I have to believe that the answer to the question posed in the title is, “I don’t have a dream public marriage proposal scenario because when someone asks me to spend the rest of their life with them, I’d rather it be quiet, private display of love and real intention rather than a loud, public display of not-so-good dancing,” but HEAR ME OUT. The following video is of a public marriage proposal centered around a large group of little girls dancing in some sort of public square to some sort of pop song medley. It’s 8 minutes long, and there is no way I’m going to watch all of those 8 minutes, so maybe it’s explained at the end, but my question is: WHO WANTS THAT PUBLIC MARRIAGE PROPOSAL? Not to be a jerk! I’m sure it is lovely for these people and the two adults in the scenario are in love and very happy and I wish them the best, but. A large group of little girls dancing? And then your future husband stands in the middle of them and asks you to marry him? In front Starbucks and everybody? I don’t know. People want what they want, maybe this is what this lady wanted. But my question is: What would YOU want? If you had to be proposed to in public so the whole Internet could see? My dream scenario + a million little girls dancing after the jump.

I am on the set of Breaking Bad and Aaron Paul says, “STOP THE CAMERAS!” And everyone’s like, “Whaaaat?” And then, in his Jesse Pinkman clothing, he says, “Kelly, I’m not sure if you know who I am, but I’ve been in love with you for my whole life. Will you marry me?” And everyone applauds. And then I nod from afar and then we run into each other’s arms and I say, “Yes, of course I know who you are!” And then we get married later, and our wedding is classic but with our own spin on it, and our wedding song is “Fluorescent Half Dome” by Dirty Projectors. Awwwwwwwww! (Via ViralViral.)

Comments (38)
  1. Maybe it’s a Brady Bunch type of scenario and those girls are all of their collective children?

    • that’s a lot of kids….its more of a ‘The Island’ type scenario, where they plan to use the kids to harvest their organs.

      • Isn’t that what all kids are for?

        • only if this baboon heart craps out on me.

        • Strangely, I just finished reading a book called How to Defeat Your Own Clone, and before telling you how to defeat your own clone, an army of clones, your friend’s clone, and what to do if you discover that you are the clone and need to defeat the original, they get into how to make a clone and the reasons you would realistically need one. They make a really excellent point that the cost of scientifically creating another human, renting a uterus, and then feeding, clothing, and housing it for 20 years until the organs are “ripe” (you can’t put child organs in an adult body) just on the off-chance that someday you might need a liver or kidney makes a “cloning for organ harvesting” scenario pretty unlikely.

          • Basically, I’m a big nerd.

          • That sounds like something a clone would say. I’m on to you, old man fatima. IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. (also that sounds like a very interesting book. I am lucky in that if my clone is anything like me, we would be far too lazy to fight and instead would just end up napping and sharing a pizza and watching Designing Women re-runs.)

          • maybe to you down there in the 99%. but I’m fucking loaded.

            i’m actually the CEO of a very large bank, which is why I have all of this free time at work to fuck around on the internet all day.

          • I think you’re onto something, Lillybobbytables. They do say that you need to examine your reasons for wanting to defeat your own clone in the first place, and that it might be best to just leave them alone or team up with them. Also, this: “Defeating your clone doesn’t necessarily mean physical combat. Tricking your clone into taking your ex-girlfriend out to dinner is funny. Punching your clone in the face is felony assault.”

          • Can me and my clone join you and your clone for this Designing Women pizza party?

          • Uh, sorry this picture of me and my clone is so big, y’all.

          • Bring some breadsticks and you’re in! (also never apologize for oversized Designing Women images. They are the internet’s gift to the world)

  2. I just assumed everyone dreamed of a “Who wants to marry a millionaire”-style courtship.

    • Egads, I just checked the expiration date on that joke, and its best-by date was 2002. My joke fridge really needs to be cleaned out, I think I see some Kato Kaelin quips behind the clowns (obviously I eat the clowns for breakfast)(no I don’t that would be terrifying)(maybe this is the unholy nightmare fridge, not the joke fridge?)(this joke is getting away from me now, isn’t it?)

      • I’m more into Joe Millionaire personally.

        • I am not allowed to find love until I have gone through my Swan transformation.

          I… am… so… beautiful…

          • I did not realize your Eagle transformation was just a bird on your way to your ultimate bird.

            [Note to Videogum Posterity: this is a joke that made sense at 10:56 AM PST on 6/15/12 because badideajeans had temporarily changed her avatar from a puppy to an eagle in honor of Flag Day. I am sure by the time you are reading this in 3199 she is a puppy again and the joke will make no sense, because she turned it back to a puppy later today probably and left no trace that it had been anything else and she then remained a puppy until the day she died, in 2875, when she ran out of clones to resupply her organs.]

  3. You know who thinks this is the perfect marriage proposal? Those little girls. Now they’re all going to grow up with wild and unreasonable expectations for what will happen when some future boyfriend proposes marriage to them. So on behalf of those future boyfriends, I’d like to extend a big “fuck you” to Johnny Douche over here for ruining the moment.

  4. if I were to walk into this – and I would have every right to do so, as it is in a public forum – it could easily be mistaken for a taping of Throwdown With Bobby Flay.

  5. You should do it at someone else’s wedding, while they’re exchanging vows, such a romantic atmosphere.

  6. The only public marriage proposal that would be acceptable to me would be if I got to sit on some kind of throne with a crown and scepter while the man in question performed feats of strength (like wrestling an alligator or really any challenge you would see on American Gladiators or Guts) and then a skywriter plane spelled out “Will you marry me, Claire?” once he completed all the trials.

  7. Pretty significant Gun Show at 4:23; “no” was not an option.

  8. I think I would like it to be really futuristic where there’s a hologram of all my favorite people and they all give me a hover board and those Back to the Future sneakers and then my future husband gets down on one knee on the hover board and floats up to eye level because he wants to be a gentleman but also remain “eye to eye” on all things. Anyway, he says something about how the holograms represent our future together and the Back to the Future sneakers are about walking together as one even though there were two Marty McFlys in that part of the movie. Anyway, when he says it it sounds better. And then the alien from Alien pops out of one of the hologram’s stomachs and the alien has the ring and of course it’s perfect. So he tells me that dating me has felt like Weird Science where they make a perfect girlfriend and he would like me to be his weird science experiment for the rest of his life. And I say yes of course and then all of the holograms disappear and leave us to make-out in private.

  9. “Madame foreman, do you have a verdict?”
    “We do, your honor. We, the jury, find Mr. Casual, just adorable, sensitive and wonderful, and we want to spend the rest of our life with him, though, not right away. Actually, starting in 12-15 years, because we also have one other little bit of news here.”

  10. Paul Rudd, John Hamm and Michael Fassbender all fight over me. Then give up and do a dance to Sigur Rós’ “Dauðalogn” and we all enter a plural marriage.

  11. I get an invitation to a formal ball from a mysterious stranger. Included with the invitation is $10,000 for a gown, shoes, and jewelry. A limo picks me up and takes me to an airport where I am whisked away on a private jet to Monte Carlo. There, in the ballroom of a gorgeous palace overlooking the Mediterranean, stand all of my friends and family and everyone I’ve ever known basically. Then I see that every celebrity I’ve ever had a crush on is also there. They gather together and tell me that they all love me fan love me forever and that since they didn’t want to make me decide between them all, they’ve invested in very advanced technology that has allowed them to create a perfect amalgam of each and every one of them and combine them into the perfect man. This man then emerges from the mist and says “You must allow me to tell you how passionately I admire and love you. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife.” And then, this man, named Darcy Brandon Ferrars Tilney Wentworth Knightley takes me away and we get married and live in a chateau the end.

    • I think that Darcy quote is from the first proposal, which was otherwise very awful! (Love Darcy, especially Colin Firth Darcy, but he was actually quite a dick for a while.)

      • Yeah, it was, but I like that particular line and chose not to include “[Marrying you] would go against the wishes of my friends, relations, and I hardly need add, my own better judgment.” NICE PROPOSAL, FITZWILLIAM.

  12. Internet, if you’re going to do a Youtube-ready marriage proposal no more of this bullshit of getting all your friends and family or little girls to do the heavy lifting for 5 minutes while you just stroll in right at the end and take all the credit and the wife. As Hampton Roads resident Tom Hanks once said, “Earn this.”

  13. I saw a Dodger Stadium proposal once that I’m pretty sure ended badly a few hours later. The woman was clearly stunned in a we-have-NOT-discussed-this kind of way, and the man shoved the ring on her while she gaped uncomfortably. She technically said yes (how can you not say yes on the Jumbotron?), but he had it coming when she dumped his ass after the game.

  14. I seriously hate everything about this.

  15. “I’m going to remember that T-shirt for the rest of my life.”

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