Your honor, while the prosecution recognizes that the defense was doing nothing more dangerous or harmful than simply looking at their computer screen in a brief moment of downtime at their otherwise mentally engaging and deeply fulfilling office job, and that it is simple human biology upon seeing a headline regarding a young Ryan Gosling dancing to C+C Music Factory to want to click on that headline, we nevertheless maintain that due to Ryan Gosling’s current status as an international sex symbol, and considering that the video in question features some of the hottest dance moves on the planet, if it please the court we would argue that any motivation for watching the video is at the very least suspect if not outright dangerous. That is why the prosecution strongly recommends that anyone who watches said video be immediately placed in jail. Let it also be entered into the record that each defendant was fully and properly warned that upon clicking the link to watch the video after the jump that they would be subject to a full and aggressive prosecution under the law, and that therefore they willingly engaged in activity that they knew was subject to the fancy words and something real-sounding that we are hereby losing the thread on this joke and forthwith forever objection sustained amen.

NO TOUCHING! (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (24)
  1. The REAL crime against children here was dressing him in that shirt.

  2. It’s like a Top Chef Recap in here.

  3. It took me a really long time to figure out the headline of this post.

  4. Baby Ryan has some sweet moves. One day our children will dance with the same grace.

  5. “He has some sweet dance movies!” – Napoleon Dynamite

  6. This seems as good a time as any to remind everyone of the glory that is Breaker High, the only sitcom *to my knowledge* about a high school on a boat. It is glorious.

    • Ryan Gosling and the man I only know as ‘Jimmy’, partners in crime, might have been my favourite on screen duo when I was a kid.

    • WHAAAT. That’s a thing? Is it on Netflix? That seems amazing.
      Did you hear about the college kids whose dorms got condemned or something and so the school just rented this river cruise ship and housed all of them there? That actually happened IRL, although it sounds like the set up for some kind of quirky dramedy.

    • Uh excuse me Lilbobbytales, have you ever see “The Voyage of the Mimi” with a very young Ben Affleck?

    • Don’t insult me, lilbobbytables. Obviously I am familiar with Breaker High. OBVIOUSLY I would rush home from grade 7 every day to make sure I could catch Breaker High reruns on YTV.

  7. This video is really similar to that new Sigur Ros music video with Shia LaBoeuf

  8. It needs more of this

  9. You forgot to rest your case.

  10. I’m always very uncomfortable when other people’s home movies of celebrities as children get released. This is one of those times. It’s bad enough that Ryan Gosling basically grew up in Hollywood after 9 or so and it’s probably some kind of miracle that he turned out to be an arguably decent stand-up human being, but crap like this just encourages more and more kids (and parents) to give up their lives and pursue their dreams and the kids either derail or the parents go broke or something else happens that is equally as depressing. But at least they pursued their dreams.

    Someone made a pretty interesting documentary on it called The Hollywood Complex (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1754351/)and I’d highly recommend a view. My old roommate used to train kid actors on the rise, and she told me about this doc as they were filming it. That stuff is messed up, you guys. Super messed up.

    Don’t let your kids grow up to be child actors. That’s my point.

  11. ok, he is straight up dressed like Vanilla Ice.

  12. I’m confused. Ryan Gosling’s mom OBVIOUSLY filmed this…did he call her up and say, “Hey Mom, I really need people to love me more than they already do, would you post that video on the Internet where I danced really well (for a child in the 90s) while wearing terrible pants? Yes? Thanks, Mom, you’re the best.”

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.