The world we live in is an endless nightmare, spotted with brief glimpses of hope serving only to deepen our understanding of the despair that surrounds them. For example, I just killed a mosquito and it exploded with what I can only assume was my own blood, which I then HAD TO CLEAN UP. You know? Like, are you serious? This is the world we live in? THIS? I’m not sure anyone has ever experienced anything in their own lives that was nearly as awful as what I just described, but I’m sure we all have our own challenges. We all have our own moments when we’re in a mall, sitting on a fountain next to a stranger, wanting to scream. But we can’t! We can’t scream the way we all want to, the totally normal way that everyone wants to so often when they are in public that it’s almost incredible that it isn’t just allowed already, because no one has invented a pillow to wear on our chests yet. OR HAVE THEY?

Thank you, Kelly. That’ll do. (Via Neatorama.)

Comments (26)
  1. Don’t be so modest, Kelly “Dobson.” I know that you and Gabe filmed this at a mall together in 1995.

  2. The following is a list of places where it is unacceptable to scream but it is acceptable to wear a ScreamBody:

  3. Why isn’t there a 1-800 number?

  4. i imagine this product is a lot like “flesh lights” in that there is a small sector of the population that has one, but those that do use them ALL OF THE TIME.

  5. :55 to 1:03 forever.

  6. Or you could just do this…

  7. I’ll take two for my rape kit please.

  8. “Now you’re just screambody that I used to own.”

  9. Another use for the ScreamBody? Padding for your Mrs. Doubtfire costume this Halloween.

  10. Oh god. I’m worried about Kelly Dobson. She has so much rage built up. I hope she’s alright now.

    That said, if I had been passing by, and I saw her make the face she makes at :45 and then bend down mouth-first into her fuzzy contraption, I’d think it was more of a BarfBody. Gross.

  11. The act of using the ScreamBody looks like someone throwing up into a scrotum-shaped receptacle strapped on like body armor.

    • And then carrying the presumably vomit-filled sac around as they wander the mall.

      “Excuse me, miss, I saw what you did by the fountain and you can’t bring that in to Yankee Candle.”

  12. Guys, she went to MIT and is the Department Head of the Digital Media department of RISD. Basically, she’s my girlfriend.

  13. This contraption would have come in handy for me at 2:01

  14. A gentle squeeze will produce a moan, more or less.

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