It’s kind of a thing with people, and a thing people often talk about, that we all remember where we were in the moments when we’ve gotten major life news. A common example among people my age would be to talk about where we were when we heard about the attacks on September 11th — I was in Algebra 1 class. When I heard that Kurt Cobain had died, I was in my friend’s house watching a repeat of a show on VH1 that mentioned he had died roughly 5 years earlier. When I heard that I won a guitar signed by Eve 6 in a contest at The Wall for which a friend and I filled out every single ballot, I was in the kitchen. When I found out my favorite brunch spot in my neighborhood had closed, I was standing outside of the restaurant, hungry for brunch. We never forget! The location for all of those equally important moments are seared into our brains forever, as if our brains are iPhones and they’ve been dropping importance pins for our entire lives. I’m telling you this because I hope you’re in a good spot now that you’re ready to remember for the rest of your life because YOU’RE ABOUT TO TAKE YOUR VERY FIRST LOOK AT THE THREE MAJOR STARS OF TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN, PART 2, ONE OF WHICH I ASSUME IS THE CHILD OF THE OTHER TWO, AND IT IS GOING TO BLOW YOUR GD MINDS!!! AHHHHH!!!! OH MY GOOOOODDDD YOU GUUUUYYYYYSSSSSSSS AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! “I WAS ON VIDEOGUM AT WORK,” FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!


Comments (45)
  1. They may take our fangs! They may take our freedom! But they’ll never take…our babyyyyy!!!!

  2. Cool outfits. They’re wearing about 50 shades of grey.

  3. More like Breaking Dawner Jr.

  4. Ah dammit, Kelly. From the banner pic, I thought this was a sneak peek at the eagerly anticipated Mr. Yuk movie.

  5. I thought vampires didn’t age, so why isn’t their kid a permanent baby?

    • Setting aside vampires are fictional, the whole thing doesn’t cotton. The whole reason vampires make humans into other vampires is that’s the only way they reproduce, because they are, y’know, dead.

    • So true confession: I’ve read the whole Twilight Series. A bit sadistic because I just yelled at the book the whole time. However, the kid is half human/half vampire which is why it was born in the first place (conceived before Bella becomes a vampire). She ages really quickly and then just stops to be forever seven years old. They don’t really explain well, why the hybrids do this, just that they do. The worst part is that Bella’s friend Jacob has “imprinted” on the child, who will always be a child, so basically he is going to follow this girl around his whole life, waiting for her to be an adult who can marry, but she’ll never grow.

      • Wait, serious question: Having sex with a vampire doesn’t make you a vampire?
        Bram Stoker is rolling in his grave (because he’s a vampire?)

        • No, she doesn’t turn into a vampire from having sex with Edward. She almost dies during pregnancy/childbirth (because the fetus is eating her from the inside and then Edward has to eat/claw the baby out of her stomach). So to save her from dying the make her a vampire the old fashioned way and then she all the sudden has great hair and a fabulous new wardrobe. These books are messed up (especially the last one).
          ~Resident VG Twilight expert

          • The only good thing about having read Twilight is getting to explain the later books to civilians, who are convinced you’re making things up just to fuck with them, which is the same way they feel when you explain Scientology to them.

          • Gosh, it’s one thing to defy vampire canon. It’s a whole other thing to defy logic.

          • Thank you for your service. Someone has to explain Twilight and look like the crazy person, and you really took one for the team here.

          • i thought the kid would age until 17 and then stop aging? like they mature fast and then stop aging as teenagers (because that’s the perfect age, spending eternity getting fucking carded everywhere).

          • profoblivion1221 is right. Although for some reason I thought they stoped aging at 18. (Then Bella, Edward, and the baby will all be the same age FOREVER. OMG youguys, isn’t that just perfect?)
            God, Twilight is so weird. All the times I’ve been able to make my friends die of laughter while explaining it to them it worth all the frustration I endured while reading it though.

      • I hate to out myself as a Twilight reader, but you are incorrect with your factoids. The kid does age rapidly, and she stops aging after 7 years, BUT that’s just how long it takes her to reach adulthood. Then she stops aging, forever. So, Jacob WILL get laid, don’t worry.

      • Thank you. That answered my question of why this girl is so old already. Also, ew Jacob.

    • I asked myself that same question when I watched Blade. You know how much it would suck (pun FOR SURE intended) to have the wisdom of ages and live to be a thousand years old, but not be able to hold your head up on your own or have a fully formed skull? Or if you stayed a fetus??

  6. I remember I was at the Wall when I found out there were no more ballots left for the Eve 6 contest. :(

  7. Great ad for the new Can Am Spider! Nice biker pants too. Wear a helmet you three.

  8. I wonder whatever happened to Eve6. We were at an airport one time, and Kelly showed me their CD and then pointed to a guy sitting across from us. Their lead vocalist I think? He was even wearing the same outfit as on the CD. He very nicely gave Kelly an autograph. Between that and winning the contest, she’s practically a member of the band.

    • I want to pretend he only wears outfits from the band’s CD covers in hopes that he’ll be recognized

    • They swallowed their pride and then choked on the rind. RIP.

    • Woah, Kelly would have been the envy of of everyone at my middle school! I remember hand-writing copies of the lyrics to their “wanna put my tender heart in a blender” song and giving them out to all of my friends when I was supposed to be making a house out of popsicle sticks in shop class.

      • That was a superior use of your time, Catweazle. Good for you, and your friends!

      • Ah, youth: so embarassing! Aren’t you glad you were born when you were so that that shit wouldn’t be like, on your Tumblr for the whole world to see? I guess you can just delete a Tumblr, and yet I have to live knowing that there’s a corner of my high school band percussion closet that will be forever hand-scrawled Taking Back Sunday lyrics. Unless the school burns down, I guess.

        • I don’t know, I did have a pretty embarrassing LiveJournal. I deleted all of the most incriminating posts, but whenever I feel like I’m kind of a chump, it’s nice to look back at that and see that at least I’m not as much of a chump as I was as a teenager!

    • That answers my question of whether you are Kelly’s sister, which I’ve been thinking of a way to ask (in a not-weird way, and I swear I haven’t been thinking of it constantly, just from time to time casually) since I saw your full name on Twitter.

    • I saw them at SXSW. This year. As in 2012.

  9. “Get behind me, little girl. This shot is all about my awesome new hairdo” – Kristen Stewart

  10. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  11. In the second place, Bella’s baby represents almost everything that is repulsive and wrong about Twilight. But in the first place: WOOOO VAMPIRE BELLA! She’s pretty.

  12. Could Kristen fucking Stewart not be fucking reached for fucking comment about this fucking picture?

  13. DUDE, big ups for dropping THE WALL into your post. Remember the blue stickers that said “Lifetime Guarantee” on them? Pretty sure there is one on the Tragic Kingdom CD at my moms house.

  14. These movies didn’t get gobbled up during that competitive eating contest? What was it called? The Hungry Hippo Games? Something like that…

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