Yesterday, June 20th, marked the official beginning of summer, and BOY IS THAT NOT HARD TO BELIEVE! Right? Where do you live? Here, where I live, in New York City, or at least somewhere near where I live, where it is going to be 97 degrees today? Whom do you follow on Twitter? Anyone? So you probably already know? My goodness. I talked to a neighbor yesterday for two seconds and the only thing we talked about was how it was warm outside, no duh, and he said, “Have your AC in?” And I said, “Yep,” and he said, “Ah, not me. I’m from Texas.” Oh yeah, dude? Cool, v. cool, did not know Texas made your skin turn into a substance that CANNOT FEEL RIDICULOUS TEMPERATURES. Jerk. Set me up to look like some kind of jerk who can’t handle her shit, give me a damn break. Anyway, what are we talking about? Summer? One thing you have to remember about summer is that it’s going to seem like more and more of a good idea to do stuff that is probably going to kill you. (Skateboard, ride a bike, watermelon + vodka, swim in the ocean, build your own porch or whatever.) It’s nice out! The sun is shining, we’re all young and invincible — what’s there to lose. Right? WRONG! YOU CAN STILL DIE IN THE SUMMER! BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR LIFE! DO NOT BUILD YOUR OWN WATER SLIDES WITH LOOPS OUT OF WOOD IN YOUR BACKYARD AND THEN HAVE YOUR FAMILY TRY THEM OUT, EVEN IF THEY DO END UP WORKING AND BEING VERY COOL, SPOILER ALERT!

YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT NO ONE DIED DURING THIS INCREDIBLE STUNT! Obviously we’re all very impressed and would maybe even like to try it, but how did you know that wasn’t going to kill everyone? Some kind of math? What are you, some kind of genius? Please. Anything could’ve gone wrong, and then you’d have your daughter’s (?) and your brother’s (?) deaths on film for the rest of your life. TSK TSK. Not cool. You CAN die during the summer. Never forget. (Via ViralViral.)

And here, to help us commemorate the official start of the season, are two of the season’s biggest hits:

Just two classic songs about summertime.

Comments (19)
  1. “What about LFO?” – no one

  2. It’s a cruel, cruel summer
    leaving me here on my own.
    It’s a cruel, cruel summer
    now you’ve died in a homemade waterslide accident.

  3. …there ain’t nothing can harm you with daddy and mommy, mommy standing by…

  4. do not google image search ‘beach party gif’. you will get an image of 2 men jerking each other off shaking hands. while that is totally fine for them to be doing that, and maybe that is exactly what you are looking for, your boss walking by your desk might think otherwise.

  5. All my TX friends insist on wearing jeans in the sweltering heat AND long sleeve shirts. They drip sweat but swear they’re fine. This has always been a mystery to me. That and why Mexicans NEVER wear shorts.

  6. Can I just say that it upsets me that there are people out there who build their own waterslides and rollercoasters? When I was a kid that was literally all I ever thought about. But I grew up and gave up on all my dreams. I could be enjoying my own personal rollercoaster right now! I’m such an idiot!

  7. I am an American living in London in the middle of a British summer, which means it rains a lot. And everyone makes small talk here by complaining about the British summer weather and lamenting the fact that we’re not going to have a real summer and I just want to tell them that there is no worse feeling than getting on the unairconditioned platform of a New York City subway and feeling the grime mix with the sweat and seep into your pores. Give me a British summer and a cup of tea any day.

  8. The best part about this home made water slide is the shelving on the side. You can park your summer frozen cocktails there while you have a slide! I’m 100% behind this.

  9. I’m getting a little tired of all these New York residents complaining about how hot it is there. Get over it and suck it up! We don’t care. It’s summer. It gets hot everywhere. By the way, it’s absolutely perfect out here in L.A. today.

  10. This overcast day in San Francisco is a sweltering 52 degrees. Time to break out the tropical drinks and lawn chairs!*

    * This is actually the warmest year the city I can remember. Until today, it was sunny and 75 every day for what felt like months. It was awesome! Now we’re back to our regularly scheduled summer reruns of fog and coats.

  11. It looks safer than this contraption from the related videos.

  12. MY favourite summertime song

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