The Comanche Indian tribe has “formally adopted” Jonny Depp as one of their own because OF COURSE THEY HAVE. Seriously, name one other celebrity that would get adopted by a native American tribe where you would just immediately be like, well, if anything I’m surprised he wasn’t ALREADY an honorary member of everything. It already made the front page of The Way We Johnny Depp Lives Now section of the Times. From the Hollywood Reporter:

Last week, Depp was formally adopted by the Comanche Indian tribe, a New Mexico-based group of Indians to which Depp’s Tonto belongs. LaDonna Harris, a Comanche and president of Americans for Indian Opportunity, heard about his film role and invited him to join the tribe.

“I reached out, and Johnny was very receptive to the idea,” she told the website Indian Country. “He seemed proud to receive the invitation, and we were honored that he so enthusiastically agreed.”

Right. This all continues to make total sense. I’m not being sarcastic. This sounds about right. “Hey, Johnny Depp, would you like to be an honorary member of the Comanche Indian tribe?” “Yes.” Can you imagine someone getting that phone call and being like “Ew, no!” Probably. Who? Not Gary Busey. Gary Busey would be very down. Gary Busey would be like “I’ve seen this phone call coming for the past 15 years in my nightly visions.” I bet you Tom Cruise would do it, but he’d talk to his people first, make sure this wouldn’t hurt him in International Markets. “I need to remain popular with racists.” Tom Cruise is very popular with racists. Because he’s popular with everyone! Oh, I know. I’ve got it. “Hey, Tim Allen, would you like to be an honorary member of the Comanche Indian tribe?” “Ew, no.”

Comments (28)
  1. More like Ugh Aficionado ….

  2. Was Daniel Day Lewis ever adopted by an Indian tribe? Because he was pretty damn awesome in Last of the Mohicans.

  3. In a moment of confusion, they also adopted the cast of Outsourced

  4. Gotta be honest, it sounds like Americans for Indian Opportunity are doing a damn fine job, in a “mountain coming to Mohammed” sort of way. If they won’t cast an Indian as Tonto, then we’ll turn the actor playing Tonto into an Indian!

  5. he now goes by the name “Plays With Makeup”

  6. Well, he lived with Hunter S. Thompson for 6 months before doing Fear & Loathing, only for he and HST to discover that what Johnny was using for his nightstand on which he had his ashtray full of cigarette butts was actually a box full black powder. He’s probably been on borrowed time since, entrenched in some sort of never-ending vision quest. It seems to be working out for both Depp AND Stephen Colbert (another celebrity who has a habit of saying yes to most things).

    • Colbert usually has to ask for most of the stuff he gets. That Colbert space treadmill and spider species would not exist if not for Stephen’s mouth. Depp just has it handed to him.

  7. Listen, we all go comanche sometimes, it’s not like it’s a big deal. Also, it’s not like anyone would know unless you told them, that’s part of the fun of going comanche.

  8. Hey, nobody makes fun of Tim Allen on my watch.

  9. I know this is the best place to talk about this so here we go:

    Have you guys heard of the new of white peeps trying to pass for Native American? It used to be that Black people used to try to pass for natives because they would get relatively better treatment back in the day but now white people are doing it, mostly to get cred or something.
    Inside info: My own brother does this, although we’re Mexican, so technically he’s right but really he’s not.

    • I worked with a guy who did that. I called him out on the fact that if he were actually Native American, he would not refer to himself as “red man.”

    • That is way creepy. And preeeeeeeeeetty racist.

    • for real, what is up with white people who do this? are they trying to seem “exotic” or something? It’s very obnoxious. “I’ve got a cool, interesting DNA makeup, all while fully benefiting from white privilege!”

    • Oh, you mean how like every 24 year old hipster white girl is like 1/16 “Cherokee Princess?” So she can like, totally wear that headdress at Coachella, it’s not racist, it’s an homage? That is my favorite thing. I’m so glad we’re all doing that now. Ugh.

    • I think this is a lot easier to do in the States than here in Canada. Here, in order to get a status card, you have to prove that you are at least 1/4 Native. Any less and you are cut off, which is one of the reasons the Metis tribe isn’t officially recognized. I’m 1/4 but have never applied for my card because I don’t look very Native, and although I grew up under the poverty line to a large extent because of the effect of the Residential school legacy on my family I have never been racially discriminated against and it would feel like cheating somehow. I think it’s partly because of this cut-off that this kind of thing is not as prevalent here. I saw an AMA on reddit last week with a Native girl from Canada, and some guy asked something like “I’m 1/128th (whatever tribe), but I’m proud of my heritage and want to claim it. Is that offensive?” and the general consensus was to go for it. That kind of attitude is really surprising to me, and not something I would expect to see North of the Wall.

  10. Meanwhile, C. Thomas Howell is STILL just sitting around waiting for the NAACP to induct him as an honorary black man. Nice job, minorities!

  11. I’ve already made plans to go to his new casino, Comanches of the Carribean: The Curse of the White Man!

  12. All these comments and I’m the only one wondering why there is a bird on his head in that pic?

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