Everyone OK? Everyone keeping up? The past couple episodes have mostly been spoken lists of troop deployments, so I’m just making sure everyone’s up to speed. There’s that dweeb in the north who is such a drip. The guy who cannot seem to get a close enough shave even with Ye Gillette Mach Thrice is sailing across the ocean. Rob Stark is getting it wet with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Jon Snow has been caught by the Man Sized Ewoks. The little girl is punching people’s assassination numbers like she’s running the brisket line at Katz’s Deli. Jaime Lannister has “escaped” to try and bargain for the release of the two Stark girls, but what he should be bargaining for is a shower because the dude is gross. Tyrion and Cersei might need to go to couples therapy but for siblings. Tyrion and Varys (the bald eunuch, #nonerdo) also might need to go to some kind of couples therapy but for suspicious rivalries. Basically everyone should probably be in some kind of therapy. And that just about catches us up! Oh, and those two little boys who got burned up and hung from the rafters weren’t burned up and hung from the rafters at all, but we knew that already, right? I mean that seemed kind of obvious. Also not that good of a reveal! That is your big jaw-dropping episode closing reveal? Snooze. “Two little boys asleep in some hay. DUNH-DUNH-DUNH.” Give me some dragons or something. Cut someone’s head off! (Speaking of dragons, WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS, STILL?) Anyway, there are only two episodes left which means next week should be pretty good because HBO always makes the pre-finale episodes the best episodes. WINTER. IS. HERE.

Comments (101)
  1. I thought this episode was amazing. Arya straight up WALKING OUT of Harrenhal? Tyrion on his knees telling Shae “you are mine”??? Very dusty in my living room! I’m so glad there’s more than just one episode left!

  2. Any other book readers starting to get a bit nervous? There’s still SO MUCH that’s meant to happen! Is it going to be squashed into 2 episodes, or are they going to cut bits out, or are they going to end the series ahead of the book? I feel like 3 episodes could do it, but I’m getting super nerd-nervous about 2!

  3. I like to think of it as a fast-and-hard rule that if you don’t see a character die, they probably aren’t actually dead. I cling to this like a dying man when he kills off my favourite characters off-screen, at least. But in most cases, it’s pretty true.

  4. Judging by that banner pic, Paul Kinsey was everywhere on Sunday.

  5. Arya, man, she’s just so awesome. So smart to say Jaquen’s name! What a bargaining chip. At her age (heck, now) I would’ve just been a big ol’ whiny baby about Jaquen not being able to kill Tywin. But how bummed is everyone that this means the end of the Tywin & Arya Fun Times?

    Robb, Robb, Robb, thinking with your dick.

    Poor Roz, our friendly neighborhood prostitute/recipient of exposition! I thought that whole sequence was pretty amazing. The Cersei/Tyrion scene, Roz, Tyrion rushing back to Shae. It was very interesting to see that side of Tyrion and Dinklage did a great job. But once again, dudes, Cersei’s kinda right, you let that thing between your legs guide your head at your own risk.

    • Uh, doi, it’s called a condom.

    • I totally forgot what Shae looked like between last week’s episode and this week’s, so when Roz showed up I totally didn’t get that she wasn’t Shae because she was a familiar face. So when Tyrion reunited with her later I was like, “OH SHIT. That was Roz. That was Roz. Wow, Tyrion really kept it together and sold it!”

    • Here’s what I didn’t like about this scene. I think the writers painted themselves into a corner by having Roz as pretty much the only prostitute we know. We’re supposed to believe that Cersei thinks Tyrion is really in love with Roz. But we also know that Cersei knows Tyrion hired her out for Joffrey. Are we supposed to believe that Cersei thinks Tyrion would hire out the one prostitute he truly loves? Doesn’t make sense to me. In the books it makes sense because Cersei just going on observation and she can only assume from his frequent visits that Tyrion loves Alayaya. But the Roz thing seems forced. Though More Esme Bianco is always better than less Esme Bianco.

  6. I really enjoyed the reveal? I mean, I’ve read the books so I knew it was coming, but to me it had this very subdued but no less potent “The Stark boys LIVE” appeal to it….I dunno, I liked it. Bran’s face at the end; he’s so young, but has proven himself wise beyond his years, and that look he had as the credits rolled really sent that point home I thought. He’s a righteous young Lord in the making, noble and just, and as long as he survives hope remains! You guys! I liked the ending! Not too much! Not too little! Just right!

    • I agree. I have to admit, I got a little goosebumpy at poor Bran’s face and then the fade to black.

    • Yes, last week I kept saying “but not really, right?” about Bran and Rickon (sp? sorry) and this week I was really excited. It’s just very clear that Bran’s story isn’t done yet! (haven’t read the books)

      • As an extremely forgetful reader and a “pretty good at remembering most things” viewer, I too am pleased with what they’ve already done with Bran. And let’s talk about Isaac Hempstead-Wright for a second. How good are the child actors on this show? So good, right? I can’t think of a single one that hasn’t done at least a little bit of beautiful work. (That extends to Rickon smashing walnuts.)

        • I agree… normally i can’t stand kid actors but GoT totally has some good kids. Arya is amazing, Bran too. But i like how w/ little screen time, Rickon really does come across as this deeply traumatized and almost feral child who Bran has to sort of raise.

  7. This episode thoroughly pissed me off as a book reader. And I promise I’m not one of those “ugh – that was so not like the book” people. I’ve so far enjoyed the changes they’ve made. But WTF!? There are SO MANY IMPORTANT STORYLINES GOING ON and we had a 10 minute POINTLESS conversation between Rob and Jeyne 2.0 all for a sex scene. I mean…c’mon.

    And what’s up with Dany and the Dragons? “WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?” is the new “WAAAAALLT!! WAAAAAALT!” amiright?

    I concur with old man fatima – we are running out of time for A LOT of important things to happen. I’m worried they are going to cut out significant parts. I really hope they don’t. That just means the last 2 eps will be all the more epic.

  8. Hey, guys! I was at a bar in my neighborhood on Friday afternoon (Mission Dolores was the bar, in case any of you were wondering about that part), and the actress who plays Shae was there! She’s pretty.

  9. So, when Paul Kinsey degraded himself, did it involve or result in the loss of his testicles?

  10. Thank you, Richard Carlisle, for finally calling Daenerys out on this Mother of Dragons nonsense. Like, you obviously have a special connection with the dragons, but you know you didn’t actually give birth to them, right?
    Dragons teething on your nipples seems like a bad idea, anyway.

  11. Also – I would have taken away 5 mins of the Robb/Jeyne 2.0 convo and put it to the Jaime/Brienne story. Those parts have the potential to be TV GOLD. (Think “Who is that beast?” gold)

  12. I didn’t know this show could be genuinely heartwarming and, oh I don’t know, romantic? The Tyrion/Shae scene. The Robb Stark/Charlie Chaplin’s granddaughter scene. I thought they were very sweet scenes. And this is still Game of Thrones we’re watching right? It’s so very much the best right? I’m beginning to think it truly is the best show. Maybe ever.

  13. Probably my favorite write-ups on the show this year have been by Andy Greenwald on Grantland:

    http://es.pn/KCVvl4

    Anyway, he mirrored my thoughts this week in pointing out that you can hardly enjoy these warmer moments because the correlation between like-ability and longevity on this show is rarely favorable.

  14. I think my main problem with this week’s episode is that I have no jokes about it.

  15. I’m going to throw an “episode before the finale” watch party since this next episode should be epic. What do I serve? I mean besides decorating the front porch with charred little boy corpses, I’m at a loss. And don’t say fish pie. I don’t like it no matter who’s servin’ it up.

  16. Lamprey pie? Hot Pie? Or, you know, just consult this.

  17. I’m not sure what this says about me, but my main problem with anyone hiding or in captivity is the bathroom issue. So, if they tie you up to a pole in the middle of camp you basically just sit there and piss and shit on yourself? I’d rather be dead.

  18. Also, note to Theon: You should never have listened to Finchy. Now your shoes are on the other side of Winterfell and you’ve got little dead boy corpses stinkin’ up your courtyard.

  19. I loved when Varys correctly pronounced the name of the Maester who wrote the book Tyrion was reading (only to dismiss him as a bad writer); it worked as kind of a meta-joke about the ridiculous names in the series while neatly encapsulating Varys’s character.
    Also, how many times do you think Varys had to send that Kimono back to his tailor with the instructions to make the sleeves bigger? A lot of times, I’m thinking.

    • Nailed it. I was traveling yesterday, so I’m late to the GoT party, but my favorite part of the episode (which had a lot of great parts) was the face Tyrion made to Bronn after hearing the correct enunciation of the Arch Maester’s name.

      (So great that it inspired me to attempt to create my own GIF Let’s hope this works.)

  20. I sure hope we have an exciting finale revolving around the gory beheading of one young King Joffrey. That arrogant asshole wants to get up in Stannis’ face? I hope Stannis rips him from neck to navel. (No spoilers!)

  21. Things that castmembers do or have done when they’re not out Game of Throne-ing: Bronn was a member of an oldies cover band in the UK.

    • Jerome Flynn is a pretty big (but forgotten) celebrity in the UK. He used to be in a show called SOLDIER SOLDIER with his celebrity best friend Robson Green (who now does extreme fishing shows for Discovery Channel) and then went on to become a singing duo. I’m trying to think of an American equivalent… I messed with several UK co-viewers’ minds when I pointed out the nigh-unrecognisable Bronn was Jerome Flynn.

      • Holy shit! It’s one of Robson and Jerome! I had no idea until you said it just there. Wow: he’s way better in Game of Thrones than he was in that shite cover of Unchained Melody :)

  22. Hottest in Westeros

    1) Robb Stark – just c’mon. I geniunely like his love story with Talisa/not Jeyne because it shows them really developing genuine feelings for each other and there is a mutual respect there and my god he is so pretty and I wanna run my fingers through his hair
    2) Talisa’s ass – hey gurl hey
    3) Robb Stark
    4) Robb Stark
    5) Jamie Lannister – the road trip buddy comedy of Jamie and Brienne is perfection
    6) Robb Stark

  23. I will admit i was uber pissed when Cersei tried to get revenge on Tyrion but then it was just Roz and i breathed a sigh of relief. Don’t get me wrong i like Roz but come on… Shae and Tyrion is a sweet thing. but back to Cersei and her stupid bitch face. ugh, she is the worst character, i hate her smuggness and her constant anger towards Tyrion. I mean, hello hoe, he sent your daughter away to keep her safe you daffy bitch! and that just self pleased way she told him she had repaid him… and i will admit i laughed at her when she got the wrong prostitute. Cersei may be a badass but she can really never hope to outwit Tyrion and i hope that one day she gets her comeuppance. But other than that i loved last nights show. Arya was wonderful… robb was hot as always… Dany was amazing, all 5 seconds of seeing her and Jon Snow was cute in his not knowing how to get in good with the wildlings and i totally want him to get it on with Yigrite.

  24. New to the post and wanted to say I love all your comments. They are hilarious and make awful day at work go much faster. Particularly love Gabe’s recaps on Walking Dead. My absolute fav and what got me hooked to this site.

    And as far as GOT goes… which I have a hard time calliing it that since I knew it forever as A Song of Ice and Fire… I think HBO has done an incredible job. I absolutely hate when a book is converted to a movie or television show and they feel the need to hammer through every single part of the plot without deviating one bit, in the right order, etc (god forbid if you miss a character) just to please the people who have read the books ahead of time. I think that the creators of the show managed to give it the feel of the books without making it feel too extraneous (and impressively way more detail and depth than I thought they could shoehorn into so few episodes). I also hope that they section the series up differently than the books. That would definitely be awesome when it comes to 4 and 5… since technically they were supposed to originally be one book.

    Tyrion has always been my favorite character. Maybe like…ever in literature. And I remember reading the books and thinking “that one dude from Elf would be perfect for this if they ever made it into a show.” And I imagined him in the part when I read the books and he GOT the part. Coincidence? Probably…

  25. “Rob Stark is getting it wet with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.” is killing me. I’m going to think of her as that forever now. Also, she’s pretty (obviously, since most everyone, male or female, is on this show).

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