Hollywood, in Her infinite wisdom, is developing a movie based on the Guinness Book of World Records. So smart. Such a good basis for a compelling human narrative. OUR generation’s Battleship. From Deadline:

Warner Bros is negotiating a rights deal to use The Guinness Book Of World Records as the basis for an action adventure film. The film has been set up at WB-based Thunder Road, and the studio has hired Danny Chun (The Office) to write the script.

OK great. So we’re all definitely on board with this project. But the question now is WHICH WORLD RECORD should star in the movie? Should it be “world’s largest change jar”? Or “most donuts eaten in two seconds”? Ahhhhhh! WHICH IS THE MOST DRAMATIC WORLD RECORD WITH THE MOST INTERESTING BACK STORY AND THE RELATABLE REDEMPTION TALE? Is it “tallest frog”? Or maybe “world’s sleepiest court reporter”? There are eight million stories in the naked Guinness Book of World Records.

Comments (53)
  1. Sometimes the worst thing that could ever happen DOES happen.

  2. The twins on the motorcycles have to play a significant role or this thing is never getting the green light.

  3. Most upvoted comment

  4. Most sand.

  5. 2 words – Bee Beard

  6. If world’s largest pizza and world’s fattest man don’t have a scene together then there’s no justice in this world.

  7. Scariest Spider

  8. Most asinine movie concept?

  9. Gnarliest Kickflip

  10. Most Snails on the face.

  11. Avatar should be in there somewhere, right?

  12. McGuire twins but only if Jack Black and Philip Seymour Hoffman sign on.

  13. Jack White can star as the cry baby that complained about his record for shortest concert.

  14. Crunchiest Groove

  15. So this will be like an X-Men movie, but instead of mutations that make people awesome, you have questionable life decisions that garner de minimis levels of attention? Great.

  16. Largest Collection of Daleks
    Longest Journey By Skateboard
    Dog with the Longest Ears
    Largest Afro
    Most Dogs Skipping on a Rope

    (all of these are real, I got them from a HuffPo article)

  17. I do think it would be interesting to explore the strained friendship between the pictured woman with the longest nails (I hope she is anyway) and the person with the second-longest nails. Act 3 could be a retelling of the Samson and Delilah story.

    • With the person with the world’s longest hair as Samson. And then the person playing Delilah ACTUALLY cuts his/her hair on camera even though the producers told him/her they were just going to pretend and do it in post. Then we get to see the reaction. It will be fantastic.

  18. I don’t know about a whole movie, but I could at least read an article about how the fuck that woman with the fingernails lives life on a daily basis. She can’t type on anything, she can’t tie anything or do anything up, she can’t cook anything, she can’t do any kind of chores. Do “really long fingernails” count as a disability? I can’t see how she could hold down a job. Maybe the sideshow business is more lucrative than I thought.

  19. My friend has a Guiness Book Of World Records award for the “Largest Collection of Pizza Related Items” hahaha.

  20. So, is 1,001 Blond Jokes going to stay in turnaround FOREVER?

  21. Most Dogs Skipping on a Rope, starring Birdie as all the dogs (ala Michael Keaton in Multiplicity), is a movie that I would see.

  22. From Most Winning to Least Winning – Starring Charlie Sheen

  23. It’s doubtful her butt is very clean. And don’t get me started on her WPM – atrocious!

  24. Krispiest Kreme.

  25. I’m with everyone else’s twins-on-bikes idea. I’m picturing a Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure-style (and -quality!) romp with that tiny Indian guy and the big Amazon lady. And something about freakish goats, maybe, I dunno. Not faintin’ goats, though, bless their little hearts.

    • I was just spit-ballin’ there.

      Rando, I worked for Pee-Wee’s sister Abby in Nashville. He would call the office from time to time. We all called him Uncle Paul. Apparently they have a “bad other brother,” which I think speaks volumes to this other brother’s badness.

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