Last night, actress Amanda Bynes tweeted her closing arguments to Barack Obama and the entire legal system. Sweet justice! All of this relates back to Amanda Bynes’s arrest in April on D.U.I. charges after she side-swiped a cop car while making a right turn and then refused to take a breathalyzer, although in her defense (I mean in her other defense, besides this great tweet to Obama) sideswiping a cop car is the most drunkie mcdrunkdrunk thing you can do, so a breathalyzer would have just been “cruel and unusual punishment” (cc @ronaldmcdonald). Of course, it didn’t stop there. Why would it? THIS IS AMERICA! A week later, Amanda Bynes drove over a curb while SEXTing. Mr. President, TEAR DOWN THESE CURBS! She’s obvs innocent. Would a drunk person TWEET THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ABOUT HER D.U.I.? Come on. Use your noodle. And in case you were wondering whether or not she hit and runs, she doesn’t hit and run. Did you even read the Tweet, David Axelrod? The end. (Via PopCultureBrain.)

Comments (36)
  1. Looks like it’s time for someone to retire from Twitter, too.

  2. “I’ll allow it. Case dismissed.”

  3. Lori Beth Denburg is SO disappointed in you, Amanda.

  4. Look – we’ve all tweeted at the president at one time or another in order to get out of legal trouble. It’s as American as a 64 oz. Mountain Dew. But why did she ask him to fire that cop? He’s got to put food on his family, Amanda Bynes.

  5. Wait, we can do this? Hey, Barack, old buddy. I totally don’t create unspeakable horror chimeras in my basement for the sheer thrill of playing god. Also I don’t rob grave for sweet sweet human organs. Please fire this pitchfork-wielding mob. xoxo – LBT

    • Also, I never use facebook connect. Please strike it from existence and salt the earth to prevent future malfeasance. – the real lbt

      • Hey @barackobama, I don’t hunt people for sport on my large and mysterious island. Please fire the family of the guy who went missing shortly after he answere an ad in EMHQ (Eccentric Millionaire Hunter’s Quarterly). I also don’t put ads in magazines. The end.

      • I know I’m late commenting on this, but I find it adorable when you do this, like Zooey’s Siri commercial.

    • Ayo @BarackObama I am not addicted to collecting the arms and legs of real dolls, putting them into a giant empty grain silo, and swimming around in them scrooge mcduck style. the end. #prezconfessions

      • I think it would be more fun if you just used little plastic doll parts. It’ll be less chunky and resistant than the life-size rubberized limbs of Real Dolls and also a lot less expensive. You’ll get a lot more exercise that way and feel less creepy afterwards. Try it and see what you think!

        I was once into amassing heaps of soiled undergarments and jumping into them, yelling “wheee!” Somebody convinced me to substitute clean underwear, and you know what? It’s perfectly fine, and my self-esteem is really on the rebound.

    • I didn’t know Courtney Stodden was involved in this story!

  6. “Blame it (on the alcohol) for real @MrBarackObama (the president) tyty, beehigh”

  7. If it was that easy, I should have been sending notes to Reagan, Bush & Clinton all through grade school!

  8. Is it just me, or is it somehow worse that she sideswiped a cop and ran over a curb while sober? I’d rather be drunk than a dumbass. Being drunk is temporary.

  9. Don’t drink? Firing people? Bad driving decisions? Should have waited to see if Mitt got in the White House first before seeking Presidential support.

    • I am not clicking. I am not convinced you have my best interests at heart, qwsaqwssss

      • But, LBT, back in yesterday’s afternoon links qwsaqwssss said “It has some good things welcome to our website go shopping.” How can you resist? Don’t you need to go shopping? His/her website has good things! I’m always needing new good things.

        • And in this crazy mixed up world, good things is always nice to find! I’m sorry I ever doubted you qwsaqwssss. I do hope you can find it in your generous heart to forgive my offensive trepidation.

  10. Ok, I am officially curious about her now and want to hang out with her and see what happens.

  11. BarackObama: Certainly @AmandaBynes, happy to look into the matter. PS Who are you?

  12. Aaaaaaand that’s how you get on the secret kill list.

  13. When I look at her Twitter account, is says she sent the tweet at 4:30p LA time on June 5. The reason I mention this is that if she sent it after midnight (like the above screen grab says), she was likely drunk when she wrote that tweet. But if she sent it at 4:30p, she was either sober and crazy, or drunk in the middle of the afternoon.

  14. Who’s Amanda Bynes, anyway?

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