Bill Clinton was recently a guest on Piers Morgan Tonight, which was, at the time, being guest-hosted by Harvey Weinstein. Neat! PLEASE WAKE UP! I’m sorry about that opening sentence, but I had to write it because while Bill Clinton was a guest on Harvey Wenstein One Night A Few Days Ago, they discussed whom Bill Clinton would like cast in his imaginary biopic because duh what else are you going to talk about, and, first of all, Bill Clinton couldn’t even come up with anyone to say so Harvey Weinstein had to answer the question for him, and then Harvey Weinstein couldn’t even come up with anyone good. Television! From the Huffington Post:

When Clinton couldn’t come up with a suitable candidate for himself, Weinstein suggested a few of Hollywood’s elite. In the end it came down to that age-old question: Brad Pitt or George Clooney?

Pitt was just “too good looking” for Clinton. However, the former president was quite taken with the idea of George Clooney, after praising the actor — and staunch supporter of the Democratic party — for his role in “The Descendants.” “He was so good in it, so real,” said Clinton.

As for the naysayers who think Clooney is too good looking to play the former president, Clinton humorously replied, “You could put bulbous things on his nose.”

As for who would play his wife, and current Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, there was only one leading lady suitable for the job. “Meryl Streep,” replied Clinton, despite the fact that Streep is 11 years older than Clooney.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Terrible answers. Brad Pitt or George Clooney? R U kidding me, Harvey Weinstein and Bill Clinton? USE YOUR BIG DUMB BRAINS. Meryl Streep isn’t a terrible answer, except it kind of is because Hillary was not a 70-year-old when Bill Clinton was in the White House. Ugh. These guys. We can do better than these guys! Let’s do better than these guys. Here are my choices:

Bill: Ryan Gosling
Hillary: Brit Marling

Bill: The cartoon version of Bill Clinton, as if he’d been a character on Clone High.
Hillary: Mom from Home Movies in a wig.

Bill: Mark Duplass
Hillary: Greta Gerwig

Bill: Josh Hutcherson
Hillary: Chloë Moretz

Bill: David Wain
Hillary: Amy Poehler

Bill: H. Jon Benjamin
Hillary: John Roberts

Bill: Britt Daniel
Hillary: St. Vincent

Bill: David Bowie
Hillary: Charlize Theron

Bill: Gabe Delahaye
Hillary: Jennifer Lopez

Bill: Alec Baldwin
Hillary: Martin Short dressed like a woman

Bill: Rik Mayall
Hillary: Phoebe Cates

Bill: George Clooney
Hillary: Meryl Streep

It is more difficult than I thought it would be, to be honest.

Comments (35)
  1. Bill Clinton: Ashton Kutcher carrying around a saxophone
    Hillary Clinton: Ashton Kutcher with blonde wig

    • Or obviously, Andy Serkis as both.

      • Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher carrying around a saxophone and Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher with a blonde wig. Or Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher carrying around a saxophone etc, or Rich Little as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher carrying around a saxophone etc, or (the best one) Andy Serkis as Rich Little as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher carrying around a saxophone and Andy Serkis as Rich Little as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher with a blonde wig.

        OR Jonathan Winters as Andy Serkis as Rich Little as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher etc, or Andy Serkis as Jonathan Winters as Andy Serkis as Rich Little as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher etc, or Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Jonathan Winters as Andy Serkis as Rich Little as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Ashton Kutcher etc, or Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis as Andy Serkis…

        (imagine those last few words getting smaller and smaller as if they’re little Andy Serkises receding into infinity)

  2. Bill: Ryan Reynolds
    Hillary: Blake Lively

  3. Bill: Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman
    Hilary: Hilary Swank
    Chelsea: Chelsea Handler
    Monica: Courtney Cox as Monica from Friends

    • If the first one is a question, the answer is always Paxton.

      • I think Pullman is the lone star between them.

        • Game over, man. Game over.

        • If I can get serious for just one moment here about the Bills, I just want to say that it’s entirely possible my philosophy is wrong, R2. I always make the distinction based on the fact that Paxton just has the more prolific (and enjoyable career) and is in many an opinion (mine included) the superior thespian.

          But! I never fail to forget Spaceballs. It is easy my most quoted movie (well, at the least my most quoted Mel Brooks movie) and I never give Pullman credit for that. I may recant soon. I’m still undecided, but this is going to weigh heavy on my mind for the next little bit.

  4. David Morse for Bill Clinton

  5. Bill Clinton should be played by Jay Leno judging by how he looks in that picture.

    I’ve said this before (I say it every day, obviously), but:

    Hilary Clinton should be played by Linda Cardellini.
    Newt Gingrich should be played by Philip Seymour Hoffman.

  6. Let’s just have Tim Burton direct it and the casting will sort of take care of itself.

  7. This is kind of a shot in the dark, but maybe John Travolta could play Bill, and Emma Thompson could be Hillary?

  8. Bill Clinton: Steve Guttenberg
    Hilary Clinton: It was pointed out to my that saoirse ronan looks freakishly like a de-aged hilary

    If neither are available, then:

    Bill Clinton: Helen Mirren
    Hilary Clinton: Meryl Streep
    Socks the Cat: James McAvoy (I had to fit him in somewhere, and he’d be a terrible Gore)(Obviously Tilda Swinton will be Gore)(And Tipper)(and David Bowie)(David Bowie will play Tilda Swinton)

  9. Bill Clinton: Tyler Perry
    Hilary Clinton: Tyler Perry

    In Tyler Perry’s, The “White” House (get it?)

  10. As our “first black president,” I think we have only one casting choice:

  11. damn it!

  12. I like the idea of a Clinton biopic but it needs something extra. Maybe he finds out Lewinski is an alien here to conquer Earth, but no one will believe him and it turns out the CIA is in on it. In this reboot of the Clinton presidency, he has to discredit Lewinski in the only way available, by pretending to be seduced by her so that he can lay a trap with his secret friend, Linda Tripp. But Tripp is illuminati and has her own agenda — which Clinton discovers and then, wearing colored contact lenses so he remains undercover in public, he pursues her in a Ducati chase down I-95 at rush hour as an alien-saucer-generated tornado closes in…

    Well that’s our Act I, anyway. We need to let this stew in development for a while. I’m seeing Shia LaBeoef as Clinton, or maybe a young Gene Hackman if possible. Jennifer Connelly as supportive Hillary.

    • No. I’m halting this production. Not realistic enough.

      The 95? No way.

      • Good instinct! Let’s change it to the Beltway. From there he gets on Route 66. And when he captures the Moon Magnet from Tripp, it leads him straight down 66 to… Area 51! (Okay, back up — opening scene: January 20, 1993, Clinton finishes the oath of office, then walks back through the cheering crowd to his first moment in the Oval Office. He sits down, all alone, takes a deep breath — then buzzes his secretary. “Monica? Get me the Air Force. I want to know everything about Area 51.” When the generals refuse to take his call… we know something’s up). Oh yes, and also, excellent instinct on your part, I agree completely: We make Monica his secretary, she gets killed in Act I, that’s what puts him onto Tripp, instead of Monica being an alien — turns out the alien is the presidential dog, Twosocks. (Think The Thing.) Yeah? Yeah? I BELIEVE IN THIS PROJECT. WE ARE TALKING AN OSCAR. IT HAS EPIC SWEEP and it can be done cheap to make up for all our losses on John Carter. The tweens will love this, adults will love it, and if we make Jesus a character, we’ll get the Tribulation crowd onboard too. DON’T CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR OWN CAREER, BADIDEA.

        • Notes:

          I’d like a race THROUGH rush hour D.C. traffic that leads UP to the beltway. Get some local restaurants in there and a few high-paying chains. Thinking a White House to Georgetown up through Bethesda route. Georgetown wants in on this and they’re willing to pay big. Put a few strapping crew types in sweatshirts on M street rushing to save old ladies from the chase. Maybe Wisconsin, we’ll have the scouting director work it out logistically then recreate it in Burbank.

          Not buying Tripp not as the alien. Just not buying it. Sure it’s an easy joke but people are here for one thing and one thing only… chase sequences and the cigar scene.

          Eva Mendes as Lewinski… or an Eva Mendes type.

          Leave the dog alone. Buddy went through enough.

          B story:
          Chelsea will be played by Jennifer Lawrence. We’ll slap a wig on her and some glasses. Kids love that Hunger Games crap. Half of the movie will be her touring colleges and learning how to be hot by well-meaning Ivy League hosts that look like Gossip Girls. We’ll put her post-transformation on every popcorn bag for 3 months before the premiere.


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  14. Bill= the actress who plays Coach Beiste on Glee

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