I have to preface this by saying that I know exactly what it’s like to work for the website of a TV network. I have been in those trenches. So before I get to the fact that the 30 Rock Valentine E-Cards are not just horrible in the way all corporate Valentine E-Cards are horrible, but are actually nothing less than an embarrassment to the show, I just want to say that the people or persons to blame are almost certainly highly paid executives who think they understand the internet just because they have iPhones, and not the creative people behind the site, who probably had their funny ideas shot down because TV executives would not be TV executives if they had senses of humor or an ability to take risks.

Okay, now that we’re clear on that, whose fucking Grandma who has never seen a single moment of 30 Rock made these horrifying 30 Rock e-cards?

“These two people look strange together. That’s my angle!”:

“This is a picture of a lady out on the town.”:

“I tried writing a 30 Rock Valentine E-Card, but I gave up, so here’s a waste of pixels instead.”:

Don’t they know that this show is all about CATCHPHRASES? Like, here’s one right now: picture of Tracy Jordan with “I want to take you behind the middle school and get you pregnant. Happy Valentine’s Day!” Or “You make every week feel like Shark Week.” So easy! It could actually be argued that in the history of TV, there has never been a show easier to write Valentine’s Day E-Cards for than 30 Rock. The real problem here, of course, is the fact that every company thinks that the future of the internet is E-Cards. Next year, 30 Rock (and everyone else), either hire Brandon Bird or don’t do it at all. (Thanks for the tip, Darci!)

Comments (15)
  1. Whoa, those are bad. Bad bad bad.

  2. Valentine’s Day without you is like a owl without a graduation cap: heartbreaking.

  3. Lindsay’s use of the f-word startled me for some reason. Does she usually not, or am I trippin’ (and stuck in 90′s?)

    I’m not keeping track in my Videogum Journal or anything (I keep it next to my jar full of hairs), but since it jarred me, I guess she usually doesn’t. I am the President of Being Off-Topic today, sry

  4. Woof. I would have loved a 30 Rock card explaining the Valentine’s Day traditions of the Parcell family.

  5. Al  |   Posted on Feb 13th, 2009 +12

    Happy Valentime’s!

    I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

    Dear ____: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart.

    I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet.

    I love you! But not in a queer way!

    I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.

    I’ve been going crazy the last few days thinking about our night together. How you wanted to brush my hair as foreplay. How you made me that Western omelet at 4 AM. I’ve never met anyone like you, ___.

    She is my lover. That’s right. She’s my liberal, hippy-dippy mama; my groovy chick; my old lady. She was our chief adversary during the Sheinhardt Wig hearings. She wants to tax us all to death and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. But I think what we have is special, and I’m proud of her. And I’m not going to hide it any longer. I’m ______, damn it! And this is my woman.

    I love how you make me feel. It’s like my heart is trying to hug my brain!

    And… I’m spent.

  6. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  7. You give me brainstorms. Sometimes they’re so bad I need to go to the hospital!

    I DO want to go to there.

  8. Wait…actually i think the cards are pretty hilarious. Granted, the whoevers that put the cards together probably had no idea that they would come off as hilarious for absolutely missing the mark and comic tone of the show so perfectly, but that’s how I read them. I think the writing crew of 30 Rock would be proud of this in a way. Its actually much funnier than if they went the way of actually being clever/ironic (ironic, which, ironically, is sort of how i appreciate these (awful) funny (awful funny) cards).

  9. sarah  |   Posted on Feb 13th, 2009 0

    30 rock fans SHOULD hate that shit, but if that were true, 30 rock fan fiction wouldn’t exist

  10. I just want to say, all the cards that have been made up in this thread (and by you, lindsay) have been fantastic. you should all have jobs.

  11. These are intentionally bad y’all. Valentine’s Day E-cards are as stupid as celebrating Valentine’s Day at all. More meta- from the wacky folks at 30 Rock.

  12. laughbox  |   Posted on Feb 14th, 2009 0

    “the people or persons to blame are almost certainly highly paid executives who think they understand the internet just because they have iPhones, and not the creative people behind the site, who probably had their funny ideas shot down”

    YES. i work for a comedy website and my boss does not understand how web hosting works, let alone actual humor.


    They should of hired me. I would have done it for $25 and an awkward 3-minute phone conversation with Jack McBrayer.


    Check it out.

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