DVR ALERT! DVR ALERT! I know it’s early still, but I just wanted to get everyone pumped for the upcoming Hallmark Channel movie starring Dean Cain called OPERATION CUPCAKE. It premieres June 16th at 8PM. Here’s the synopsis:

When Army Colonel Griff Carson (Dean Cain) returns home from Germany on a two-month leave, he considers retiring if he doesn’t get promoted to General. With his kids growing up and his wife busy opening a second bakeshop with a slimy business partner, Griff suddenly feels he no longer fits into his own family. Hoping to give him a sense of duty, Janet assigns him to help run her quaint cupcake shop. At first reluctant, Griff starts to take a military approach to his new job, never expecting it to backfire. Soon the bakery is a war zone, and one final screw-up almost sends the place up in smoke. Frustrated, Janet threatens to cut him out of their lives for good if he can’t adjust to civilian family life. Refusing to give up, Griff is determined to prove to his family he’s ready to be a full-time father, or else face the lonely life of a solitary military man.

For more info, check out the Perfect Website. Oh, right, your comments!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Kristen Stewart Flipping Off Charlize Theron And Chris Hemsworth Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#4 That One | May 11th Score:52

BNPG: #lincolnfacts

600% of all gays who perform anallingus immediately transform into Robocops.

Posted in: That’s Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend
#3 R2D2, Esq. | May 11th Score:53

Needless to say, my girlfriend’s not into butt stuff.

Posted in: That’s Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend
#2 That One | May 11th Score:58

There’s a very apt spatial metaphor concerning gaps in generational attitudes going on here:

Posted in: That’s Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Funny that you should say that, topknot, because did you know that Charlize Theron did not have teeth until SHE WAS 11 YEARS OLD? What a poor baby! What a beautiful woman! But yes, good comment. I'm sure you had no idea about the teeth thing. Also, way to win both top comment AND the caption contest. You really did it! The rest of you really did it too. Great jobs all around. Have a wonderful weekend, I hope the weather is ESPECIALLY nice for the five of you.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 Max Beerbong | May 16th Score:-7
More like a BARFing deFRIGHT just kidding.
Posted in: Mindy Kaling’s Upfronts Diary

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Hahaha. HOW DARE YOU. How dare you not agree that Mindy Kaling's upfronts diary was a charming delight and then immediately say just kidding. Congrats on your lowest rated comment. What a nice group of commenters everyone was this week.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, topknot! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

[Assoc. Ed. Note: You and me both, Ashleigh.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

R2D2, Esq. | 9:33am Score:6

Chowder Island

Posted in: Leonardo DiCaprio Eating Soup

[Ed. Note: The truth is that I actually prefer illbobbytales comment, "Romeo + Soupiet," but R2D2's comment is the one that launched the thread, and so it gets the recognition it deserves. Consider yourself recognized.]

Comments (47)
  1. Good weekends? Good weekends. (Also oof guys this week has been honestly and legitimately terrible and you all helped me keep from hiding under my work desk and throwing markers at passers by. So thanks, because employment is great, ect. Woo!)

    • chicago craft beer week. cubs/sox game. kurt vile. good weekend.

      local tip for all you chicago visitors coming in for NATO protesting: make sure you visit the Rock & Roll McDonald’s. It’s a CAN’T MISS.

      • Also, please don’t burn my house. The South Loop is downtown but it’s still mixed income. And please don’t trash the bars either, they’re my only source of nutrition.

      • But stay north of 31st street if at all possible… not because the South Side is inherently bad but because otherwise my brilliant plan to stay holed up in Hyde Park will be foiled.

        (Although it would all come crashing down anyway if Obama decides to stop by his house for any reason… let’s hope he brought enough toothpaste and sunscreen from the White House.)

      • I will be protesting in my red, white, and blue Rod Blagojevich tee.

      • dear NATO protestors: please don’t protest at any of the beaches. I would really like to be able to go to a beach.

  2. For all the monster turquoise jeep riders not in the know, the short film for Ooh Aah Sound dropped this week. I’m breaking the videogum ban/tyranny on jeep riders:

  3. It’s Friday let’s dance

  4. I’m pretty sure I spelled “anallingus” wrong in that comment but I’ll be a licked asshole if I’m googling that shit.

  5. TGIF…enjoy your favorite friday shows!

  6. Hey, Monsters! Ah, ah, uh, sorry I’m late. Super busy at work this week and I’ve been snowed under. So Will Ferrell was on Saturday Night Live, that was prett funn… (ending music starts) uh, no wait! Monsters’ Ball! Please no, please I have a funny story to tell!

  7. Not sure if I mentioned this previously in an earlier comment note, but I want to lodge a formal complaint here about the Avengers movie. I didnt care for it. I thought the writing was smug, cutesy and patronizing and the CGI jpeg barf felt dreary and claustrophobic. I walked out on it around the point where Samuel L Jackson is shooting a photoshop jpeg of a rocket launcher at a pdf of a jet flying off ostensibly with a snuke up its snizz. This was not a good movie. Thumbs down.

    • I just upvoted you, Steve, because I value your contribution to the discussion of this movie. Also, I have not seen the movie so don’t know if you’re wrong or not.

    • Agreed; still can’t get over ScarJo firing PISTOLS at giant sea turtles

      • This. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but they showed her pointing pistols and giant robot dragons in the trailer and I can’t get past that image. Every time someone tells me how great the movie is I ask them to confirm or deny that she points a pistol and the giant robot things, and when they say “well, yeah.. I guess…” I make a frowny face.

        • Its also rough to try extra really hard to suspend your disbelief when watching 9/11 x a hundred. The avengers is a very bloodless version of 9/11 but still very 9/11. So I dont really feel like suspending my disbelief enough to buy these awful visions but at the same time you kind of have to if you want to get in to it, but then its goof ball comic book CGI stuff so why bother? Its too much of too many wrong things.

        • @Zayin Black Widow is firing at the alien soldiers and providing cover for civilians. She never fires at the giant flying serpent things.

          • (the characters charged with taking out those things are Thor, Hulk & Iron Man)

          • KajusX, I don’t want to challenge your expertise—that would be analagous to bringing a pistol to a giant sea turtle fight—but even if she was firing at the alien soldiers, could her bullets do anything to them, the soldiers who were crushing cars when they fell?

          • In the film she was taking out aliens with head shots and stuff, so the answer is yes.
            (She also wound up doing a lot of hand-to-hand stuff, disarming aliens and using their own weapons against them. She stops with the pistols pretty early in the fight).

            But like I also mentioned, she and Hawkeye spend the first half of the battle on the defensive, mostly providing a lot of cover to usher civilians out of crashed buses and stuff. For the second half of the battle (post-rotating shot of the assembled Avengers that is in the trailer) she mostly isn’t fighting aliens. She uses one to get to the top of Stark Tower where she remains until the end of the battle.

          • Actually, you know what? I need to revise that.

            I do not recall if Black Widow actually kills any aliens with head shots. I was only hoping to clear up that she was not firing at the serpent things with her guns. She was only firing at the ground troops. I only recall her shooting at them to provide cover for the most part.

            Then it’s followed up by the hand-to-hand combat and alien weapons, until she commandeers an alien’s ride to Stark Tower with the help of dual knives and Captain America.

  8. I thought I had been beaten out for lowest rated comment! Thanks you guys, your love for Mindy Kaling made it happen. I’m not going to make a full speech, although this is probably the closest I’m ever going to get to a true EGOT because the only one I’m missing is editor’s choice and who am I kidding! Not happening.

    For the record, Mindy’s thing probably was charming and great and whatever. I didn’t even read it! Sorry! I just couldn’t pass up the chance for a world class play on words just kidding.

  9. I’m glad you guys still think I’m funny.

    • I’m fighting an uphill war over at Stereogum to make sure you win the Dirty Projectors Caption Contest too. That thing is the most brutal competition I’ve ever seen held on the internet. It’s like watching a city of people try to outrun a flood as they all actively smash each other in the shins with sticks and debri.

  10. Canadian long weekend!

    • YEAHHHHH! I’m going to ride roller coasters this weekend and also abuse various substances and also date a cute guy, so everything is looking GRAND. Happy long weekend, Canadian monsters!

      • I’m going to go dancing and bake scones and fall in love with a LARPer at tam tams (I assume) and drink SO MUCH ALCOHOL and host my brother and go hiking!

  11. weekend! congrats ballers@!

  12. See, not exactly home of the 1%

  13. Oh no! I’m so late!! I was out having socialtimes with a friend home from law school! Anyway, have wonderful weekends, Monsters! I’m going to Epcot tomorrow! I will eat a crepe in “France” for you all.

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