Good morning, parents and Today Show host Natalie Moralez. I’m so pleased to be featured in a segment this morning discussing how I — a three-year-old with an IQ of 135 — am currently the youngest member of the high IQ society, Mensa. To have achieved such an outstanding feat at such a young age — well, it’s nothing I thought I’d ever experience, I’ll tell you that much. I hardly know I’m experiencing it now! With that said, though, and I really mean no disrespect to the Today Show, nor do I mean any disrespect toward Mensa or my parents, but, you see, at the moment I really have to poop. I know that sounds crude, but you have to understand that although I did rack up a pretty high score on the IQ test I was given, I am still a child and unable to wait on certain, well, let’s just say “life activities.” Like pooping. Like, I really cannot handle how much I have to poop right now. I am a three-year-old. So can you please take me off of TV and let me poop? I really have to poop! Why is everyone ignoring me? Doesn’t anyone love me and understand my needs? Natalie Moralez, you’re in charge here and certainly you understand that I am a child — Can I please poop? Natalie? Hello? Et tu, Natalie Moralez? WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME POOP?

I’m so sorry, baby genius, but you’re a member of Mensa now and your parents are participating in a VERY important interview about how you like bugs. NO POOPING ALLOWED. (Via Jezebel.)

Comments (24)
  1. 135 IQ and she can’t find the bathroom? WHERE’S YOUR MESSIAH NOW, GENIUS?!

  2. I used to teach at a preschool and I’m a bit skeptical… Kids are more clever than you’d think, but this 3 year old can barely squeeze and eye dropper! My three year olds could squeeze eye droppers! My four years olds could draw mother fucking ELEPHANTS. Did her parents only teach her the stuff that’s on the Mensa exam and that’s all? This poor kid will grow up like the Tenenbaums.

    • I’m with ya. For no real reason I can put my finger on, this is setting off all of my Bad Parenting alerts.

      • I’m going to go with “Your child is crying, indicating intestinal distress, and repeatedly articulating that she needs to poop, and all you do is laugh nervously and stare glassy-eyed at Natalie Moralez,” as something to put my finger on.

        • Um. Yeah. I’m sorry but when my kid says his tummy hurts and we’re in the car, or anywhere, I pull over, otherwise it’s barfarama. If he says he needs to go, Go Man!. She didn’t seem to be shedding crocodile tears and, if she’s on a show, has been totally taken away from her regular schedule. Side note: Morgan Freeman on Sesame Street was the best. Morbid. But the best!

  3. “I hear ya’.”

  4. My son is just a little over 2. Despite multiple pediatricians telling me that children cannot control their bowels and bladders prior to 18 months, he has always refused to poop anywhere other than home. In fact, the last time he did so was when he was 5 months old. If we’re out somewhere, he’ll hold it until we get back home. So I’m thinking this Mensa kid isn’t so smart, after all.

  5. High Expectations Asian Father meme: “You have to go number two? Why not number one?”

  6. As a former member of Mensa I can tell you with confidence that this is exactly the sort of thing that gets you kicked out of Mensa.

  7. The Skidmore family strikes again.

  8. Is Mensa still a thing? Isn’t it kind of a place for the nouveau-smart? All the people with old smart don’t need to be a part of Mensa.

  9. Here’s the lesson: don’t scarf down donuts in the green room.

  10. Donuts stuffed with Ex-Lax by Hota Kotb and meant for Kathie Lee Gifford.

  11. She realizes that the Today Show is less important than a child’s dump, you don’t have to be that smart to get that.

  12. I too need to poop…a lot…
    I MUST BE THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE !!!

  13. AYO, I DON’T CONDONE CONSTIPATION, BUT ANYONE WHO CAN’T HOLD THEIR BOWELS UNTIL THE END OF A LIVE TV SEGMENT IS WEAK

  14. We’ve all been there, Tiny Genius. We’ve all been on the Today Show in the midst of a terrifying Code Brown.

  15. She is complaining about having to poop, but she seems much more preoccupied and uncomfortable about that catheter they have her hooked up to.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.