File this one under: NO, TOTALLY, I KNOW, RIGHT?! From Variety (via AV Club):

Red Bull Media House has signed on to produce “Twist” for Pure Grass Films and the Salt Co. “Twist,” a 3D retelling of Charles Dickens’ “Oliver Twist” set in the present day, comes from an original idea by the Brothers Lynch and Simon Thomas.

Story will center around the novel’s Fagin Gang, which will use the physical vaulting art of parkour to carry out a series of art thefts in the film.

Since we all already knew that Red Bull had a production company, and since all the kids are into Oliver Twist these days, and since parkour is THE hottest sport of the ’90s, and since 3D, and vampires, and HBO Go, I’d be surprised if anyone had any questions or concerns about this Perfect News.

Comments (44)
  1. While this sounds pretty stupid, I will say that the opening Parkour-esque sequence of Casino Royale was pretty much the only good part of that movie.

  2. Please, sir, may I have some taurine?

  3. good to hear. i hope it goes well and alters the poor public reception of energy-drink-sponsored remakes of classics after the tragedy that was Four Loko’s Don Quixote

    “Finally, from so little sleeping and so much drinking Four Loko, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”

  4. Weirdly, this is true: I just finished reading Oliver Twist YESTERDAY. I have been reading it since March. Jiminy, that book. It is nothing like the musical. There is a reason it is free on Kindle! At any rate, it was a slog, except for all the anti-semitic parts, which I hope they really hit hard in the parkour-intensive art-theft scenes, otherwise they are not being true to the source and that would be travesty-like.

  5. Featuring Jayden Smith as “The Artful iPodger.”

  6. I hope M. Night Shyamalan directs, and then there’s no twist ANYWHERE in the movie. They don’t even say his last name! And that would be the biggest twist of them all.

  7. Guys, Rockstar Energy Drinks is already doing a skyaking version of Great Expectations.

  8. Is this going to coincide with the new series “Freestyle Walker, Texas Ranger”?

  9. Billy Joel can still walk?!?!

  10. Speaking of parkour America Ninja Warrior starts this week and it always makes me sad because I like regular Ninja Warrior so much better and I liked it back in the day when there were like 2 Americans competing among all the Japanese contestants…but now the separate the Americans and the Japanese and you have to watch it twice even though it’s the same competition…I just wish we could all get along.

    • I think we can all agree that even segregated Ninja Warrior is far superior to its inbred cousin, Wipeout.

      • You mean the show that is programming America’s youth to kill each other by means of anal sex and worship the homo Judas instead of Jesus H(etero) Christ and something something Whitney Houston died naked, don’t let it happen to you?

      • As a compromise, if you watch Wipeout with the audio from Japanese Ninja Warrior, it is waaaayyy better. And you don’t get all the subliminal homo messages.

  11. “What the Dickens?” – someone almost funny

  12. Dickens himself said that he would have written it that way to begin with; there just wasn’t the technology at the time.

  13. Red Bull parkour Oliver Twist 3D? So obvious! Mew says the cat, quack-quack says the duck, bow-wow-wow says the dog!

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