Whoa! Hahhahah. “Whoa!” Well? That was pretty great, right? This is a good show, guys. I feel like SOMEONE has to be the first one to say it. The whole season kind of felt like a middle-ground season to get us to the next season, which I am sure will be more full of exciting surprises, but the trudging middle-ground on this show is still better than the climactic events on pretty much every other show. So, #TyrionFaceSlash has been reduced to some kind of common-born prisoner even though he saved the whole city. Lame. But at least he’s got his indeterminately-foreign prostitute. (They kind of don’t explain what’s going on with Tyrion enough, right? Explain thyself, show!) Speaking of prostitutes, Joffrey had red sex lights installed behind the throne. Very hot stuff. A horse pooped. Sansa is no longer going to marry Joffrey, which may or may not be good news, because Joffrey doesn’t get rid of his toys so easily. Richard Pryor knows what Littlefinger’s talking about! Brienne and Jaime are on the road and there’s bad guys on the road but it’s not too big of a deal as long as you stab them in the penis with your sword. Robb married that Nurse Jackie, which might be SPOILER ALERT problematic later, but congratulations to the two lovers, who are registered at Cask and Barrel (nice). What else? Oh, Arya gets a Chuck E Cheese token but instead of for Skeeball it is for Deathball. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? Oh, there are my dragons. Daenerys goes on some spiritwalk through Lost tower and is taken prisoner for, like, zero seconds before she’s just like, ahh fuck it, FIRETIME! Then she locks Mr. Ducksauce in his vault. Goodbye, Mr. Ducksauce! Barbara Streisand. And finally, of course, The Walking Dead. To be honest, that was my least favorite part of the whole finale was the “exciting” Dune-Eyed Winter Zombie Apocalypse Cliffhanger. But that’s OK. It was still great, I don’t care what anybody says.

Comments (148)
  1. RIP Warlock Dean Pelton

  2. I was actually laughing at the White Walkers. They were just so silly looking, not at all creepy like they were in the first episode.

  3. I’m just so happy that the dragons seem to be in good working order. I was worried they might turn out like Lane’s Jaguar.

    • On a more serious note (what could be more serious than Lane’s predicament? nothing, but anyway), her dragons don’t seem to have gotten any bigger since last season’s finale. More than a few weeks must have passed since then, right? They should have gotten a little bigger. Cat-sized, maybe?

      • I’m not sure if they’ve mentioned this in the show yet, but dragons are kind of like goldfish in that they grow as big as their surroundings allow. So they haven’t grown much because she’s kept them in their little wicker boxes 90% of the time, but once she starts letting them out more they will start to grow. Also, she had a hard time getting them to eat because she didn’t know what to feed them for half the season (I think they did mention this, or at least showed them not eating and her being upset by it).

  4. I’m very curious about where this whole Ros storyline is going. When they subbed her for Shae I was like “Oh, okay so that’s why they brought this character out” but now I honestly have no idea.

  5. Jaquen’s facechange trick blew my mind. Didn’t see that coming.

    • I SUPPOSE that’s why he REFERS to himself in the third person. I WONDER if we’ve been seeing his “real” face OR PERHAPS another one? Maybe he CHANGED INTO his real FACE? Hope not, because that ACTOR IS FUCKIN great. Guess it gives them A NICE LOOPHOLE for him being clearly PLAYED BY someone else last season.

    • So as a jumping off point for Show vs. Book, I’m really glad that they actually put this part into the show, the face-changing. Because that was kind of a cool part of the book, and I thought they’d totally skip over it. Pretty awesome that the “faceless men” are actually kind of faceless, or at least “one-faceless”.

      Point number two: Temple of the undying was like a trillion times better in the book, but that would have been pretty tough to pull off.

  6. I liked how the Iron Throne was covered in snow when she was there because every once in a while I straight up yell at the screen “Y’all are going to be so fucked when winter comes” when watching all this fighting.

    Of course with the rate of the killing that’s going on, they’re only going to need food for about 5 people, so I guess it’ll all be ok.

  7. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee, Facebook Connect. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.

    • Lots of people are afraid of dragons. it’s cool bro.

    • You don’t want to watch an evil warlock being incinerated by dragons? It’s like I don’t even know you, man.

    • ^^ THIS fuckin guy. CAN YOU believe him? GET OVER yourself, dog, and DANCE A SONG of Ice and FIRE or shut the fuck UP.

    • How DARE you have your own preferences and opinions about stuff?

      Just kidding, it’s okay, man.

    • “the buzz”

    • I’m with you, Mr Finnegan. The fate of elves (and other fantasy so-and-so’s) is low on my list of worries. Even Lord of the Rings — I respected how well done it was, but it was all baloney that, like all fantasy, sticks to the same dumb story: Poor farmboy discovers a magic sword, old wise man appears and tells him he is the chosen one who can kill the evil king, he then journeys across the continent to do so; along the way he meets people who give him advice. Zzzz. Meanwhile the farm boy is pure good and the king is pure evil — the good isn’t even compromised by naivety and the evil hasn’t even got a motive. Fantasy blows.

      That said, a friend subjected me to last week’s Game of Thrones, and it was GOOD. The bad people have a bitter wisdom, the good people are kind of nervous, and spells don’t solve anyone’s problems, so there’s real jeopardy for real-seeming people.

  8. WHERE DOES the Ducksauce nickname for MR RAGS AND Riches come from? I CAME ACROSS that shit some in the AV Club threads.

  9. Oh man oh man oh man, so good. The return of Khal Drogo? Are you kidding? So sad. And Maester Lewin (sp?) and all of it, oh shit. I don’t even know. Is it next year yet? Season three starts next week right?

  10. I cried like a baby at the Shae/Tyrion and Dany/Drogo bits. I missed Khal Drogo so much! I didn’t even realize it! To me, that’s the saddest part about this entire series. They were so happy together :(

    • Khal Drogo! Everything in the House of the Undying was perfect for me, up until the dragons fried the doppeldeaner. I don’t even think the dragons needed to get all flamethrower on him, after that first puff, he was done for. You can conjure 10 copies of yourself to murder your rivals, but if you catch your oversized sleeve on the stove you’re finished? Definitely not anywhere near a dealbreaker, just took me out of the moment a bit. The bit with Ducksauce was perfect though…

      • But that was Dragonfire. Have you even seen what that shit did to Harrenhal?

      • I’m sad they didn’t include the bits with Rhaegar. I wanted to see him! Plus, I always figured “the dragon has three heads” was meant to be important. Every time they cut something from the show that I’m sure is super important and that I have a million crazy theories about I get a little sad because if it’s not in the show it’s probably not some sort of mystic clue to the end of the series.

        • I guess I was just wondering “What of doppledeaner’s magic?”

        • Of course, they could tie in and mention things later. If they seem really important in your estimation, sometimes you’ve gotta just cross your fingers and wait it out.

          • Most of the the important clue things are repeated a million times in the book, so it goes from foreshadowing into outright taunting. The dragon has three heads is important … because she has three dragons, and the things related to that.

    • i miss drogo too… but i like the resolution they gave us with his cameo and i think Dany made him proud by setting her enemies on fire and putting the surviving ones inside a vault to die and then ransacking said enemies home like a real Dothraki. I’m sure he is smiling and loving her from the night lands.

  11. Time for the women to get some shit done!
    -Dany and her dragons? Gonna fuck some shit UP!
    -Brienne? Fucked those dudes UP!
    -Arya? Such a badass!
    -Shae? You’re my lion!
    -Renly’s Widow (can’t remember her name) – when she said “I don’t want to be a queen, I want to be THE queen” I thought, okay good luck with THAT…but BAM, she’s gonna be THE queen! We’ll see where that goes…But I can only assume she’s got some serious tricks up her sleeve!

    • Except for me explaining Baratheons again to everyone, essentially the only words spoken during our viewing last night were “Brienne/Arya/Dany is such a badass.”

    • Renly’s Widow is Anne Boleyn to me because it’s the same actress as in the Tudors. I keep wondering what dastard plan she has hatched with her seductive ways.

    • Yeah, it only took all season but Dany’s storyline finally got good!

      Not being sarcastic, I was genuinely pleased with her storyline.

    • I’m so glad they clarify that Shae actually cares about Tyrion, it’s so sad but I’m so glad. #dinkladgetears.

  12. Next season on Game of Thrones- more set-up!

    (I mean obviously it’s pretty great but does nobody feel an underlying frustration that this is never going to get anywhere at a satisfying pace or do we all feel that trust? We do? Wow do I feel silly.)

  13. two things, and their both complaints SORRY but it goes without saying that the show is great and so complaints are really the only thing worth mentioning maybe but not really?

    -the house of the undying was super lame! far better in the books.
    -I’m really glad the relationship between Jaquen and Arya is over for now, as I felt it was kinda becoming a tiresome parody of itself? LIke, we get it! He talks in this really roundabout way, asking questions that sound like they’re rhetorical when they’re really not and is always there when you need him but you are never really sure how he got there in the first place and how did he do that oh i know how because he’s JAQUEN that’s how. We get it!

    Also, Bran is just the best, both as an actor and as a character. So much compassion! So much wisdom! So few operating limbs!

    • they’re* both complaints SHIT

    • I agree with your first point but disagree with your second. I guess they didn’t have enough time to devote to the House of the Undying or something, since they only had an hour or whatever and so many other loose ends to wrap up? But yeah, that scene was much more amazing in the books. Although I did love seeing the tiny dragons do Daenerys’ bidding.
      About Jaquen though–I love the relationships between Arya and each of her “mentors”–first Jon, then Sylvio, then Jaquen. Her character is so fierce, while at the same time vulnerable, and I just love all her “learning” moments!
      Also agree about Bran–he is such an interesting character in the books. I think last night’s scene with Maester Luwin under the tree was a nice touch also–it was very dusty in my living room at that moment!

  14. Was anyone else disappointed by the House of the Undying scene? Like, it was cool that we got to see Khal Drogo again and yay for Dany burning Evil Dean alive with her dragons, but I was kind of expecting more? Because of all that half season’s worth of buildup?

    Also, pardon me for getting all “BUT THAT ISN’T HOW IT WAS IN THE BOOOOOK!!” but 1) Why didn’t Arya kill anyone? All I wanted was for little Arya to kill a bunch of guys in a really gruesome fashion, preferably with boiling soup. It’s so important for her development as a (spoiler!) master assassin that she kills people and doesn’t let Jaquen do all the work for her! Yeesh. 2) I don’t understand why Robb married not-Jeyne. No one knows who she is! It doesn’t matter if Robb has a rendezvous with some lady on the side! I know he has an ~ironclad honor~ but he didn’t need to MARRY her just because he loves her. You can’t just MARRY everyone you love, Robb! Such is life.

  15. WHERE IS CARL?!?!?!?

  16. I mean what the fuck happened at winterfell? (that was rhetorical – ton’t tell me, bookreaders)
    Like it was surrounded by 500 men of the north and then fast forward everything is burnt and fucked up, no one’s there and the stark boys have to escape to the wall. Huh?
    If that was supposed to be a cliffhanger, it wasn’t. It was just confusing.

    • Here’s stuff you can piece together from the show:
      1) None of the Ironmen like Theon because they think he treated the Starks too much like family and got too comfy on land.
      2) Roose Bolton (older dude talking to Robb in the “previously on”s) gave his bastard son, Ramsay, marching orders. The Boltons are Northmen.
      3) Robb told Roose to tell Ramsay that any Ironmen who surrendered could go home unharmed EXCEPT Theon, who, one assumes, will get his ass handed to him.
      4) All of the Northmen think Bran and Rickon are dead.
      5) ???
      5) Winterfell is burned down, potentially to frame Theon.

    • Yeah, I chatted with my friend about that. The horn-blowing dudes I figured as the group of Rob’s guys led by that one dude’s bastard son, and Theon’s dudes knocked him out to hand him over so they could go home, I thought.

      Bran and Co. emerge and there are no signs of either side and Winterfell is burned to shit. If ti wasn’t the bastard’s part, well then what the what(?!) but also what the what!! Did the men of Pyke light Winterfell on fire and then hand over Theon? That doesn’t seem right or smart. The bastard and his dudes would be all like, “Uh, do we still let them go if they give us Theon but then light Winterfell on fire?” Plus, the soldiers would presumably help put the fire out and save Winterfell from burning.

      The other alternative is that the bastard party are dicks, which makes the most of very little sense to be made to me. No soldiers are there afterwards. They’ve all bounced. Theon’s dudes presumably handed him over and went home. Then what happened to the bastard’s party? They bounced and someone else lit the place on fire? Maybe. But yeesh, that’s a stretch. I want to say that fucking bastard and his party did it for some reason.

      • The bastard and friends did it fits. Basically, as has been shown by both Theon taking and losing Winterfell … it’s not exactly easy to keep control of a massive castle with a small force. So, Bastard goes back to his smaller castle which he can easily keep staffed and defended. And, if you are going to leave Winterfell abandoned, you should take everything of value and burn the rest, so other people can’t take it over, etc.

      • Woof. Reading my comment, I clearly did not have my typing wits about me this morning.

  17. I don’t know, the Warlock didn’t even strip off Daenerys’ clothes once he chained her up, in fact she hasn’t been naked all season. IE, I think the writers are slipping.

    • It should interest you to know that in the books, the traditional ladies garb of Qarth left one breast exposed. Guess Emilia Clarke’s agent worked in a better nudity clause this season.

  18. So did the snow zombies just leave the fat kid alone? That one super wrinkly one definitely made eye contact with him and then just… yelled weirdly?

  19. At least they let Daxos keep the honey.

  20. Not enough Bronn.

  21. I’m late to the party, but a few quick thoughts (disclaimer: I do read the books, so I have no hangups over what is or is not included):
    - I liked the scenes in the Tower of the Undying (essentially a trial to see if Daenerys would forgo her greatest desires to be with her dragons). Also it was great to see the dragons finally get their dragon on and unleash some havoc.
    - Coming this summer: Khal Drogo is…Mr. Mom. Those afterlife sensitivity classes are really paying off.
    - I don’t know exactly where Brienne stuck that sword, but I know enough to know that I’m glad I’m not that last guy.
    - I’ve already pre-ordered my copy of Assassin’s Creed 3: Arya’s Revenge.
    - The pan up to show the massive Wildling city was awesome. Between that and the final scene (even though it was basically Walking Dead: Antarctica), I cannot wait for Season 3. I might have to break down and read these books.

    • We’re late together!! Woo!

      Aw, yeah, it’s interesting how Dany’s dream Drogo was probably a smidge more sensitive than he would’ve been in real life. Like, I imagine him holding that baby for about 5 seconds before handing him off to someone to go have sex/chop someone’s head off.

  22. VALAR MOGHULIS, Y’ALL. That was soooo goood! Yay!

    1. I love Podrick Payne SO MUCH.
    2. Tyrion broke my heart.
    3. Robb Stark, what are you doing?
    4. Brienne, you are amazing.
    5. Seeing Khal Drogo and Dany’s baby was so sad! Gosh! Waaaah.
    5. Margaery Tyrell, do you EVER cover your cleavage? GRRL.

    Okay now, BOOK READERS! Non-book readers beware, here be possible SPOILERS:
    What are your thoughts on the way they handled the Jon/Qhorin situation? I’m a little concerned to be honest. If you take out *a certain conversation* Jon’s motivations are SOOO different.

    Also, what up with Sam and the White Walkers? That seemed odd. I mean, I know it’s nice for us to see the Walkers (ugh, Walking Dead,G TFO of my brain) through the eyes of one of our characters, but ummmm…. I like the way it was handled in the books much better. *pushes up glasses*

    Thoughts on Ros as a spy for Varys?

    • Yeah I think Jon’s motivations in the show were the same but not as clear as in the book. Didn’t Halfhand whisper something to him last week before he started yelling at him? And then right before he died he did his li’l nights watch quote so I feel like Jon ~gets it~. I don’t know why they chose to make it MORE confusing though, in the book it was super clear and usually the show makes things clearer than they are in the books. Seems SILLY. Also I was ready to see Ghost get some killin’ on, I wish they wouldn’t have changed that but BUDGETARY STUFF I GUESS.

      • Oh, I didn’t catch the whisper, which helps I suppose! But yes, it should’ve been more spelled out in the show, not less! And man, do I ever miss Ghost too. Where is that dang wolf? Maybe he’s going to come back at a dramatic moment next season and rip someone’s throat out. One can only hope!

    • I agree on all fronts and I think it will make things much more difficult for Jon later on…. But in the end I think things will play out the same as in the book. Maybe it will give the **SPOILERS** ending of DWD more motivation?

      I have no idea what the plan is with Ros. I’m very curious how they plan to wedge her in.

      • I think you’re right. It will probably all shake out the same way in the end, but it just makes him *look* worse. And I suppose it will add just that much more fuel to the fire for what happens at the end of DWD.

        The Ros thing is interesting. I was cool with her standing in for Alayaya, and now that she’s working for Varys, I’m wondering if she’ll somehow be involved with some of the stuff that happens with Tyrion?

        What do you think of those looks Marg and Loras gave Sansa? Sheesh. I’m interested to see how that plays out too. Because in the books Margie and her family were nice to Sansa, and Sansa’s information to the Queen of Thorns helped seal the deal for certain *plans.*

        • I think they were just looking to see her reaction. I assume it will follow the book… I am SO EXCITED to see the Queen of Thorns!!! And the first time Pod says “Sir… I mean my lady” I’m going to die with happiness.

    • I actually really liked Robb here, and have the whole season. (Potential spoilers) Though asserting himself and marrying a non-Frey isn’t going to help him in the future *whistles, puts hands in pockets*, there is literally no one else who will tell Catelyn what she needs to hear anymore, and be remotely honest about it.

      • Oh, I unabashedly love Robb for the very reasons you stated. Which is why I am frustrated with him marrying not-Jeyne and well…*whistles same tune as you, stares at the ceiling*

      • I yelled NO, ROBB, NO when they showed his secret wedding. Even though Catelyn is the worst when it comes to making decisions, she’s right about this one.

        • This is another example of them making Robb and, to that end, Robb’s dynamic with any other character substantially more interesting than it is in the books. Before we didn’t find out anything about Robb’s courtship of Jeyne and Catelyn wasn’t really around to see it or try to intervene. Now, there’s a more compelling narrative–although (uh, spoilers?) I’m not sure anyone who doesn’t know about the Red Wedding finds this stuff as portentous as we do. As I think I’ve mentioned here, I watch the show with a non-reader, and he doesn’t seem to have any real concerns about Robb’s livelihood.

  23. Why is no one talking about the baby wig????

  24. Man, Theon’s speech was so good. I personally felt it rivaled/outdid Tyrion’s. Kind of sucks that the only thing it inspired his men to do was knock him out.

    • Welp, as I’ve mentioned everywhere on the Internet, Theon’s my fave, so I couldn’t giggle over his getting knocked out. I really did like that speech, and it felt more sincere than just about anything he’s said since the pilot.

    • Yeah, but whereas Tyrion was like, “Save your own homes and families and lives! Who cares about glory because you aren’t going to get it anyway!”, Theon was all, “Statues for everyone! Songs about us until the end of time! I’m a teenager and I want to be famous!” Theon is an asshat.

  25. Anyone else pick up on the LOSTiness of the opening? Dramatic eyeballs for every show!

  26. I know I’m late here but…can anyone explain how Stannis ended up back at his castle? I thought last week had a shot of him being held at knife-point by a bunch of Lannister soldiers in King’s Landing?

  27. i know this is obvious but i like how season 1 ended with fire (the dragons) and season 2 ended with ice (the white walkers). i hope the show ends with some epic battle between Dany (returning to the seven kingdoms) with her dragons (preferably riding a dragon into combat) against the white walker army. i hope that the destroyed throne room filled with snow that we saw is a subtle glimpse of this coming. I don’t know, i totally just geeked out right now.

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