The thing about working at a blog for long enough is that you can start to talk about how you don’t understand why a certain basic cable Awards program continues to exist long after it had any meaning or relevance or audience (if it ever had those things to begin with) only to realize you’d been beating that same old drum for years now. We get it, Gabe! You don’t like the MTV Movie Awards! Sure, but the question is: who does? And don’t say teenage girls because I’m not buying it! (It probably is teenage girls, though. I mean, NO SPOILERS, but let’s just say that the Twilight movies, the Harry Potter movies, and the Hunger Games movies were all elevated to HIGH ART this year and finally given the RECOGNITION they DESERVE.) I will still never forgive the MTV Movie Awards for a couple of years ago when the movie Salt was nominated for a Best Angelina Jolie Chase Scene Award or whatever the stupid fucking non-category category was, but SALT HADN’T EVEN COME OUT YET. This year Jennifer Aniston won an award for Best On-Screen Dirt Bag? What is this? Can we kill this? Someone put this out of its misery. Last night I turned on the MTV Movie Awards red carpet show and they breathlessly announced that we were about to get an exclusive sneak peek at some never-before-seen from the upcoming Katy Perry 3D concert movie. No thank you! Later, because my DVR was messing up during Mad Men, I switched back only to see Josh Hutcherson in a pork pie hat accepting his award for Best Fight. He would also win for Best Actor. Right. No, totally. What a great actor. Simply tha best. LMFAO won the award for Best Music. Do you see what I’m getting at? We don’t need this. Life is hard enough.

A Full list of winners at the 2012 MTV Movie Awards after the jump:

Movie of the Year
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Best Male Performance
Josh Hutcherson, The Hunger Games

Best Female Performance
Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games

Best Comedic Performance
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids

Breakthrough Performance
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Best Cast
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Best On-Screen Transformation
Elizabeth Banks, The Hunger Games

Best Fight
Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson vs. Alexander Ludwig, The Hunger Games

Best Kiss
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Best Gut-Wrenching Performance
Bridesmaids (Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi

Best On-Screen Dirtbag
Jennifer Aniston, Horrible Bosses

Best Music
“Party Rock Anthem,” LMFAO (21 Jump Street)

Congratulations to all of the nominees at the 2012 MTV Movie Awards. And congratulations to Encino Man for picking up the Lifetime Achievement Award for Best Movie. And congratulations to the viewers. And Russell Brand, and let’s give it up one more time to Josh Hutcherson and the guys at Diet Red Bull and Dorito’s and XBOX 360. See you on the flippity flop!

Comments (41)
  1. stop being such a lamestain, gabe!

  2. INSTEAD of watching this SHIT, I WAS an adult and watched GAME OF THRONES and holy fuck, how AM I GOING to wait a year?

  3. Hey, those Hunger Games kids have depth man! No but seriously, I like Emma Stone a lot but does society just love her so much they had to create a whole award for her to make themselves seem cool or something? She’s a trailblazer! She’s like 22, and she’s starring in Spiderman and Ryan Gosling movies. I think she’s just a plain old Trailwalker type. Very good and goofy at trailwalking, very good at being on SNL and stuff, but not necessarily in the trailblazing camp though.

  4. Man, it’s a lot easier to when in a year in which apparently only three or four movies were released. On the plus side, MTV could probably save a lot of money on productions costs if they just co-produced with Nickelodeon.

  5. Gabe, haven’t you heard? Party rock is in the house tonight. Everybody just have a good time.

  6. Beat that drum, Gabe. Beat that drum.

  7. “And the award for best off-screen dirtbag goes to Matthew Fox.” – Dominic Monaghan

  8. Some of us, could be anyone, who knows, maybe it’s YOU, are turning 30 this week. And really there is no better evidence of how out of touch one is with popular youth culture like the existence of the MTV movie awards. So thanks, MTV, for making some of us feel like sentient bags of ancient bone dust, propped up in the corner, patiently awaiting the cool sweet release of oblivion.

    • And then there are those of us, again, just speaking in generalities here, who got really excited about one of the things honored at last night’s ceremony, despite being 32 years old, and maybe all her friends tell her that means she has to go to jail, but she’s too pretty for jail, and plus he’s legal anyway, and so they should just SHUT UP because they DON’T UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE. Their love, I mean. Hypothetically.

      • I just want to point out that other people, possibly slightly older than either of you, may have been looking at rocking chairs last night online around this time… mostly on a whim that it would be awesome to own such a chair with the explicit intention to sit on it and drink wine and complain about young people.
        And mayhaps, also around this same EXACT time, this very person checked her Twitter feed and saw that her Twitterganger — a noted idiot — was soooooo excited about the MTV Awards, even if she “couldn’t get into the Hunger Games” and was actively cheering on Twilight and appeared to be actually emotionally invested in these awards… And is super excited for the Katy Perry 3D movie.
        And it may be possible that in a wine-filled moment of what can only be called clarity, a certain person hit “purchase” on the aforementioned rocking chairs (two so she can rock with friends when they visit) because buying said chairs after a few glasses of wine still seemed like a less stupid idea than non-ironically live-tweeting the West Coast feed of a certain awards show.

    • I dunno, whenever I hear about this kind of thing, it makes me glad that I’m not young and dumb enough to think of Project X as a “cult movie”.

  9. I just tweeted something derogatory about the MTV Video Music Awards, unintentionally showing my age while attempting to show my age.

  10. I was on board with the hating until that picture of Joe Manganiello dressed like a sexy firefighter, and then I just got excited about Magic Mike again.

  11. It doesn’t matter what you say, Gabe, LMFAO is not going to apologize for party rocking.

  12. How — in any sense of the term — did Elizabeth Banks transform in the Hunger Games? There was no character development with Effie. None. She was amazing in the role, but there was no transformation. Do they mean best makeup? Best ability to totally become a character we envisioned while reading a book that was later adapted into a movie i.e. acting?

    Actually, I don’t care. Don’t answer this.

  13. So, wait, did Elizabeth Banks actually transform into something in The Hunger Games? I didn’t see it, but since none of the nominees in that category made a goddamn bit of sense in the first place, I’m actually curious.

  14. “Now you’ve made it” Miley Cyrus to Jennifer Lawrence.

  15. You know what? I wanted to hate-watch this show but I found myself clicking back and forth between basketball and the awards to see the hot movie stars looking hot. When Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel following Charlize Theron onto the stage? That was nice! I’ve had a crush on all three of them for my entire adult life (current age – 31). Let the millionairesses have their silly party and let me watch them!

  16. Can’t wait until next year! 2 to 1 odds on “Battleship” winning for Best Wasted Use of Tim Riggins (against John Carter). Also, Best Pop Singer in the Marines will go to Rihanna.

    “Battleship! Battleship!” – Al Pacino, Dog Day Battleship.

  17. When are the VH1 Movie Awards coming on? I hear Judi Dench is a shoe-in for best on-screen transformation in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

  18. Kids loved The Descendants!

  19. at least harry potter and the hunger games have some good messages for young people about being individuals and learning to think critically, i’d rather those things be popular with this mtv generation (which has never even SEEN Puck from the real world san francisco) than just twilight- which is terrible and teaches girls all that matters is having a boyfriend and doing your hair and writhing around in pain because sex is WRONG if youre not married so GET MARRIED AT 18 and get pregnant because it’s NOBLE.

  20. Best Love Triangle?

  21. “Vanilla Ice needs to iron his fucking shirt before he leaves the house.” – my mom if I were Vanilla Ice. Which I am…

    • My guess is that you popped into Abercrombie on the way to the theater and just grabbed the shirt right off the shelf and threw it on over your wifebeater before you hit the red carpet.

  22. so many bad movies this year.

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