I know we like to have fun here, and that we all agree that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously, and that it’s almost Friday and no one wants to focus on anything too heavy when you’re pretty much enjoying your weekend already, but I do have something kind of important that I want to talk to you guys about. Remember 200 years ago when Jerry Falwell said something about how the Teletubbies are gay role models for children, IF YOU CAN EVEN BELIEVE IT, because one of them was purple and carried a purse or whatever? And remember how to this day everyone on Earth thinks to themselves, “I’m pretty sure those Teletubbies were gay, but there is still a bit of doubt, I wish someone would set the record straight — no pun intended — once and for all”? WELL. From Birmingham Mail:

Solihull’s very own Teletubby has broken her [Ed Note: legendary] silence to insist: Laa-Laa, Tinky Winky, Dipsy and Po weren’t gay.

Nikky Smedley, who played yellow-suited Laa-Laa, spoke out to rubbish claims smash hit children’s show Teletubbies was laced wih gay innuendo.

She told The Birmingham Mail: “I think it’s embarrassing for the people who said it. What kind of person can take the obvious innocence and turn it into something else? We were hardly sexual beings.”

BOOM. BOOOOOOOOOOM. So there you go. CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE THE TRUTH? The Teletubbies were neither gay nor straight says Laa-Laa, in the year 2012, after being prompted by what I can only imagine to have been a homophobic ghost journalist who died in the year 1998. In fact, it seemed a little like Laa-Laa’s explanation was going to veer into the homophobic, but then she kind of saved herself at the end so let’s give her the benefit of the doubt, because GOOD GRIEF with all these nightmares. I hope your world isn’t rocked too much! Call a loved one. Touch base. Take a nap. Remember the homophobic ghost journalist who died so long ago. R.I.P. them. R.I.P all of us.

Comments (12)
  1. Thank God! I couldn’t imagine a heaven without teletubbies.

  2. If Danzig had been cast as Tinky Winky, the Teletubby controversy wouldn’t have gone down like it did.

  3. “We were hardly sexual beings.”

    SO YOU’RE ADMITTING YOU WERE AT LEAST A LITTLE SEXUAL?!!! Christ, Nikky…you broke rule #1 of portraying a children’s show character: Never sexual. Not at all. Not once.

  4. Not that it matters, but the actor who played the sun was gay.
    The sun character wasn’t gay, but that baby? That was a gay baby.
    Deal with it, bigots of the world.

  5. I’m pretty sure those Teletubbies were gay, but there is still a bit of doubt, I wish someone would set the record straight — no pun intended — once and for all.

  6. Still no confirmation on Bert and Ernie, though?

  7. Teletubbies can talk???!?!?

  8. So apparently, this subject actually DID come up again not so long ago, in an official capacity. A Polish politician who served as the Omsbudsman for Children investigated to see if there was any truth to the homosexuality rumors, and if the show was, in fact, suitable for children. Don’t worry, guys, she determined that it was. The children of Poland are safe. They’ll be even MORE safe if she can ever gain any traction with her platform that all homosexuals should be registered with the government.

    P.S. That’s your girlfriend.

  9. …Still waiting for confirmation that they weren’t orgiers.

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