ATTENTION HUMANS! I KNOW IN THE PAST WE HAVE ISSUED MANY WARNINGS OF A POTENTIAL ROBOT UPRISING, MANY OF WHICH HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE FALSE ALARMS, AND EACH WARNING PAINTED THE ROBOT FUTURE AS BLEAK AND DEVOID OF HUMAN LIFE, BUT UH, HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS STORY OF HOW TWO PARALYZED STROKE VICTIMS ARE ABLE TO CONTROL A ROBOT ARM WITH THEIR MINDS? IT IS INCREDIBLE! LET WIRED TELL YOU ABOUT IT:

By thinking about moving her own paralyzed arm, one woman in the experiment used an artificial limb to serve herself coffee for the first time in 15 years. It’s the most complex task yet achieved with a brain-computer interface.

Hochberg directs the BrainGate2 clinical trial, an ongoing test of the BrainGate system. With a 4-millimeter-wide, brain-implanted chip as its centerpiece, the system conducts signals from motion-controlling neurons to a computer that decodes the signals and turns them into software commands.

ISN’T THAT BEAUTIFUL? I KNOW ROBOT MIND CONTROL CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WE SHOULD BE WARY OF, AND THIS IS PERHAPS NOT THE TONE YOU’VE COME TO EXPECT FROM ROBOT UPRISING ALERTS, AND IN THAT WAY PERHAPS SHOULD NOT BE PRESENTED IN EMERGENCY ALERT CAPS LOCK, BUT HEY GUYS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO IT IS PRETTY NEAT!

I’M NOT SAYING THAT WE SHOULDN’T STAY ON ALERT FOR FUTURE DEVELOPMENTS, OR THAT WE SHOULD FULLY ACCEPT THE ROBOT UPRISING WITH OPEN ROBOTIC ARMS, BUT I AM SAYING THAT MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL GET THESE ROBOT CHIPS IMPLANTED IN OUR BRAINS? THEY SEEM GREAT. (Via Neatorama.)

Comments (18)
  1. As a Republican who will be voting for Joe the Plumber, I am against this. Why doesn’t that lady just try harder to get her own coffee?

  2. Wait until Stephen Hawking gets ahold of an even bigger arm to squash us all.

  3. MAGIC HAND!

  4. This isn’t the robot uprising! Just the opposite! We’re finally in control of the robots again!

    …unless that’s just what they want us to think.

  5. was this post written by Kelly or Kanye?

  6. So you want everybody to have a robot chip in their head? Is there anything you’re not telling us, Kelly?

    Or should I say “Is there anything you’re not telling us, MODEL X-23A DESTRUCTIONBOT?”!!!!

  7. Y’all, I have nothing snarky to say. The way that woman smiled after she finished drinking brought tears to my eyes.

  8. “brain gate has been tested first in monkeys”

    that study must have been messy.

    “THROW FECES THROW FECES THROW FECES THROW FECES”

  9. The sooner I’m just a brain and spine encased in a cybernetic robot body owned by the government and sent out on espionage adventures, the better.

  10. Please. Like a human mind could control a robot arm. More like the robot arm was controlling her mind.

  11. At last robots can hold onto their own robot butts.

  12. Um, is hot coffee really the wisest choice for testing out a robotic arm?

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.