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There was an article on America’s favorite comedian, Jeff Dunham, in Slate this week that is full of incredible gems. Gems are terrible things that make your soul hurt, right?
Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham’s latest concert special begins with an old-man puppet named Walter detailing the best strategy for dealing with a Kwanzaa reveler: “Throw away the Champagne and pull out the frickin’ malt liquor.” Dunham then brings out Achmed the Dead Terrorist–essentially a skeleton with jutting eyeballs–who shouts his catchphrase, “Silence, I keel you!” to great audience acclaim. A short while later comes the comedy duo of Peanut–a furry purple being of indeterminate heritage–and José Jalapeño, a sombrero-wearing pepper on a stick who punctuates most thoughts with the punch line “on a steeeek.” What does José want for Christmas? “I think he needs a bigger stick,” Peanut says. “That’s not what your mother said,” the jalapeño replies.
Somehow reading descriptions of this shit is almost more unbearable than actually watching it. Let’s just say they’re both very very unbearable.
We already know that Dunham is a huge success. His Christmas special was the most watched program in Comedy Central’s history. His horrible terrorist puppet video has 83 million views on YouTube. It’s your mom’s homepage. I’m just surprised it took this long for him to become the number one comedian in the country (he made 19 million dollars in TICKET SALES ALONE last year). But it was worth the wait! You know what they say, the racist cream always rises to the saddest top!
More gems:
The Obama presidency, he says, represents a great opportunity to bring back Sweet Daddy D, the black puppet that’s been on the shelf since his first comedy special. Dunham explains that in crafting Sweet Daddy, he had to research the nuances of the African-American face, which he calls much “more interesting and dynamic than the plain old Caucasian.
Incredible. Thank you, Obama presidency. Apparently Jeff Dunham was so busy studying the African-American face that he didn’t have time to study Not Being A Depressing Asshole.
But perhaps the worst part is the explanation of the accountability, or lack thereof, in Dunham’s work.
Dunham told me that he “would shudder to utter” some of the things that come out of his puppets’ mouths. Indeed, the solo stand-up set that Dunham performs at the beginning of each show is almost aggressively banal–in the Christmas special, for example, he talks about his daughter’s inability to pump gas and the shockingly large capacity of women’s purses. Nevertheless, it’s very canny of Dunham to lead with this milquetoast fodder. By establishing himself as a nonthreatening stage presence, the ventriloquist sets himself up as the butt of the puppets’ jokes and, just as importantly, absolves himself from responsibility for Peanut’s cracks about a superhero named Gay Man (“When he flies, his butt whistles. … Don’t turn your back on him!”) and the mere existence of a black puppet who refers to himself as a PIMP (that’s “player in the management profession”).
What utter garbage. “I would never call someone a faggot, obviously, but can I help it if a puppet that I created and that I speak for and wear on my hand even though I’m a grown adult has hatred in his heart? Shucks.” It would be disappointing enough if America’s favorite comedian was a ventriloquist, because that just seems like an outmoded form of entertainment that we can pack away in the old Memory Trunk along with burlesque, and Lilith Fair. But that he has to be the most insufferably ham-handed bigot ventriloquist is too much. I think we’re done here. Shut it down. All of it.
Actually, I might have spoken a little too soon about ventriloquism being an out-of-date art form with no place left in this world. Because this:
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Looks like Mr. Show predicted the future again.We need us an East Coast vs. West Coast Ventriloquism War.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne0RrK5qJ-k
That was a terrifying wake-up call. I miss the innocence of 5 minutes ago, before I knew who Jeff Dunham was.
My sentiments exactly. Like, Jesus Christ, he is beyond terrible…..I just don’t……83 million views?!?
“I’ve got children all over town!”
My name is Judge.
I had to watch this crap at a relative of my GF’s over the holidaze. He set it up on an LCD projector and everything. Dunham’s opening monologue was snooze-tastic, although he did find room to call drivers of hybrid cars and owners of small dogs homosexual. But hey, it’s OK! Because Jeff Dunham is himself a homosexual because he drives a hybrid and owns a small dog. So stop being so offended – he’s only making fun of himself. For being such a faggot.
The puppetry shit was obviously corny and aggressively unfunny, but it was especially pernicious because the laffs banked solely on the offense that other people would presumably take upon viewing this highly edgy material. That’s it. OMG the liberals/feminists/gays/terrorists would haaate this! Therefore it’s funny! Hahahaha!
Really slick culture war shit is all it is.
What’s been digitally removed from his photo? A puppet? A mullet?
it looks like a mullet was photoshopped in.
Fifty years from now, someone will make a time machine to stop what this fool is starting.
(Gabe sure does love to talk about racism.)
I thought Obama signified the end of racism or the beginning of the end of racism? But really he made it okay to be racist because it’s not really racism if there’s at least one great black guy out there? To automatically counterbalance all the racism? Whattttt?
Also, I am trying to re-read the snippets and somehow interpret a modicum of criticism through all the congratulatory bullshit, but nope, it is 100% congratulatory bullshit. Then again, this is the same magazine that suggests any WWII film that takes even a vaguely nuanced perspective on the concentration camps is automatically a Hitler apologist.
“By establishing himself as a nonthreatening stage presence, the ventriloquist sets himself up as the butt of the puppets’ jokes and, just as importantly, absolves himself from responsibility” The only way the audience is laughing at him and not the people slanderously portrayed by his puppets is if he is a black gay Muslim who is dead and also from Mexico. This is like Carlos Mencia meets Avenue Q meets a bastardization of the first amendment, all of which are The Worst.
I mean, I can live without physics, but I can live without Jeff Dunham.
Except it’s not a bastardization of the first amendment that protects him, it’s the actual first amendment (the Bill of Rights is a bittersweet thing). I’m with you on the rest of your comment, though. He’s fucking awful.
You are right, but I meant that his intrinsic use of the first amendment to excuse his act kind of rapes what the amendment stands for, like when Oliver Wendell Holmes said it was irresponsible to shout “Fire!” in a crowded theater. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
OK, but shouting fire in a crowded theater isn’t constitutionally protected speech, while saying a gay superhero’s butt whistles is. Incitement isn’t the same thing as expression (or “expression” in Jeff Dunham’s case). How can we be so unified in our hatred of Jeff Dunham yet so at odds on the teachings of Oliver Wendell Holmes? Your interpretation of the 1st amendment is tearing us apart, Carrie!!
Okay.
1. It is still irresponsible to shout “Fire” in a crowded theater.
2. Though protected, Dunham’s act is repugnant.
3. I never said Dunham’s repugnant act wasn’t constitutionally protected.
4. Okay, incitement is illegal.
5. Maybe “bastardized” was the wrong word, but I feel you have missed my original point entirely.
6. I refuse to further debate the nuances of the first amendment on Videogum.
Technically I said it was irresponsible to falsely shout fire in a crowded theater. I don’t think it would be wrong to save people’s lives if the theater was on fire.
Oh I’m so glad you pitched in OWH, because Carrie over here was totally saying it would be illegal to save people from a fire. What???
He’s the worst comedian. The worst one. I couldn’t believe it when that Slate article actually seemed to like him. Unbelievable. Slate likes the worst.
Wow, I really agree with you about the Burlesque. Like, really agree with you.
It’s even worse reading these snippets than it is hearing him say them. And hearing him say them is already horrible.
So who is the worst “comedian” of all time? Mencia, Cook, or Dunham? And more importantly, when will they all go away?
You forgot Larry the Cable Guy
There are hack comedians all over who make jokes at the expense of other races, cultures, etc but why is this lameass SO FUCKING POPULAR?!? That’s really the only reason I’m bothered by him. If Rev. Fred Phelps had a puppet he would be HEE-LARIOUS!
I could just imagine this dude on election day at the booth like “well, if I vote for this one dude, I can bring back a jive talking puppet whose a pimp… but on the other hand if I vote for the other guy I can do a crotchety old man puppet”
That cake looks delicious and sounds like its mouth is filled with cake, which makes sense.
My last comment looked so…unregistered. BLAM!
I have a beloved cousin, who I thought was a rational, smart human being, tell me excitedly that she had tickets to go see this guy.
What should I do? Have an intervention? Break into her house and smother her in her sleep? I’m at a loss.
several of my good friends, who have good taste and are funny and like things that don’t suck, have admitted they enjoy dane cook’s stand up.
it’s painful when you suddenly feel like you don’t know someone.
I had a pretty awkward experience while I was working at the front desk of a hotel one time involving this guy. A guest came to the desk and told me I should watch this guy one youtube when I get home, but then a few minutes later he comes up to the desk with his laptop to make me watch a bunch of Dunham’s routines. I stood there for around 10 minutes pretending to laugh at this racist garbage.
howsabout The Hunt For The Worst Comedian Of All Time, Videogums? This guy, Carlos Mencia, Dane Cook… and I’m only on 2006! Think of the possibilities!
Jesus H! Trolling through his YouTube collection, I just realized that this guy was on The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was still hosting. Carson! I guess it is no small favor that his horrible schtick had been kept relatively obscure for as long as it was.
Whatever happened to the good old days, when ventriloquists were just horribly unfunny and not racist?
Thank you for introducing me to Cakey, the Cake From Outer Space.
I love you forever.
OMG me too! Cakey is the BEST.
K’s original comment is the first thing I’ve ever read on Stereo- or Videogum that I’ve actually thought was worth the time I weirdly routinely invest in these blogs, and you know what? It made all of this wasted time totally, totally worth it. Thanks K!
sweet daddy d? sounds like franklin to me! COPYRIGHT!
But everything that could be racist in olden days was racist!
Cf.: http://www.ironicsans.com/2006/07/turn_of_the_century_racist_jok.html and http://eholdenantiques.com/gallery2/main.php?g2_itemId=2664
Ventriloquist dummies are the ultimate comedy duo partner since they’re intentionally created as caricatures to say the things the stooge in the act can’t!
“It ain?t easy being white, It ain?t easy being brown, All this pressure to be bright, I got children all over town”
LEAVE JEFF DUNHAMMMMM ALONE! PLEASSSE! (what’s cornier Jeff Dunham’s act or recalling the leave britney alone video to comment on Jeff Dunham?)
My Gabe-aping comment on the dead terrorist youtube vid: “This is racist and unfunny and just utterly
” got two responses: “Grow a brain FFS” and “oh just get over youself
its a joke
if someone did the same thing with a christian extremist or somthin like that
wud it be racist then ?”
Presumably the second guy’s full stop works like Enter. But what does FFS mean?
Maybe, Four Fingered Sissy? Full Figured Samoan? Fucking For Serious? future Foriegn Soda? I gots tons.
let’s give Cake 83 million views.
When Chris Rock is accused of being racist…the response is ALWAYS , he’s a comedian get over it. I never got the Nicole Brown Simpson jokes. but the audience seemed to love them.
Before I ever saw Jeff Dunham (just now, ick) I listened to two people talking about how much they love him and his different puppets. And my initial reaction was “Puppets? Those are funny now? Something isn’t right here.” They couldn’t stop recounting his bits and laughing with each other. Now I know that these people have irredeemable taste. I bet smart comedians talk shit about him like they do Dane Cook, but also smart puppeteers. And also smart people in general. Everyone hate Jeff Dunham’s comedy!
In closing, you’ll never go broke in America catering to the lowest common denominator.
Sadly, I watched Jeff Dunham when he was new. That was like 19 years ago so I was six. I thought he was slightly funny then. But again, I was SIX. There are grown people who think this idiot is hilarious. I don’t get it. Normally I would at least admire him for sticking with his routine until people started paying attention, but he doesn’t deserve attention. He’s a racist moron.
“for fuck’s sake”
(in case you’re still wondering, eight months later)
I like a sick horribly offensive joke as much as the next dude. I was right there with South Park when Cartman was leading an army of Mel Gibson fans into a neo-nazi rally, I loved it when Dee and Mac tried to tan the dumpster baby to make it Hispanic. I will be the first to go after PC liberal feminist latte drinking fags if they come after either of those shows, but Jeff Dunham is the WORST. Like actually the worst most disgusting fucking thing to happen of all time (well not of all time, but at least in the world of stand-up ventriloquist comedy). I feel the biggest difference between the aforementioned shows and Jeff Dunham (aside from the fact that even Cartman is kind of endearing and Jeff Dunham is always a massive rectal tumor) is that you are always laughing at the ignorant boobs on South Park or It’s Always Sunny, whereas on Jeff Dunham, people are mostly laughing with the awful puppets. Because its a puppet somehow that makes it OK for America to join in the racist, homophobic, etc. humor that ejaculates from their mouths (or more accurately Jeff Dunham’s mouth. Thanks Gabe for addressing the fact that not only is Jeff Dunham the WORST at life, but he is also the shittiest ventriloquist of all time. Although ventriloquism is not really my scene, I am usually impressed with their ability to keep up the illusion but you can always see his lips/adam’s apple moving! WTF? Hasn’t he had 15 years to get better at this?)
So long as Jeff Dunham is the most successful stand-up comedian (which is already like saying he is the most successful garbage monster) in America, the terrorists have truly won.