Photos
It has been a while, for so many reasons, since we’ve checked in on what Courtney Stodden has been up to in the spontaneous photo shoot department, but since Mother’s Day is right around the corner we thought it’d be appropriate to share this sweet, candid mother/daughter moment caught on film. Awww. Look at these two. I know we all lead busy lives (with our photo shoots at pumpkin patches, photo shoots walking the dog, and our nonsense web series about god knows what, and really just remembering to make what we understand to be sexy faces just whenever) but Mother’s Day should be a day when we all just take a few moments out of our own lives and celebrate everything our mothers have done for us (allow us, as children, to marry aging, 100-year-old bit-part actors; never question our completely inappropriate and regretful over-sexualization, again, as a child, which will absolutely have an incredibly negative impact on our mental state as adults; pose in horrifying photos with us in lingerie and what are for sure lucite heels while we make sexy faces with things like baking powder). Moms, you know! They’re just the best. Every single one of them. There is no mom who is not the best and certainly not this one mom in particular, I don’t even know whom I was referring to when I said the thing about “this one mom in particular” because that’s how difficult it is to think right now of a mom who maybe hasn’t done the best job raising her daughter. (Via TheSuperficial.)
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No, Courtney. It’s a virgin in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom.
That’s why she’s wearing more clothes than usual.
Actually the picture Kelly posted is by far the most appropriate one out of the entire gallery. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but let’s just say that I haven’t seen anyone this close to their mother since these guys:
Are they going to show us how to make meth?
Well, she’s already shown us how to make meh. So, logical progression.
What might she be making to eat for Mother’s Day?
Statutortellini
I was trying to figure that out. We have flour, sugar, baking soda, frosting, oranges, and strawberries, and crabs (not pictured). I can’t figure out what you can do with all of those ingredients.
With those ingredients, she could make Venereal Diseasy Bake Strawberry Cupcakes.
Those sound good. I’d better run out and get one before they’re all gonorrhea!
Herpy up!
up votes for all!
Look, mom, it’s “Skank N’ Bake” and I helped!
Eggs Benedaddy issues?
Chicken Cacciapredatori
lolitacos
That has two meanings, and they are both gross.
Low Self-esteemed crabs?
esteamed
Sooo…which one’s older, again? It is impossible to tell.
mrs. stodden looks like she’s the type of person that says she’s “proud” of her daughter and smiles, but then looks away and subtly holds back tears.
What makes you say that? I mean, this is exactly how my mother and I cook together.
I think Courtney’s a secret geek and is modeling her appearance after a certain villain turned X-Men-HBIC:
From everything I’ve read about her, she actually IS proud of her, and is a big part of the reason that Courtney turned out so awful.
I’d be inclined to agree because she looks pretty normal, but she definitely contributed to the hyper-sexualization of her underage child for profit and encouraged and approved of the sexual* relationship between a 15-16 year old and a man in his 50s. I want to wish all sorts of bad things on her parents for what they’ve done to her, but I really can’t think of anything worse than watching your little girl be horribly victimized and exploited in front of the entire world so I’m at a bit of a loss…
*even if they didn’t have sex before marriage (when she was 16) as they claim, I have a hard time believing there was nothing sexual about their relationship prior to that.
Let’s not forget, she’s also the one who said that women were reporting Courtney Stodden’s Facebook page because they were jealous. Clearly, she has her daughter’s best interests in mind at all times.
Let’s not forget Mom of the Century…
Common mistake; I know that looks like Lindsay has a child, but that’s actually her homonculus.
What kind of stories must she have read to that child? Snow Ho and the Seven Perverts? The Runaway Chika?
Where the Wild Things Are.
A+, Facetaco.
The HIVing Tree
Goldilocks and the 3 highly inappropriate older gentlemen callers
What, you mean it’s strange to stand around a kitchen in your underoos with your mother, pretending to bake, in a completely useless apron and 17 inch clear heels? I don’t know, I think you all are the weird ones. Normal bonding stuff. Too normal, maybe.
I applaud your commitment to using your FB for Courtney Stodden posts. 10 points to Gryffindor!
I have no idea how Courtney Stodden became my patronus, but you just can’t fight fate.
You like to keep it rillll.
Her mother looks younger than her.
I could have sworn this other mother-of-the-year was her mom:
No. Future Courtney has come back to warn Present Courtney about the risks of not using enough moisturiser.
But the real question is…is she MOM ENOUGH?
GOOD LORD WHY IS THAT A THING?!
Because boobs.
What will that kid later regret more: that picture or those camo cargo pants?
I’ve never been so proud that I was bottle-fed.
hey! at least use your hands so you don’t spill! Do you want ants? because that’s how you get them mister!
Is it just me or does that kid have a face like, “That’s right, haters. You just wish you were me.”
She had that kid at 23? And is a psycho attachment parent mom?
I’m calling shenanagoats.
Also, I just wanted to put a baby goat here because we all needed to look at something awesome after all this awfulness.
You are a gentlewoman, and a scholar.
This whole concept is baffling to me. I’m no psychologist, but this only seems like it would produce weird results. Like that creepy Game of Thrones situation.
I WANT TO SEE THE BAD MAN FLY!!! -this kid, three years from now.
If the kid is old enough to verbalize his desire for breast milk, I’m thinking that he might be too old for breast milk. Not judging, not judging.
My dad always makes the same joke: “What’s he gonna do, invite his friends over for milk and cookies?” gross.
This whole comment thread is NSFW!!!!!
All I’m gonna say is that the Stoddens apparently have a thing or two to learn about sanitary food preparation.
I was going to comment sooner, but after looking at the photo of Courtney I had to invest in a braille keyboard first. Because I am now blind. Also I forgot what I was going to say.
i’m guessing the secret ingredient is silicon tit milk? either way, she is gross.
Isn’t the term “tit milk” a bit redundant?
In this case, there may have been several other possible origins of the translucent white substance, so a little extra detail is appreciated. Also, you have to love the way “tit milk” slides off the tongue. Twangy!
I just spat out soda after reading this at work… thank you eldave, you have made my morning.
UGH I am so late but I’VE SEEN HER IN PERSON because she has come into the coffee shop at which I work and she is RIDICULOUS and wears those clothes around ALL THE TIME. She does not look 17 IRL, which is PRETTY obvious from the pictures. She wore a tiny shirt that might’ve been a dress(?) that said “looking for a little ~tongue~”. DOUG complained to me about his iced tea – he ordered Southern but it tasted like Tropical Passion (even though it was CLEARLY Southern).