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Frankly, there are too many podcasts. THERE, I SAID IT. Seriously with all the podcasts? You can buy them off of the in-flight menu on Virgin airplanes to Los Angeles and when you touch down your available on iTunes. It’s too much! But I will point out, because I thought I was going to a baseball game tomorrow but I’m not, I’m going next Saturday, so I have a lot more spare time than I thought I was going to have this weekend, and if you are in a similar situation then I would want someone like me to tell…me that you should listen to this episode of Pete Holmes interviewing Chelsea Peretti on his podcast, You Made It Weird. It’s just the funniest thing. (This week’s episode features Jenny Slate, if you REALLY don’t have plans.) See you next week at the ballpark!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Betty White And Wax Sculpture Betty White Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 stu | Jun 4th Score:64

OR an endless slow-mo loop of him KOing Pete as “I Will Remember You” plays in the background.

Posted in: Mad Men: Everybody Hurts
#4 badideajeans | Jun 5th Score:70

If you are going to attend a rap music concert this summer, I highly suggest watching from backstage. Whenever I visit my dear friend Jay-Z on tour, usually in Paris or Barcelona, I make sure the green room is fitted with organic vegetables and local, artesianal cheeses. I tend to bring my own wine to the rap music concerts because sometimes it is rather difficult to get the right burgandy or sauvignon blanc if the venue’s sommelier has the day off. To save time, I often keep all of my rap music concert accoutrements in a hand-woven basket I picked up while visiting a craft fair in Tuscany. Uh oh, it’s my time to feed Blue Ivy her bottle of unicorn’s blood. Enjoy the show!
Love,
GP

Posted in: In Defense Of Gwyneth Paltrow
#3 Van Oben | Jun 4th Score:70

Jaquen’s facechange trick blew my mind. Didn’t see that coming.

Posted in: Game Of Thrones Season 2 Finale Open Thread
#2 Steve Winwood | Jun 4th Score:78

I think we were to busy being distracted by Layne Price’s DIE job (ahhhh?)

Posted in: Mad Men: Everybody Hurts

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Great job, Frank Lloyd Wrong! You really did it. Words into action. Ideas into art. GIFs into GIFs with audio. Congratulations on your first place win; you deserve it. (Also congratulations to stu.) (Great job, stu!) (Also congratulations to everyone else!) (Have a good weekend you all deserve it!)]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1

Justin Finnegan | Jun 4th Score:-28
I watch, read and consume a lot of wacky, wacky shit, but I generally draw the line at fantasy. Anyway, I keep waiting to dip my toe into the Game of Thrones pool, based on all of the buzz. However, that banner pic basically confirms my worst fears.
Posted in: Game Of Thrones Season 2 Finale Open Thread

[Ed. Note: FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! Jkjkjkjkjkj. I am kidding! (Good one!) But you should watch Game of Thrones, it's really good!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, KajusX & Chainsaws! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

  old man fatima | Jun 6th Score:17

So my roommate is all moved out and I was pleased as punch until this very moment because we used to read the friendly chats as a dialgoue where he was Gabe and I was Kelly and when I read this it made me laugh out loud and I had to call him on the phone on his new apartment so we could read it together.

Posted in: A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Mark-Paul Gosselar Says Saved By The Bell Is “Not A Great Show”

[Assoc. Ed. Note: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Frank Lloyd Wrong | Jun 7th Score:7

OK, I’ve been trying to cobble a Marilyn Horne/Marilyn Manson joke for the past 15 minutes, but it’s not working and I’m not sure too many people even know who Marilyn Horne is to make it work, so I feel like its a fool’s errand. I feel like I’ve lost the Kathleen Battle.

Posted in: Our Dreams Are So Small

[Ed. Note: This one just gets an A for Affort. Hang in there, buddy. You'll figure it out!]

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Comments (66)
  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Congrats on all of it FLW. You’re like our own batman. Or something.

    • *pushes up glasses* *puts on nerd voice* Actually, he’s more akin to the Hulk, or the Sentry; basically all of your Dr. Jekylls and Mr. Hydes and such. Batman kind of fits that mold but he is basically the same guy in both identities fighting for a common good, but in some of the later, more controversial storylines by writers like… etc, etc

  2. There are definitely too many podcasts, but I have room in my heart for one more #birdieforpodcast

  3. still having trouble processing that Comfort Death Robot video? me too. phew. Thankfully there is this:

    it’s Friday. Let’s jam.

  4. I call Shenanigans, Mr. Finnegan! You can’t get your full EGOT under false pretenses!

  5. CONGRATS BALLERS!! Happy weekend everyone! Make good decisions!

    I’m going off on a mini-vacay and I have no idea what the Internet situation is going to be so I might not see y’all ’til Thursday! Think of me as I’m forced to somehow live with the entire paternal side of my family jam packed into a 2 bedroom condo at the beach and the forecast looks like RAIN. So fun. So relaxing. So definitely not going to have to be forced to watch a Katherine Heigl movie by my aunts as we sit inside as it rains. WOOOOO.

    • don’t worry about the internet situation. it’ll be here when you get back. just relax and have fun.

      • Thank you!!! I will try! This child shall be my spirit guide this week! “Do you mind sharing the air mattress with your brother’s girlfriend?” “More sand.”

    • Have fun! Report back on which Katherine Heigl movie. I haven’t seen it, but I’m interested in The Ugly Truth as a cultural artifact.

      • Thank you so much! I will let you know what romcoms we end up with. All I can tell you about The Ugly Truth is that my parents went to see it in the theater when it came out and my dad proclaimed it to be “One of the dirtiest movies he’s ever seen.”

      • Thank you!! I will definitely keep you abreast of the Heigl shenanigans. All I can tell you about The Ugly Truth is that my dad proclaimed it “One of the dirtiest movies your mother has ever dragged me to.”

        • I hope for your sake it’s One For The Money, because at least it was based off of a fairly well-received/acclaimed Janet Evanovich book, which means at its worst mostly everybody in the movie was REALLY trying to do good and honor the source material.

          That’s really your best case Heigel scenario right there. It has a 2% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

  6. Frank Lloyd Wrong, HOLY CATS. That was some next level stuff right there.

    On the topic of my win, I’m curious if anyone has ever won a caption contest with an upvote score lower than 16. That’s crazy.

    • Lowest highest rated comment? That’s one for the Guinness Record movie.

    • I was thinking the same thing, not to say it’s not a big deal for you, good job KajusxX & Chainsaws, but where was everybody in the caption contest this week?

      • Hey, a win’s a win, right? I won the caption contest once before, which finally got me my True EGOT, but since I am only missing the #1 Highest Rated Comment slot to get my Full EGOT, achieving the lowest rated Caption Contest win is rather foreboding (plus, anytime I talk about EGOTs in the Monster’s Ball comments section it basically strips me of any well-received comments for a couple months. It’s science).

  7. Well, it’s been a quiet week here in Lake Videogum. I passed a big test which officially makes me a “someone to some people”, I fell just short of making the monster ball which is fun, and this afternoon I’m taking off from work early so I can buy my daughter balloons for her first birthday party tonight. The sun is out, the tomato plants are flowering. Somewhere, a little boy is gluing straw to the side of a float for the Colony Day Parade and tomorrow we will clap as he carefully hands us candy from a bucket because they aren’t allowed to throw it anymore because of lawsuits. Also, I bought a new thing at the store I’m excited to try out. This is the best summer of my life, and I hope you all are having the same.

    Everybody dance now?!

  8. Happy weekend! Tomorrow I am turning 26. I am going to spend the day re-evaluating my life choices as I slowly let it sink in that all my favorite CW teen soaps are geared towards people a full decade younger than me. And then I’ll probably have a Vampire Diaries marathon and drink a lot of wine.

  9. I learned a lot this week on Videogum… the most important lesson being that my spelling gets worse and worse as I get deep into QA errors for my day job and the most obvious being don’t let liberals argue about food (or do as that post got a lot of traffic).

    But I made it into the ball the same way I did my *very* first time, imitating our good friend Gwyneth. And for that I will crack a bottle of organic and biodynamically-produced sauvignon blanc from Sonoma County’s Russian River Valley that I have been chilling all day. I think it’s from 2010, which is a great year for that appellation’s sav blancs, but 2011 has proved to be rather promising so far as well. Then I will watch Contagion and think of all of you.

    Then I will wake up and probably look like this


    because I won’t actually even get away from my coding and QA until 9 or 10 tonight and my guess is that bottle will go down rather quickly as a result.

    • Her face wasn’t supposed to appear this large. Apologizes to everyone. I will send myself a note in regard to odd image sizes in my posts that I will discuss in a conference call with myself on Monday. Then I will circle back and reply to all of you as needed. I can also set up an interactive spreadsheet in the collective Sharepoint that will allow all of us to make notes as to which .jpg images transfer from preview to publish as intended and which do not. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns and I will try to address them before the call.

      Thanks,
      Badideajeans

  10. Chelsea Peretti is awesome. That is all.

  11. A year ago yesterday, I became a monster and it’s been one of the best things to happen to me. I just wanted to take a moment to recognize you guys and your crazy amazing selves. I would definitely grab some caramels with any of you and talk some Gosling or bash some Paltrier.

    BTW, in case you were wondering, Smokey Marcella is my stripper name. You know that game where you combine your childhood pet and street. I had a dog named Smokey and a cat named Lady. Thus my avatar. I was 2 months older than Smokey and we had her for 20 years, so I get a kick out of you guys calling me Smokey.

    P.S. What do you think of the update to my avatar to celebrate my monsterrversary?

  12. Um, is Gabe going to recap True Blood or not on Monday? I need to prepare accordingly.

  13. Yay! I’ve won two things on here, and they were both Kelly’s choice. I like Kelly. She is nice. (Submitted for next week’s Monster’s Ball)

    • Also, Montreal monsters! This Sunday Grindhouse Wednesdays is putting on an outdoor screening of the original Night of the Living Dead at the St Ambroise / McAuslan brewery. Movie starts at sundown, games and live band from around 7, snacks and delicious cheap beer to be had! Look them up on FB for details. I do not work for them, I just like them and want to see these events continue!

  14. GODDAMM IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Fuck you too, Photobucket!

    • If only there was a word in German to describe the pleasure I get from watching someone get their full EGOT, only to have it stripped away due to an unfortunate facebook connect error.

    • I’m late to this party but I just want to say that I’ve started an online petition to acknowledge FLW’s EGOT, facebook connect be darned.

      http://www.petitions.com/FLW_EGOT_FB_connect_beDARNED/476765832/agemingle

      However there is one stipulation – should the petition obtain a thousand signatures, and should we decide “Sure, yeah okay let’s acknowledge it” FLW has to agree to never again post pictures of

      1. Sea spiders
      2. Spiders in other already scary environments
      3. Tarantulas
      4. Brown Recluses
      5. Funnel web spider gifs
      6. Spider gifs involving either toilets or lights or wall clocks

      All other spider pictures will be accepted. In exchange, no sunflower pictures will be posted by myself, though sunflower MS Paints will be allowed.

  15. Krispy Kreme tells us to follow our dreams and then I finally get a spot in the ball thanks to the worst modification of a picture the Internet has ever seen. Our small dreams do come true. Fuck NASA.

  16. Aw, man, I snuck into a corner at work today to post this comment on my phone, only to learn hours later that it never appeared. So, here it is and I hope you monsters came back to see it:

    A year ago yesterday, I became a monster and it’s been one of the best things to happen to me. I just wanted to take a moment and recognize all of you for your amazing and crazy selves. I’d definitely grab some caramels with any of you to talk some Gosling or bash some Paltrow.

    BTW, in case you were wondering, smokey marcella is my stripper name. You know, that game where you combine your childhood pet and street to come up with a name. I had a dog named Smokey and a cat named Lady. That’s also where my avatar came from. Smokey and I were 2 months apart and she was a part of my life for 20 years, so I get a kick out of you guys calling me Smokey.

    P.S. What do you think of the update to my avatar to celebrate my monsterversary?

    • I noticed your avatar switcheroo, and I love it and your story! I think my porno/stripper name is something like either Panther Dovekie, Blitz Forest Hill, or Chirphead Hopi. Depends on the specific guidelines of what pet types are elligible (In order: cat, dog, and bird).

      I lived on Hopi the longest, but Panther Hopi and Blitz Hopi don’t have the same ring to them as CHIRPHEAD HOPI. Anyway!

      Congratulations, smokey marcella! HIGH FIVE!

    • Just so you all know my stripper name would be Mandy Loos. I am not kidding. But nakedpainter would probably be good, too.

      • I had a turtle whose name I don’t remember, and I lived on a few streets I don’t remember before coming to Canada, but if we take the first pet I remember and the first street I remember, I’d be Lucky French. Which is pretty great!

  17. Who needs upvotes when you’ve got a Beach Boys cassette worth $400? Not Chris Trash for damn sure.

  18. PLEASE BRING BACK GABE’S TRUEBLOOD REVIEWS!!!!! yes i needed that in all caps, that’s how much I enjoy his dislike of the show.

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