Photos
I know that most of the people who read this site are 12-year-old girls who haven’t watched a movie on anything other than their Microsoft KIN, so please feel free to disregard the rest of this post and go back to writing “Mr. and Mrs. Lutz” on your jeans in Sharpie. But, I was talking to a friend this weekend and Snow White and the Huntsman came up, OBVIOUSLY, it was a Saturday night at a bar in Brooklyn and two grown men were talking, what did you think could come up? But so, I said that it was something I would probably watch at some point in my life, but that I would probably wait until it came out on DVD or HBO2, to which my friend responded that he thought it was one of those movies that you needed to see in the theater. What he meant, of course, was that any movie with such an emphasis on visual effects and epic set pieces deserved to be seen on the big screen. I did not throw my drink on the ground Thor-style and run to the theater to catch the midnight screening of Snow White and the Huntsman, but it did strike a chord with me, a chord that I have slowly come to believe is no longer a real chord. When a movie like Battleship comes out that I have a mild interest in seeing for poops and chuckles but don’t want to pay $11 to see, my first thought is always that I should still probably pay the $11 because “you need to see a movie like that on the big screen.” But I’ve been thinking about it, and you really don’t. Oh, there’s nothing better than a Dolby sound system and a seat full of bed bugs and a dude pressing his knees into the back of your head as he turns his lap into a Chinese restaurant (one time a dude sitting behind me had an entire buffet dinner from a Chinese restaurant, which seems cool and I definitely enjoyed) in terms of a communal experience. It’s the best! When people shout stuff at the screen and answer their cellphones? Love it. “I’m at the movies, can I call you back.” Sure you can! Call them back! Good transmission of information, they and we all appreciate it. But in terms of the need to see things on the big screen: this is from when we used to watch VHS on terrible television sets. It was a real thing not that long ago. You did need to see things in the theater because they looked like shit if you saw them at home. That’s not true anymore! (This is a good thinkpiece and if anyone wants to contact me for the reprint rights for Harper’s or The Atlantic Monthly, please contact my agent at Mensa.) Look, the point is: television sets are nice now, and I don’t own a Blu Ray player, but even an upconvert DVD player does a pretty good job, and HD TV fuhgettaboutit. I’m saying this dumb obvious thing because it’s actually a relatively new realization for me that my instinct is based on an outmoded sense of reality, and I don’t think I’m alone because a friend of mine at the bar said I needed to see Snow White and the Fucking Huntsman on the big screen. GOT TO. Men of a certain age. The world has changed, I can feel it in the water. (I actually do love going to the movies and still think people should go to the movies. You do you.) Hey, Ray Bradbury died! Sad. One time my friend and I went to a Ray Bradbury book signing because we had thought he was already dead and realized that God had given us a second chance. True story. We were very cool in high school. We went to all the coolest book signings. Saw EVERYTHING in the theater. You gotta. #Cool #Blogs #BluRayBradbury
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 The Best Phone Conversation In Movie Herstory | Mike’s Movie Memories |  Favorite Movies Of 2012 | There’s No Time To Explain! |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
many of the complaints you have logged are the result of seeing movies in the city…and probably on the weekend.
i still enjoy seeing certain movies in the theater – and not usually the ones you described. [kids these days call them "popcorn movies"]. I’ve got a stable of favorite actors, directors, etc. and I tend to trek to the theater and hand over $12 to see them when I want to be fully immersed in the movies.
as a well-behaved movie goer, I turn my phone off, and refrain from talking to anyone, etc. and its often hard to avoid these distractions at home because sometimes, goddammit your dog knocks over your drink and you have to scrub the carpet while Ryan Gosling cracks some skulls and oh, what happened? I was imagining what the emergency might be since I’ve heard sirens for the 3rd time in 15 minutes.
what I’m saying is, sometimes the theater is the best available way – and one’s best chance – to fully experience a movie. that is, of course, until I can afford an apartment with a spare room with no windows and one of these chairs:
Not too long ago I saw 2001 on the big screen and it was awesome. ‘Nuff said. RIP Mr. Bradbury. I once showed up too late for an appearance by him because I misread the time and my friend who was with me is still pissed.
probably even more pissed now.
When I was at Moonrise Kingdom this weekend the theater chain ran an ad that started with a real-looking scene that shrunk and shrunk and shrunk until it looked like the size of a postage stamp. The punch line was something like “don’t do this to your movies!”
The thing is, that little square WAS about the size of my TV screen. But I don’t sit 50 feet away from my TV, ahdoy. Even before the ad started I was thinking about how, in visual area, the experience of the screen wasn’t really more immersive than watching my TV or holding an ipad in front of my face (with good headphones on!)
However, I was happy I went out to see it in a theater. I got to see the movie early, before being influenced by a bunch of opinions on it. The audience was actually well behaved and the laughter was infectious. And yeah, seeing the thing in the dark with the sound up loud IS a little more immersive. For a quality movie, it’s probably still worth the $15 with Fandango fees and shit.
I do think there’s something to the communal experience of seeing a movie in a theater. It’s a shared experience between friends and strangers that, in an increasingly isolationist society, is becoming a rarer phenomenon, and it’s an important one. Going to see The Avengers at midnight (I know, LADIES) with a bunch of rowdy nerds was GREAT, because it was a bunch of people I had nothing in common with besides a movie but, for a few hours, that was enough. I know that nobody ever says, “that’s a movie you should see in theaters” referring to the societal aspect of film watching, and the theory holds truer for some movies than others, but I do think it matters.
I’ll never forget when I saw the last Harry Potter at midnight and it smelled like nerd sweat and Doritos. The movie didn’t come on for like 15 minutes and all the audience members raised their magic wands to make it start. Since I was AN ADULT, I went to the theater’s manager and had them start the movie. But it was so much fun and I got to learn I would never ever be able to handle something like Comic Con for only $9. (Though I did dress up for The Hunger Games because any excuse to dress up like a Capitol citizen, am I right ladies???)
Also, there’s the impatience/first-mover element associated with highly anticipated movies that is being overlooked here. Until people can watch any new movie from home the same day it is released in theaters, Gabe’s argument (was there an argument?) is a moot point*. Sure, I’ll still wait for the Battleships and Snow White and the Huntsmans of the world to make it to BluRay/HBO, but I’m not waiting 6 months to watch movies that I’m really excited about seeing and are actually enhanced by the large-scale IMAX/THX treatment (e.g. The Avengers, Dark Knight Rises, LoTR, etc).
*I know the concept of concurrent home releases has been experimented with (in fact, given the title of this post, that’s what I thought this was going to be about, but alas), but it still seems far from reality.
What says “commitment” more than paying $60 to see Tower Heist in your own home at the same time that some schmuck is paying $9 to see it at midnight in a theater?
Or “agoraphobia.” But let’s be honest, can you really put a price on not having to ask for a ticket to see Tower Heist?
I felt this way when I saw the Mountain Goats a handful of times years ago. I didn’t know a lot of people that liked his music, but when there was a whole room (or a tiny bar) of people singing along, it was lovely.
Granted there are a lot more Harry Potter nerds than there are Mountain Goats nerds, but I think that sense of community is the same.
99% of movies aren’t shared communal experiences where everyone experiences a temporary unspoken connection with the strangers around them.
I think that communal argument is bullshit. People bonding through a screening of The Raven? Give me a break.
Maybe this happens with the big blockbusters with marketing that we’ve all been culturally immersed and saturated in, one liners dripping off our skin.
But even then, most of the time you are sitting there in silence for two hours, at best asking someone if the seats next to them are taken.
This whole post was just a set-up for #BluRayBradbury wasn’t it?
Ray Bradbury was awesome. About 3 years ago I took a copy of the Illustrated Man to a signing. It is the copy that I bought when I was 12 at a garage sale and the one book I always move with me whenever I move. Anyway, I was 12,000th in line, and the line was full of assholes who’d brought entire shopping bags of books for him to sign so they could “complete their collection” of having his signature on every freakin’ edition ever published of all his books. Also plenty of people with ebay schemes. Meanwhile there was a sign that said “Limit of 2 books each.” And here’s the thing. Bradbury signed every goddamn book. He stayed all day. By the time it got to me he could barely lift his head and his signature was a scrawl. But he stayed for every single reader, no matter how many of his readers were huge assholes who he would have hated in real life. He was just such an enthusiast.
I got to see him speak 3 other times and ran into him at a science convention once, too. He was great. Seriously great.
This is a great story.
My aunt met him in about 1965 at some writers thing (she was a struggling writer) and he was the only famous one there, so, after hours, all the others begged him to tell a story. They were sitting around a fireplace and clearly he was into the idea but pretending not to be. “Oh, no, I couldn’t…” But they wheedled, pleeeeease. My aunt was getting annoyed both with the wheedlers and his act, but finally he began, “Well… okay. Once, there was a man…” and he paused, and picked up his coffee, began to stir it for dramatic effect — and immediately dropped it all over himself. OooOOOooops!
My aunt tells this story as an object lesson of some sort, but every time, I think it is exactly what I would have done and it only makes me like him more.
Ray Bradbury is possibly one of the most influential people in my life. I’m having a hard time articulating just how much he patterned my young life. I used to carry a copy of Fahrenheit 451 around with me in my pocket and read it every time I sat down like modern kids now do with cell phones. I am hardly shocked by his passing, since he was 91 years old and I completely expected him to be gone years ago. He will be irreplaceable.
My own Bradbury sized prediction of the future? Give them less than 5 years and Hollywood will have a new trashy butchered version of Fahrenheit 451 out on the streets making all manner of vile confusion out of the legacy of the original book. I know Ray has been in constant opposition of continual attempts to remake the movie. Now that he’s gone, I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.
Next, you’ll tell me that they have the internet on computers now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YozC8yFrZKI
More like Ray Sadbury.
He predicted so many things, like ATMs and upvotes.
One of the best times I’ve had in a movie theater was when my college had a midnight screening of Harry Potter. It was great. Sitting for an hour in an old fashioned movie theater lobby with a bunch of people your age who genuinely love the same thing you do. Being in a theater of people who laughed at the right times and catcalled at others (there was nothing funnier than the scene of Harry getting into that tub)..
I still see movies with the hope of recapturing that community feeling.
Those are great times. My best was skipping school to see Episode 1, and having the camaraderie and excitement palpable amongst the crowd. I was with a guy who looked like Nic Cage and everyone cheered for him for some reason I don’t remember, and people made shirts and had lightsabers and were atwitter with what would surely be the pop culture milestone of our young lives. Sam Jackson! Ewan McGregor! LIAM NEESON! Ray Park when people cared about Ray Park!
We all lost our innocence that day.
The last harry potter movie was pretty great. I was old enough to drink and got a bit tipsy off of Liquid Lucks and Gillyweeds. Plus watching my friend break down into major raccoon eyed tears every five minutes was amazing. Not to mention that someone dressed up as The Doctor which just made my night
When I saw The Two Towers at midnight everyone would cheer at the right moments, it was great.
I am so so so excited for the Dark Knight Rises at midnight, I know it’s going to be ridiculous and fun. I just like getting caught up in the collective emotions of the audience.
I’ve had some seriously fabulous times at midnight premieres. My favorite I think was the final Harry Potter. I was sitting beside one of my best friends and we were nearly thrown into a fit of hysterical giggles at a very inappropriate time because girlfriend a row back from us was STRAIGHT UP HEAVESOBBING starting like 5 minutes before SPOILER ALERT(?) Snape dies.
And I had a lovely time at the Hunger Games too.I seriously cannot wait to see The Hobbit at midnight because when the original LOTR movies came out I was in middle/high school and had SCHOOL the next day.
There truly is something about going to see highly anticipated movies at midnight, or even just in opening weekend. Heck, I saw The Avengers in its second weekend and it was still really fun. Everyone in my theater was pumped and well behaved (except for the kid that had to go to the bathroom 5 MILLION TIMES.)
Basically, yes, you definitely don’t HAVE to go see anything in a movie theater. We all (all of us, there are no exceptions) have really nice TVs and DVD players. But it’s still fun.
I always enjoy Gabe’s theater-going stories. Like that one time he went to a Tyler Perry movie by himself and brought a fresh fruit snack, but was sufficiently self-conscious about eating said fresh fruit snack that he kept it hidden until the lights went down.
Maybe if Gabe didn’t enjoy his bananas so seductively he wouldn’t have to hide it.
Fuck everyone, including me, for not having upvoted your comment at least 1,000 times by now.
This is kind of unrelated but Lizzing brought this up to me at Zumba the other day. What do you guys think of the mactops getting rid of the Optical drives? i feel like there’s s lot of speculation about just streaming everything where things are getting ahead of themselves.
Like, I pretty much only just buy vinyl and spotify premium as far as music goes and I see vinyl being pretty unnecessary except for the need to “own” something physical. Tell you the truth I couldn’t tell you the difference between a vinyl and a high quality stream unless it’s an album I’ve heard la bajillion times, like Electric Ladyland or something. I also own a few copies of my music CD library on a couple computers. On the other hand, I bet that most people can tell the difference between a 1080p bluray and a crappy 700Mb internet download. Even if you don’t want the 1080, there is still a bigger market for it than for people who buy vinyl.
It makes sense to me how music is in the cloud, but I don’t see how movies and tv shows can exist in the same way, at least not for a while longer. Maybe if the standard hard drive size was something like 5tbs. But even then transferring all my stuff would be a herculean task. I mean I guess you could just download everything but my internet is crappy, so there’s still infrastructure stuff to mess about with on to.
Even, if in theory, Netflix or something becomes as competent as spotify, where you can listen to a new release that same day legally there are still loads of people who would not get it. My parents can somehow work facebook but think Netflix is the devil’s work. Please?! Why won’t anyone think of the Noob market? Anyways, I forgot what my point was(if any). If you or someone you know can make sense of my ramblings, please advice. Thanks, in advance. I’ll take my answer of the air.
I have no idea what 90% of these words mean.
A CD, or compact disc, was a common form of musical data storage in the late 20th century.
I certainly would think–yet have no idea–we’re heading towards material-less movie watching a la the mp3. These bitparts get smaller and smaller and can hold more and more stuff; I think five years from now it wouldn’t be unimaginable that we use our cell phone wallets to zzz money to the cloud in return for a high quality movie…Maybe they can make the cell phone wallet small enough to embed in our bodies.
I think Zumba will always exist in a nondigital format though
The good folks at Zumba inc. have wrestled my comment into “awaiting moderation” status…Essential knowledge forthcoming!
I take issue with this for a number of reasons. The first one being that cloud storage is pretty easy to hack into and should be used as backup for a personal hard drive or other things. (This being said I love Spotify.)
The second being that I know *so many* people who don’t own a TV but constantly stream TV and movies on their laptops… which is FINE. However, that laptop usually cost between $1200 and $2000 and constant use of a laptop for things like streaming movies and TV takes a serious toll on the system and will kill the fan faster than other activities (something about the image card causing overheating). And most people don’t know the signs of a stalled, broken or blocked fan… and that the extra heating can actually fry your motherboard and memory card if you don’t fix it in time, and that’s the best case scenario in which someone realizes they can fix a computer before they ditch it. Or burn their lap while watching Netflix in bed… which I’ve read about more times than I want to talk about.
Plus you can get a decent TV for significantly less money than a laptop, have a larger screen, stream your stories on that and save the life of your computer by many MANY years. I’ve had my TV since 2005 and have killed approximately 5 laptops been now and then (though mostly due to my nerdy programming activities and that laptops are built like fabrige eggs and I think some were memory crashes). But if I’m doing an intense project for work or for me, I take notes on an actual notebook on the off-chance something in my work’s cloud storage or my personal hard drive fails and I forget which page needs to have what tag.
Not to mention the environmental impact that disposing of laptops at a faster rate creates. I also take issue with Kindles for this because fine, your warranty covered stuff and you got it replaced, but at the end of the day that paper book I just dumped a glass of
winecoffee upon will eventually rot and go back into the Earth and a plastic / heavy metal-filled reading device will not. (This being said, I live in a place where space is a luxury I can afford and if I were still in New York or any place similar, I’d probably be more friendly to microstorage and whatnot… or not. I break electronics VERY quickly. Or lose them.)Plus, I’m old and afraid of change.
Plus, it’s really irritating when some asshole says, “I don’t even own a tv.”, then proceeds to interject commentary into conversation about every tv show that I am talking about with some other couch potato who also ‘owns’ a tv. “Oh, I stream the episodes. . .” says the asshole. “Listen, I’m the asshole here, asshole.” says me.
I loved, loved loved my Kizzeendle and I they might actually be a somewhat not too bad environmentally conscious alternative to books, since that way they don’t kill the trees? I am basing that on a study that I just read from the Speaking Out of My Ass Institute, BTW. But I am with you on the frailty of them. Those things are flimsier than floo. I’m on my third one right now.
What you mention about the short life is more austeric. If you buy one of these new laptops you’re buying a laptop for a couple of years. In those couple of years there’s no way we will be all in Dat Cloud. If anything we’re still a couple of iGenerations away from that.
I’ve heard the no-tree, cheaper shipping cost argument for Kindles by MANY. But what happens to the not-recyclable or reusable parts if you break it? They can’t just sit in landfills, and I’ve been told by a number of environmental activists and scientists that leaving a computer in your basement may actually have a smaller impact than taking it apart in a “green” recycling scenario because of the way certain metals and alloys and chips and science things work. Ultimately, with time, a book will rot. And I can drop it on the floor and will still be able to read it. But I also have a place large enough to allow me to own books, which I know many people do not.
This being said, I got my iPhone replaced a few months ago because it was still under warranty and while I appreciated the shiny new appliance THAT WAS FREE, I ultimately felt terrible because I know those things are made with awful conflict minerals by overworked people in horrible factories. But “wah wah wah my iPhone was overheating and one of the speakers was weird so I needed a new one” because it was free and because this is AMERICA. So as much as I have disdain for modern appliances and gadgets, I am not immune to their allure.
Oh, No, I understand the rotting part. Rotting is great. If all things in earth would rot the world would be a better place. I’m asking more for the deforestation aspect of it. Like, Newspapers are slowly dying sand so is standard mail. Again, I am only thinking about passages from the study I mentioned aobve.
Another thing I was thinking of is, will computer companies be , eventually, ostracized for puters’ short lifespan? Like like like, the way car companies are because they don’t focus on getting better gas mileage or electric companies for not using smart grids, solar, wind, taco power, etc. What other wonders does the brave new world hold for us?
I hope so. Computer and technology manufacturers really need to be held accountable for their impacts, especially as so many are already outsourcing to China so they have little-to-no regulation to face on how their machines are made. Hell, DVRs take up more power than refrigerators and other major appliances.
Plus trees *really* are a renewable resource. I’ve seen some terrifying clear-cut foresting since I moved to Oregon and it’s totally shocking. But there is a law that for every tree that is cut, either 4 or 6 need to be planted in their place. And it’s not just to placate the Earth First! types. It’s to ensure this state’s economy will exist in 100 or 200 years. I’ve also seen clear cut forests in various stages since they were ripped down and stuff grows surprisingly fast. Or maybe not surprisingly fast. There is a thorny weed I forgot to pull in my yard a few weeks ago because it was thorny and annoying and between the past weeks’ sun and the rain, that thing is almost as tall as I am. Of course, we should be using hemp for stuff like paper but … yeah yeah, I’ll go back to my yurt.
As for movies: why don’t they link the price to the cost? If I want to see The Avengers, it will cost $19. If I want to see Winter’s Bone or Marcy May Marlene Moops, it will cost $4. Brown Bunny? That’s a nickel and a poke in the eye. This is how it works with cars. They don’t all cost the same. You don’t go to a dealership and say, “Here’s my $17,000, one for the Porsche please.”
You probably shouldn’t use the term “poke in the eye” when referring to Brown Bunny… I mean unless that’s what you are into. But even then… Vincent Gallo? Hotspur, don’t get poked by that dude. Just don’t. That’s his diseases are spread — through Vincent Gallo.
How not is how. Hey @barackobama, can you please fire autocorrect?
What?? It was the platform he RAN ON. What part of CHANGE don’t you understand?
I don’t understand why the prices don’t change based on demand. Why charge the same price for one ticket on a Wednesday when the whole theater is empty as on a Friday night when it’s full? They have to run the movies regardless of how many people show up, so why don’t any theaters offer half price nights to get more butts in seats?
The theaters around me have different prices based on the time and day of the week. I take advantage of my working random hours by going when the tickets are $5.
Wow, smart theaters. Looks like my extensive letter writing campaign finally paid off somewhere.
Ray Bradbury is the best, and everyone should watch Something Wicked This Way Comes on whatever medium you have tonight in honor of the best. Unless you have laserdisc because hahahahahaha
Um, I’m going to watch it on a book..?
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
That is the best way. You are watching it on you imaaaaagination.
Books are the best medium. Use your imaaaagination!
(insert a spongebob gif here. I tried and the internet smote me and my aspirations to the ground)
The trick is to have kids and then you don’t have to worry about going to the movies because you can’t.
I’ve distrusted (mistrusted?) the ‘communal experience’ ever since [crossed out for jokes: the Kronstadt rebellion!!1!] I went to see ‘The Hangover’ and laughed; in retrospect, I was wrong and it’s all everybody’s else’s fault.
THAT SAID not every cinema is filled with great big jerks, and when you think about it doesn’t this contradict Gabe’s admirable line on people paying for the movies that they see, kind of?
It’s “untrusted.”
I think more movie theaters need the assigned seating when buying tickets option as well as real life employees who introduce the film beforehand and everyone in the the theater is not afraid to tell people to turn their fucking phones off. This has been my experience in LA seeing films at places like your ArcLights and your Landmark Cinemas, and I’m very happy how serious people are out here about not disturbing other viewers (it still happens of course, because people are fucking monsters, but at least people speak up about it on the regular and those monsters are shamed).
I love Arclight.
So I also love Arclight, but it is bullshit that tickets cost $16 on a Sunday afternoon, with $3 validated parking. My boyfriend and I paid $35 to see Drive, and the lights in the theater stayed on for the first ten minutes of the movie. Arclight used to be so far above the competition that the prices were justified (and they do have a guarantee that an employee watches the first part of the movie to make sure everything works), but now I find it hard to justify shelling out.
The Vista is my favorite. I also like the Landmark and the Arclight in Sherman Oaks.
HOLY CRAP YES. I went to see Moonrise Kingdom last weekend and bought the tickets really early in the day, but due to my friends being late to everything we ended up in the front row and it was awful. Would’ve been amazing to pick my seat when I bought the ticket. They do that with Imax now around here and it’s so much better.
NO! Arclight discriminates against single people! I can never get the seat I want because there are so many seating scenarios in which they won’t let you buy an individual ticket. That’s why I missed the first showing of Pearl Jam Twenty and I’ll never forgive them for it.
WHAT? I’ve never heard of that. I go see movies by myself all the time (not to brag) and assigned seating is so easy because a lot of times I get those good single seats couples and groups of people have to pass over. I’m like movie theater mortar. In fact, every time I sit down I go, “IT’S MORTARIN’ TIME!” like I’m the Thing.
“You may not leave a single unoccupied seat at the end of a row or between your seats and sold seats. Do not select seats adjacent to wheelchair spaces unless you are accompanying the occupant of the wheelchair space.” Those rules (for a nearly sold out PJ20 screening) meant I would have had to buy two tickets to get a seat, and I, for one, cannot afford such frivolous spending.
For NY monsters, I have to say the Nitehawk has made moviegoing way more palatable (fair price, kickass seating, good movies, food service and booze if you want it).
I saw Wit Stillman there last night presenting Damsels in Distress (great, btw) and he lamented that not many theater experiences are enjoyable.
I like the scale of presentation and live audience energy of movie theaters, but too often going to the movies is as fun and respectful as a rush hour train. That I have that attitude makes me feel like a Gran Torino-sized old crank.
One of the best movie experiences I ever had was watching all three Backs to the Future; this was a promotional thing for the release of the third one. I think Parts 2 and 3 are probably just OK movies, but they were mind blowing all together. Plus I got a pin that says, “I saw the future back to back to back.” That’s one of the laziest things I’ve ever read but I still have it, because I enjoyed the experience so much.
But: also I just saw Moonrise Kingdom in the theatre and it was great, and immediately after it was over I heard someone say, “I don’t know, it was a little Wes Andersony for me.” So.
“Hey dude, what’re you up to?”
“I’m watching all three Backs to the Future.”
“Don’t you mean you’re watching the Back to the Future trilogy?”
“…”
“Hello?”
*click*
With the advent of the over 21 movie theaters like Cineopolis and ArcLight, it’s becoming fun for us oldz to go to the movies again. I remember seeing Iron Man at the ArcLight in Sherman Oaks, and I had to show my ID to buy the ticket. But then I got to buy a beer and a cooked fresh mini pizza and take it in with me. The seats were cushy and reclined like a Lazy Boy. It’s worth the extra money because of this:
In my experience the worst person to sit near in a movie is not the cell phone talkers, because eventually the entire theater shuts them down, but a teenage dude trying to impress his date. Those chumps will throw out “witty” one-liners every other sentence in the movie and will try to cop a feel and get shut down repeatedly. Meanwhile the girl is giggling nervously through the whole thing. If you tell the guy to be quiet he will without fail try to act tough.
When people won’t be quiet, I’ve always been a fan of the line, “Hey guys! What are we talking about?” but only if it can be asked dead serious. Like, REALLY sincerely.
It’s like, “Well, you guys are obviously doing your own thing with this movie serving as background noise, and since it’s now gotten very hard for the film to compete for my attention, I’m not even going to attempt fighting it (what rational person would?)! I’ll just join in with you guys.”
There can’t be a hint of passive-aggressiveness though (because it’s a ridiculously passive-aggressive thing to do). They’ve got to think that if they don’t shut up they will have to talk to some guy about who the fuck knows in a darkened theater for as long as the stranger wants.
Then, a little while after they shut it, lean over and whisper a question about the plot or who an actor is in the scene. New friends!
Oh my god, that would’ve been amazing. I think if you had done that and I’d been in the theater, I’d have given you the $11 bucks and said “this one’s on me”
I don’t have a great movie-going story, so I’ll borrow my friend’s. He and a friend were eating lunch in Westwood, when they saw a big crowd gathering for a movie premiere. The crowd was largely female, and many of them were screaming fans. Throughout the movie, the crowd cheered and laughed with great enthusiasm, and my friend got swept up in the emotion and walked away thinking he had seen a fabulous movie. It was only later that he learned he was not supposed to enjoy Glitter.
Wait, I thought of another movie going story: when I saw The Piano, an old man in the back yelled out, apropos of nothing, “FINNNNGGEERRRRRRRR!!” and then about half an hour later he said, “NAKED.”
And one more from me – let’s not forget that Titanic happened at the height of popularity for laser pens. Watching the naked scene with my mom was awkward enough without some fifteen-year-old boy tracing Kate Winslet’s nipples.
OH LORD, I forgot about the scourge of assholes with laser pens. Those were dark days.
WHY DO THE SCIENTISTS KEEP MAKING THEM???
Hey fuck you Gabe, maybe the microsoft KIN was my free phone option this year!
Theaters are overrated. I’m pretty much done with them. Movies in the comfort of my own home- pausing for pee breaks- cheap, wide variety of snacks- what’s not to love?
Plus every time we go to the theater, we always seem to catch it with the jerk crowd (i.e. people talking audibly through the entire movie or kids throwing popcorn people who politely try to shush the former) which pushes my husband to the point of angrily and insanely trying to defend the lost art of quietly watching a movie, which goes something like George Costanza turning around and yelling and making a scene and me wanting to leave the theater with a bag over my head.
Plus it’s always embarrassing when you’re the only one laughing out loud during The Ring when Naomi Watts’ nose starts bleeding and the lady is like, “You’ve got some… uh… (brushes at nose)… “