (Via BuzzFoto)

Dear Actress,

Listen, there’s no getting around what you did — the damage is done. But don’t be too hard on yourself. Who hasn’t been there? Outing your costar from a very popular network comedy because you had too much to drink at a party is just par for the course when transitioning from someone who is fun to be around at parties, to someone who people no longer invite to their parties because **hand symbol for drinking**. It looks like you’ve just about made it! As far as your costar goes, I’m sure you’ll be able to mend the relationship. Frankly, the environment for actors, actresses, etc. to come out has become much more open and kind than it once was. (Though still very far away from where it should be — I’m sure your costar is painfully aware of that, Actress!) Also this costar is still going to have to work with you all the time, and you sound like you were probably not so great to be around already, so I’m sure he’s used to it. Send him a nice apology note with a pricy bottle of champagne.

Sincerely,

Kelly

(BEST GUESS: Not sure, but probably Mike & Molly?)

Which super-famous reality star’s popular perfume is a huge seller, but her new beau can’t stand the scent? The musician boyfriend didn’t want to create a stink and hurt his lady’s feelings because she loves wearing it 24/7, so he LIED and told her he was allergic to ALL perfume! (Via National Enquirer)

Dear Super-Famous Reality Star,

Oh boy. Super-Famous, if I may call you that, this one is a no-brainer (and I think you know that). Just EASE UP ON YOUR GROSS PERFUME, YOU WEIRDO! Relationships are about compromise, and your new musician beau sounds great. First of all, he’s a musician and that is an infinitely better leading noun than “reality star.” Second of all, there is no question in my mind that your perfume is one of the worser ones sold at CVS, and he HASN’T EVEN BROKEN UP WITH YOU FOR WEARING IT ALL THE TIME LIKE A CRAZY PERSON! He told you that he was allergic to all perfume, just so he wouldn’t have to tell you that yours smelled like garbage? That’s adorable. It’s adorable and it makes me so mad that I had to read about it. You could’ve dealt with this one on your own, Ms. Perfume. Don’t be a baby. Also, and I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but there is no such thing as a “super-famous reality star.” The faster you truly know it, the faster you’ll overcome it.

Sincerely,

Kelly

(BEST GUESS: Who even cares!)

This Academy Award-winning actress – she’s the widow of an iconic screen legend and Oscar winner – is sadly showing signs of dementia. Friends are concerned because the 80-something star has started telling tales about her handsome husband’s many indiscretions and how she was a fool to be so devoted all those years! Who are they? (Via National Enquirer)

Dear Friends Of This Aged Actress,

It’s Meryl Streep, isn’t it? I’m not sure who she’s married to. George Clooney? George Clooney is definitely handsome, and I think it might be George Clooney. Oh no! That’s so sad. They’re both so great! Do you think Meryl is still going to continue to act, even with the dementia? Ugh, probably not, right? What a sad day. Though we did all know that Clooney was a player, so that one’s kind of on her. My deepest regrets to them both.

Sincerely,

Kelly

(BEST GUESS: Meryl Streep/George Clooney, obviously. Again, so sad for them.)

Comments (7)
  1. They’re all Kanye West.

  2. Vincent Gallo FTW.

  3. Is it Debbie Gibson? Electric Youth was a top seller.

  4. The answer to the first one’s obviously Michael Gambon.

  5. Katherine Chloe Cahoon

  6. Aww, the last one is sad. Poor Meryl Streep/Joanne Woodward. RIP, George Clooney.
    The second one is stupid.
    I think Kelly is bang on the banana with the first one.

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