
Unfortunately, Gabe isn’t around right now to have a Friendly Chat with me, even though it is our Wednesday end-of-day tradition. Believe me, no one is more disappointed than I am. I wonder how he’s doing? I wonder if he wonders how I’M doing! I wonder if we’re both fine? Friendly Chats will resume next week, but today we’re going to leave our offices/bedrooms high on the ANIMAL VIDEO COUNTDOWN! Wooooo! AN-I-MAL! VID-E-OS! AN-I-MAL! VID-E-OS! But for all of you who are desperate for a taste of Gabe/Kelly chat, I’ve written a short fake one to get you through the evening. Here it is:
Kelly: Hi Gabe! How are you?
Gabe: YOU’RE FIRED.
And now for the animal videos!
10. Kitten Wants To Save Its Friend
9. Cat Rides A Horse
8. Cat Is Possessed
7. Cat Eats A Watermelon
6. Baby Squirrel Massage
5. Puppies With A Longboard
4. Monkeys Want Tourists’ Bags
3. Puppy Gets Its Head Stuck In A Box
2. Pandas On A Slide
1. Little Girl Takes Dog For A Walk
OH MY GOODNESS LITTLE GIRL TAKES DOG FOR A WALK. Not only is that the number one video for this week, but it is also one of the number one videos for my whole life. When she pets it at the end while it continues walking on two legs? Give me a break. Just the best. Pandas on a slide are obviously a delight. What a bunch of fat dummies. Puppy with its head stuck in a box is just a classic, as is the dog/longboard video. And monkeys are always wonderful to watch, especially when they are causing a ruckus. Just a great batch of videos today. Happy to end the day with them. Lovely. Congratulations to everyone involved.
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CAREFUL, PANDAS! SOMEONE’S GOING TO GET HURT!
Kelly:

Puppy gets its head stuck in a box? More like puppy gets this video stuck in my heart!
I thought I would never see anything better than a cat riding a horse; then came the puppies on a skateboard and I KNEW I would never see anything better; and just at that moment came pandas on a slide. So today is a great day.
Without a Wednesday night chat it’s utter panda-monium, a cat-astrophe if you will, monkey dog squirrel
Haha! Gabe is hilarious.
(In all seriousness though, Kelly, good on you for keeping down the fort)
And now The Chris Trash Top 10 animal interactions of all time:
10. I bought a dog from a Videogum commenter. His name is Atole. He likes cats.
9. As a teen, I had a cat named booger. She wasn’t a house cat but an outdoor cat who would come and hang out with me. When she was older she came to give birth in our garage and we made a little place for her and her kittens. The garage burned a few days later and momma booger came by.. but the kittens were gone. She paced back and forth all day around the remains.
8. I once kissed a monkey when her handler wasn’t looking. I miss you, Animal Kingdom on Milwaukee Ave.
7. My dream is to have Rideable dogs. https://www.facebook.com/Rideable.Dogs
6. I have this weird thing where I never cried as a kid. In fact i did’t cry when i accidentally slashed my leg with a broken bottle but I did cry when my pet hamster, Rosie died. I cried for days
5. I once found a little tiny monkey like thing that I kept in a bucket. I’m not sure what it was really, at this point I think I might have imagined it.
4. When I was young my dad had an eagle and a falcon. We feed them chicken heads.
3. on a trip to La Huasteca I befriended a feral dog. This is of note because The area was declared a disaster zone due to flooding at the time but my cousins and I went anyway. If only Siri had been there to tell us it was raining.
2. My cat once weighed 20 pounds. He’s currently at 14 and the Doctor says he’s fine
1. When I was 7 I traded my dog, Wilberto, for some Rambo stickers.
Those are all excellent, Chris. I could interact with animals all day everyday. I miss having pets so bad. I need more money and a place that allows them.
I feel like maybe I just fell in love with you a bit after reading that.
I like this game! old man fatima’s top 10 animal interactions, in order of appearance:
1. When I was very young we went to a monkey sanctuary. I had a Little Orphan Annie red afro (my hair is not red now, nor is anyone’s in my family), and the monkeys were obsessed with it and kept crowding around me to pet my hair.
2. I had an angora bunny that my mom would take to a lady who spun wool and she would spin wool from her loose hair while she sat on her lap (the bunny on the woman, not my mom) and my grandma taught me how to knit using this wool.
3. My brothers and I caught a snake in the garden and named it Cobra because of G I Joe and it was years before I found out that cobra snakes were anything other than our snake.
4. I grew up on an island in British Columbia that had moose so used to people that they would come up and eat bread out of your hands.
5. We had a cat that had to be put down when I was about 8 and my mom told me she went to live on a farm and I never questioned it. Only found out the truth 10 or so years later when I asked my brother how he thought she was doing, and they will never let me live it down.
6. Perhaps because of this, when my very elderly (15 years) rabbit died while I was out of town my grandmother told me an elaborate story about how she took it camping and it made rabbit friends and one of them figured out how to pick the lock and she escaped with them to live happily in the forest, but came out of the woods to say goodbye with all her rabbit friends as they drove away. She refuses to admit this is not true, and tells me that she still sees her when they go camping even though she’d be about 30 by now.
7. My friend in high school had a giant wolfhound named Finnigan who was in love with me. Every time I would come over, his mom would say “Finn, your girlfriend’s here!” and he would run up to me, lay down at my feet, and just gaze adoringly at me until I left.
8. I had a little green tree frog who lived on my bedroom wall for about 6 months and I’d always joke that if I was desperate enough I would kiss him and turn him into a prince. After a break up, my girlfriends took me out and got me super drunk and we decided we would go home to my prince but when we got there he was gone. I never saw him again. They teased me for months about getting dumped by the frog.
9. I adopted a giant ginger street dog named Horatio when I lived in Chile, but border agents wouldn’t let me bring him and I never found out what they did with him.
10. I feed a stray cat so huge that at first I thought he was a black lab puppy (he is over 1.5 feet tall at the shoulder, I measured while he was eating once). He is old and grizzled and covered in scars and missing an eye, so I named him Catticus Maximus. Last year another stray tried to fight him on the rooftop across from my apartment and I saw him ruin this poor cat with a single blow. He’s my dream boyfriend.
Noclevername’s top 5:
1). When I was younger, I used to live in a small town in northern British Columbia called Fort St. John. There was the guy called One-Eyed Bud the Poacher (not kidding on that one). He got so ripped-shit drunk one day that he shot a black bear in the ass with a revolver at a rest stop. In full view of a busload of terrified Japanese tourists.
2). When my family used to go to Banff National Park for summer vacation, we would always have to deal with deer that would come into our campsite and steal our dinner. It was always just the parsley garnish that they would try to eat.
3. I once had a black Lab called Sally. She was alternately smart and extremely dumb. She was smart enough to know that you can dig under a fence, but not smart enough to realize that her own poop wasn’t food. My dad tried to get her to go duck hunting with us. But she was too scared of loud noises (to the point of hiding in a specific place whenever she heard thunder).
4. My parents are from Australia, so every so often we would go to my grandpa’s farm in New South Wales. The toilet was in a seperate outhouse. One time I had to go in the evening. As I got up from the shitter, something caught my eye. It was a giant cane toad being sucked down by the flush.
5. Another cute thing about my dog was her trainability. Stray cats would get on the deck and try to steal my brother’s cat’s food, so my mom would scream “GET OUT OF HERE!” at them. Naturally, Sally would come running to the door and see a cat running away. Eventually, it got to the point where we got my mom to yell “GET OUT OF HERE!” at absolutely nothing and then Sally would, on cue, run up to the glass door with an expectant look on her face. It was the best.
I think Mr. Puff and those pandas would get along really well!
This is gonna sound stupid, but can we leave requests for next week’s Petting Zoo? If so, I vote for binturongs. .
OH MY GOD. I’ve never even heard of the binturong before! The species set of ‘long-nosed cats’ rarely if ever enters my mind from day to day, as I’ve never lived in the eastern parts of the world where they do. The binturong has such a look of old-timey earnestness!

Only carnivore with a prehensile tail, yo!
STUPID CAT! DON’T EAT THE RIND!
(my dog eats watermelon like a champ. but we have to feed it too him outside (messy!) AND take it away before he gets to the rind because, yes, he will just keep eating.)
Midget in a dog suit?