We awoke today to find that the world is still turning. People are dying and people are being born, hearts are being broken, breaths are being breathed, people are eating things that they don’t even like in an effort to “try something new,” and NBC has ordered a brand new totally convoluted and palpably desperate singing show called “The Winner Is,” which is a terrible name. From Huffington Post:
The show’s contestants, who will be comprised of all ages and include both solo acts and groups, will face an in-studio panel led by one celebrity judge while they compete for a cash prize of $1 million. Here’s where the twists come in: the contestants can negotiate a deal with their opponent. Before hearing the results, contestants can choose to either leave the competition in exchange for a predetermined cash prize or stay in the game.
Contestants will also be able to make a deal after each singing duel. In the finale, eight singers will duel and negotiate until two remain. After the final two perform, each will get the chance to walk away with $100,000, or they can choose to put their fate in the hands of the jury and viewers at home for $1 million.
The identities of the celebrity judges have yet to be announced.
READING THAT DESCRIPTION FELT LIKE BEING AT SCHOOL! Or like a game you buy at the store and then you get it home and realize that there is no way you’re going to read, LET ALONE UNDERSTAND, all of the instructions, and then you never look at the game again. “It’s like The Singing Bee meets Who Wants to be a Millionaire meets a math test meets game theory meets a nightmare meets Deal or No Deal.” Here’s a better idea for a game: us thinking of better ideas for a singing game show right now.
- Contestants and blindfolded and placed in a mystery location. They sing songs with locations in the song lyrics, and if the location in the song lyrics is close to their mystery location they are not shocked. But if the location in the song lyrics is not close to their mystery location they ARE shocked, and it goes on until they figure out the exact song they have to sing.
- Contestants sing in each others’ faces and whoever sings the loudest wins a million dollars, but then the other one ALSO can maybe win a million dollars too.
- Contestants are paired with a celebrity and the celebrity doesn’t know this, but each of the contestants is trying to win their celebrity’s heart, and whoever wins their celebrity’s heart wins a million dollars + a record deal. If you win another contestant’s celebrity’s heart you win multiple record deals + you can marry the (NBC-approved) celebrity of your choosing.
- You live in a dorm room with Cee Lo and try to put out an album using only your iPhone.
- Contestants with bad singing voices are told that they have good singing voices while the whole world laughs at them and they have no idea.
Good shows! Someone get TV on the line because we have a lot of good shows for them to hear about!