Noah, go easy on the Barq’s! A lot of times you will hear adults talk about childhood moments like this as some kind of completely lost and inaccessible form of incredible pleasure untarnished by, you know, THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW THE WORLD WORKS. “I wish I could like something half as much as this kid likes root beer,” etc, etc. That kind of thing. But those people are quitters. And also have no idea how hard life is for children. They HAVE to lose their fucking minds after sipping on a root beer because everything else in life is just a series of being shoved around from one confusing nightmare to another. Kids don’t know WHAT the fuck is going on at any given moment. One second they’re spitting on a half-used Kleenex and wiping your face with it, the next second they’re forcing you to go to sleep in a terrifyingly dark room even if you’re not tired, and the next second you have this magical, sweet, bubbling drink to enjoy. So you better enjoy the shit out of it! This week, let’s all find our proverbial first taste of root beer. We can do it. Or let’s just sit around and wait for death because now we know it’s inevitable. Is that better? Which would you rather do this week? (Via ViralVideos.)

Comments (14)
  1. Well if that’s my choice, I’ll take the root beer. But with ice cream in it.

  2. Are Friday Night Lights goofs still cool?

    Screw it.

    Clear bubbles, full straw, can’t lose!

  3. The hardest moment Noah faced was being forced to bring only two root beers with him on the ark.

  4. “Fatten them up, kill them off, and move them out.” – Jerry Seinfeld.

  5. Is that the joy people are looking for at the bottom of their Big Gulps?

  6. You know, that is my response to root beer if I drink it when I am inebriated. Lending further credibility to my theory that babies are just like drunk adults.

    • Well, I was going to say that’s my response to root beer in general. I don’t even need to be inebriated. Root beer is awesome.

      • Seriously, this is me and root beer, especially if it’s extra good stuff like Virgil’s, or even better, hey Btroners, Rookies… which now I want. Great.

  7. Hey you see how delighted Noah is by that first taste of root beer? How he claps and dances? That was my reaction yesterday after discovering that when my niece says “prince” it sounds like “bitch.”
    Just pure glee, you guys. I’ve truly found my first taste of root beer.

  8. Oh god, family restaurants are the worst. People shouting while filming their loud babies, small children running around the booths, carpet that you know is hardly ever cleaned…
    Ugh.

  9. I want to be around for Noah’s first taste of vodka and Red Bull.

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