So she’s a bit older. Who cares? You’ve reached a point in your life where “age” just doesn’t factor into what you look for in a potential lover. What matters to you is that she supports you, listens to you, and, above all, shares your beliefs. Specifically your beliefs concerning Nebraska’s current fight to amend the state’s anti-discrimination law so it covers discrimination against LGBT citizens, an issue some might believe obvious and embarrassing in its current lack of resolution. SOME. Some. But not all. Not you two. You two peas in a dirty bigot pod know the truth about why LGBT citizens should not be covered under anti-discrimination law. For example, why should we protect “gays, bis, and orgiers” when THEY are the ones who created the ABC show Wipeout? A show that has broken bones and manslaughter EVERY MINUTE, just because they like to see people perishing? Does that sound “RIGHT” to you? And, please, don’t even get her started on Whitney Houston being naked when she died because whenever a person dies naked it’s because a gay man stole their clothing, or something. Actually, you know — you can’t do this justice. Everyone should just listen to your girlfriend. Although you share your beliefs that make so much sense and are so easy to re-state and not have them sound like I must’ve gotten something wrong in there because what?, she states them so much more eloquently.

“Oh my god,” you say. “Take off that hat and come over here, I just can’t resist any longer.” (Thanks for the tip, hassiar!)

Comments (93)
  1. that viral Olive Garden review clearly went to her head.

  2. “Bisexuals ALWAYS become insane.”

    That’s when I knew I loved her and never wanted to lose her.

  3. This old lady is as dumb as her hat.

  4. Gays can transform to be celibate to live to be 80 years old
    RIP Maurice Sendak

    • I was really hoping that sentence would end with “can transform into werewolves.” That gays can transform into octogenarians is not nearly as cool.

  5. There’s a very apt spatial metaphor concerning gaps in generational attitudes going on here:

  6. oh honey, we’ve talked about that hat haven’t we?- my first thoughts on seeing this video.

  7. Needless to say, my girlfriend’s not into butt stuff.

  8. This is why I said not everyone should have a voice in government.” — Thomas Jefferson

  9. You know, if you’re going to just make numbers up, you should probably to try to at least make them sound plausible.

  10. I don’t want to watch this.

  11. Fake and butt-licking.

  12. Who are these people in the audience and how are they keeping it together? Were they given earplugs before she started speaking?

  13. correction gabe: EX girlfriend. i left her last week for a bi-sexual transgender man we met at an orgy last week. we bonded over our mutual love for “Wipeout” and hit it off from there.

    I haven’t watched this video yet. how is she taking it?

  14. I’d been holding out for a girl who knows how to connect the dots. Specifically the ABC programming-fungus-necrophilia-insanity dots. I can’t believe how long it took to find her.

  15. It’s true, we are very in love and will be together forever. It’s really a tragedy that we are both women, and therefore gay or bi, and therefore need to enter a suicide pact? IT’S LOGIC PEOPLE.

  16. She sounds like she’s reading automatic poetry cut from your uncle’s forwarded emails.

  17. Wait, if you want to stop turning gay in college, shouldn’t they introduce ONLY mixed gender dorms? With mandatory sexing times?

  18. I choose Judas

  19. Oh man, the fact checking department over at Wikiphobia must really been working overtime to validate all of these claims.

  20. I wonder how many bears she had to kill before one finally dropped that +5 hat of homophobia.

  21. Comment 1: Living a celibate life until 80 or having a healthy sex life and dying younger? I think if I tell you that at times, I’ve eaten bacon six days in a row, and had days where I had bacon with every meal, you know where I stand on this. (This seems a good a place as any to brag about how for my birthday, my landlords made me “Vice Cream” which is ice cream with pot, whiskey, and bacon in it.)

    Comment 2: I am fairly positive that the woman sitting behind her, to her left, changed her stance on the issue from anti-gay to pro-gay during the course of the speech.

    • I though she was just humming the tune to the Love Boat.

    • All of a sudden, my landlords seem like terrible landlords.

      • It’s okay, I do things like spend my day off working with them on the house, either their half or my half. You don’t borrow your landlords’ tools to fix things, do you?

        • My landlords are just some random couple in California who bought this townhouse in Dallas for their daughters to live in while they were at SMU, and then started leasing it to us once their girls graduated and moved back to California. So basically my landlords are just some bank account I wire my rent to every month. Suffice it to say they don’t send us any Vice Cream.

    • who on earth is your landlord? i’ve had a few during my time here in burlington, and none of them every made me ice cream. one of the pervier ones used to just come in our house unannounced to “check the windows” during summer months, but that’s not even remotely close to bacon and whiskey. what’s your secret???? #vermonstersunite!

      • Though we met as them being their landlords, I’ve known them for almost three years now and are pretty much my family in town, so, yeah, it works out well as a landlord/tenant situation. Sure, they do things like break into my house, drunk, in the middle of the night, because they are out of popcorn, but who doesn’t want friends who do that?

  22. Actually, we’re engaged now. We said we wouldn’t get married until another state found the courage to PROTECT MARRIAGE. Thanks North Carolina!


  24. Also, why is it p-e-n-i-s and then just anus? Honestly, I’m more uncomfortable with her saying anus than penis.

  25. For a long time, it didn’t bother me that a significant chunk of my tax dollars goes towards a social security program that probably won’t even exist by the time I am old enough to collect benefits. That’s just the way it is. But now that I know that some tiny portion (however insignificant) of those tax dollars goes towards supporting her just really upsets me.

  26. Parks & Rec is weird without the reaction shots.

  27. Romney supports her with his Mom jeans:

  28. I believe that is actually the character description in the script of JC Superstar: “Judas, a homo.”

  29. It still amazes me that I (we) live in a country with so many ignorant people.

  30. “This is the result of a tenuous study…”
    You don’t say!

  31. This is clearly an alien robot masquerading as a shill for the mental health lobby. I hate to beat a dead horse, but yet more evidence of the alien robot takeover.

    My only point of confusion: What do the alien robots have against my favorite band, Judas Homo & the Orgiers?

  32. She lives on her own; has access to fire, electrical appliances and heating elements; and probably drove herself there. Lincoln Nebraska is a scary place.

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