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Hollywood, in Her infinite wisdom, is developing a movie based on the Guinness Book of World Records. So smart. Such a good basis for a compelling human narrative. OUR generation’s Battleship. From Deadline:
Warner Bros is negotiating a rights deal to use The Guinness Book Of World Records as the basis for an action adventure film. The film has been set up at WB-based Thunder Road, and the studio has hired Danny Chun (The Office) to write the script.
OK great. So we’re all definitely on board with this project. But the question now is WHICH WORLD RECORD should star in the movie? Should it be “world’s largest change jar”? Or “most donuts eaten in two seconds”? Ahhhhhh! WHICH IS THE MOST DRAMATIC WORLD RECORD WITH THE MOST INTERESTING BACK STORY AND THE RELATABLE REDEMPTION TALE? Is it “tallest frog”? Or maybe “world’s sleepiest court reporter”? There are eight million stories in the naked Guinness Book of World Records.
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Sometimes the worst thing that could ever happen DOES happen.
The twins on the motorcycles have to play a significant role or this thing is never getting the green light.
Most upvoted comment
What a weird sounding suggestion.
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/size/largest-collection-of-charlies-angels-memorabilia
Largest Collection of Charlie’s Angels memorabilia
Most sand.
“even a record amount is never enough…”
think I’ve got the plot figured out.
2 words – Bee Beard
Poor Abe Simpson, that record was almost his once. The Guinness Record crowd is a hard crowd to run with.
That’s my favorite character from Lord of the Rings!
If world’s largest pizza and world’s fattest man don’t have a scene together then there’s no justice in this world.
Scariest Spider
KEEP THAT OUT OF MY MOVIE
Most asinine movie concept?
Gnarliest Kickflip
Most Snails on the face.
What is with the horrifying pictures today? Between this and the sea spiders, my morning is off to a nauseous start.
Avatar should be in there somewhere, right?
Most Unobtainable Unobtainium?
See my comment above.
McGuire twins but only if Jack Black and Philip Seymour Hoffman sign on.
Jack White can star as the cry baby that complained about his record for shortest concert.
Crunchiest Groove
So this will be like an X-Men movie, but instead of mutations that make people awesome, you have questionable life decisions that garner de minimis levels of attention? Great.
Largest Collection of Daleks
Longest Journey By Skateboard
Dog with the Longest Ears
Largest Afro
Most Dogs Skipping on a Rope
(all of these are real, I got them from a HuffPo article)
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/09/15/guinness-book-of-world-re_n_963611.html
I remember the Dalek story, and I remember that that dude doesn’t even watch or really much like Doctor Who. He just thinks Daleks are cool? Whaaat?
I do think it would be interesting to explore the strained friendship between the pictured woman with the longest nails (I hope she is anyway) and the person with the second-longest nails. Act 3 could be a retelling of the Samson and Delilah story.
With the person with the world’s longest hair as Samson. And then the person playing Delilah ACTUALLY cuts his/her hair on camera even though the producers told him/her they were just going to pretend and do it in post. Then we get to see the reaction. It will be fantastic.
I don’t know about a whole movie, but I could at least read an article about how the fuck that woman with the fingernails lives life on a daily basis. She can’t type on anything, she can’t tie anything or do anything up, she can’t cook anything, she can’t do any kind of chores. Do “really long fingernails” count as a disability? I can’t see how she could hold down a job. Maybe the sideshow business is more lucrative than I thought.
Also, she must hold a secondary title for the World’s Most Careful Woman. My nails are pretty short and I still break them every time I grow them past the tips of my fingers.
Maybe as a nail polish tester?
APPARENTLY she got into a car accident and lost her POOR fingernails. Also: there’s an episode of that show MY STRANGE OBSESSION with some lady who has extremely long fingernails and toenails and even though she has diabetes and doctors warn her that she NEEDS to cut them she won’t. So weird!
Wait wait. She needs to cut them because of her diabetes? Are they just using that as an excuse for her to stop being gross about cutting her nails?
well with her gross long toenails causing her to walk all weird and diabetic neuropathy, she had a huge risk of bad nerve damage to her feet. needless to say, she was taking care of her diabetes about as well as she was taking care of her finger/toenails.
Ugh that lady with the nails. Her hands should star in a Guillermo del Toro movie.
What really grosses me out is that there is no way she can wash her hands.
I LOVE how the first thing you list is “she can’t type on anything” and not “she can’t properly wipe.” Typing was the first thing I thought of too. #priorities.
It’s because we were both typing at the moment, I think. At least that’s what I will tell myself.
My friend has a Guiness Book Of World Records award for the “Largest Collection of Pizza Related Items” hahaha.
My friend has (or had, last I checked) most distance traveled by train in 24 hours. Pretty cool, but probably not what they’re going for.
How does that work? Why wouldn’t anyone else on the train have the same statistics? How fast *was* this train?
Here’s an article about it: http://www.worldrecordsacademy.org/travel/longest_distance_travelled_by_train_in_24_hours-world_record_set_by_Corey_Pedersen_and_Mike%20Kim_90148.htm
Basically, you can’t loop back at all, so they came up with this itinerary that took them through a lot of Japan (fast-ass trains). They made two attempts, because weather got in the way the first time.
So they signed up to do it? That’s pretty awesome.
I am going to hell. http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/extraordinary/hairiest-teenager
So, is 1,001 Blond Jokes going to stay in turnaround FOREVER?
Most Dogs Skipping on a Rope, starring Birdie as all the dogs (ala Michael Keaton in Multiplicity), is a movie that I would see.
Sorry, KajusX. You know that one was for you.
From Most Winning to Least Winning – Starring Charlie Sheen
It’s doubtful her butt is very clean. And don’t get me started on her WPM – atrocious!
Krispiest Kreme.
I’m with everyone else’s twins-on-bikes idea. I’m picturing a Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure-style (and -quality!) romp with that tiny Indian guy and the big Amazon lady. And something about freakish goats, maybe, I dunno. Not faintin’ goats, though, bless their little hearts.
I was just spit-ballin’ there.
Rando, I worked for Pee-Wee’s sister Abby in Nashville. He would call the office from time to time. We all called him Uncle Paul. Apparently they have a “bad other brother,” which I think speaks volumes to this other brother’s badness.