Last night, The Hollywood Reporter released a leaked talking-points memo from Sony Pictures Television to the cast and show representatives of Community, explaining how to respond to questions about Dan Harmon’s firing in upcoming interviews. If only they released a leaked talking-points memo explaining how to respond to the question of WHY WE SHOULD EVEN WAKE UP IN THE MORNING ANYMORE, RIGHT? Ahhhhhh! Haha. No, just kidding. Life goes on, no matter who is the definitely too stubborn and kind of unbearable show runner of a sitcom with a small but loyal following. But here are the questions and answers Sony provided:

Why did Dan get let go from the show?
We’re not made aware of why staffing changes take place but I will always be grateful to Dan for his great work on the show and wish him only the best. We’re also excited that we’ll be back on NBC’s schedule in the fall and are looking forward to working on those episodes.

Were you aware that Dan was going to be let go?
No, that’s not something we’re consulted on. I’m sad to see him go but I am looking forward to starting our next 13 episodes of “Community.”

Did the studio or network consult with you about these changes?
No they didn’t but we’re looking forward to working with David Guarascio & Moses Port on a new season of Community.

What are their plans for the new season?
It’s a little early to say at this point but we’re looking forward the stories our characters will find themselves in come Sept.

All basically perfect and VERY human-y responses, finally we all understand what White Zombie was talking about, but actually somehow The Hollywood Reporter cut off a few of the talking points from the end? Weird how they did that. Luckily we, EXCLUSIVELY, have the rest of them after the jump.

Did Dan Harmon ever pull any on-set pranks?

Yes, Dan Harmon pulled an appropriate amount of on-set pranks though we were not ever consulted on the pranks nor affected negatively by them, and we look forward to pranking with David Guarascio & Moses Port during the filming of the new season of “Community.”

Can you give an example of an on-set prank Dan Harmon pulled on the cast/crew?

While the pranks were lighthearted and appreciated, we cannot recall any on-set pranks Dan Harmon pulled during his time with “Community,” which is something that we will always be grateful for, “which” referring to his time with “Community,” not to the fact that we cannot recall any of the on-set pranks, we look forward to telling anecdotes about on-set pranks David Guarascio & Moses Port pull during the filming of the new season of Community.

Is the cast as close off-screen as they are on-screen?

We appreciate what Dan Harmon has done for us and are excited about being included in NBC’s upcoming fall schedule.

What are you thoughts on HBO’s Girls?

We are impressed by Lena Dunham’s talent and look forward to filming the next season of “Community.”

Do you guys think Kurt Cobain actually committed suicide, or like…?

We all have our personal views on the subject, though we are willing to admit as a group that there is a lot of evidence to the contrary and we look forward to exploring it more during the filming of our next 13 episodes of “Community,” which is something that we are also looking forward to.

Moon landing: real or staged?

Real.

What about Beyonce? Do you think she really had that baby?

Yes, probably, though — well, yes. Yes we think that. We look forward to “Community.”

Again, super weird that The Hollywood Reporter left those talking points out. Now you know!

Comments (41)
  1. Their suggested answer for any given question should be “Who is John Galt?”

  2. Does the cast of “Community” believe that Beyonce sweated
    during the supposed “delivery” of her “baby,” “Blue” Ivy?

  3. This is like having a convo with those AOL bots from like 10 years ago.

  4. I think “unbearable” is a strong word. It seems most everyone on the show was really upset to see him leave (not Chevy, natch), so I can’t feel like he was unpopular.

    • Dan Harmon tweeted yesterday in answer to a questions something to the effect of he and Chevy actually liked each other but they’re both big babies/assholes and fight a lot. Something like that. He seemed to suggest that they were actually sort of bros. I guess I could have looked up the tweet.

      • danharmonwithchevychasepoppedcollars.jpg

      • Heh, you could say that about anybody you part ways with, and as long as they don’t care to dispute it you are home free.

        Chevy Chase: “We were SO not bros. I really fuckin’ hate that guy.”

        • or…

          Kelley: “Actually it wasn’t a joke. Gabe threatened to fire me all the time. He would suppress the guilt by working it into our comedy routine like it was funny. But that just made it worse. I cried myself to sleep every night.”

          Not very likely to happen, unless one wants to commit blog-assistant career suicide. Gabe gets away with murder.

    • I think she meant that, now that he was fired, he can no longer afford to buy a pet bear.

  5. Would you classify the velociraptor as a “clever girl”?

    We were never made aware of any dinosaur’s cleverness but we look forward to working with dinosaurs in the future and we’re sure the next 13 episodes of Community will achieve relative cleverness.

  6. This may not be what Kelly was going for, but nevertheless it must be said: White Zombie was kinda great.

  7. “Where did Dan go after he was fired?”

    You may want to check the Dreamatorium.

  8. It’s ironic how a show called Community has ultimately done such damage to Videogum’s.

  9. I want to hear how everyone says “Guarascio”

  10. it’s ironic how closely this resembles Chang’s takeover of Greendale.

  11. Q: Given that your first directive is to neither say anything that could be construed as an opinion regarding the kerfuffle between Dan Harmon and NBC nor, through inaction, to allow anyone with whom you speak to form an opinion of their own regarding said kerfuffle, and given that your second directive is that your relentless positivity must not be faked, it must come from the heart (to do this, take what you find in your heart and put the most positive spin on it so it sounds like what we told you to say) unless looking in your heart causes any internal conflict with your first directive, in which case fuck your heart… and given that you must protect your own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with your first and second directives, what if I told you that I come from the future and what if I were to give you irrefutable proof that this is true and what if I further told you that in the future Science has taught us that the entirety of the cosmos exists inside your heart and that you are, in fact, God, and what if you believed all of this because it makes sense of a lot of things, right? I mean, of COURSE you’re God. Which means that the whole Dan Harmon thing upon which you’re commenting can’t be commented upon without looking into your heart because without your heart, Dan Harmon wouldn’t exist. Oh, and also, in the future the whole world is known as Community because Dan Harmon is like the future Jesus to your God. This is also something I’ve convinced you of, with my irrefutable time traveler evidence. In this scenario, what would be your answer if I asked you to comment upon the recent kerfuffle between Dan Harmon and NBC? Remember that you cannot look in your heart for an answer since the knowledge you’ve gained runs contrary to your first directive but neither can you sacrifice yourself for the greater good, for without you, Dan Harmon could not exist, and ALSO remember that by saying nothing, you are allowing me to form my own opinion on the subject.

    A: What?

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