Comedy Central has announced the target of this year’s celebrity roast, and it’s Larry the Cable Guy. This gives me so many mixed emoticons. From the press release:

NEW YORK, Feb. 11 — COMEDY CENTRAL is turning up the heat on this year’s Roastee, Larry the Cable Guy. The network announced today an all-star roster of Roasters that includes top comedic talent, a hall-of-fame football quarterback and a country music superstar. The “COMEDY CENTRAL Roast Of Larry The Cable Guy” tapes in Los Angeles at the Warner Brothers Studio lot on Sunday, March 1. The “COMEDY CENTRAL Roast Of Larry The Cable Guy” will premiere on Sunday, March 15 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT.

This year’s Roasters include Drew Carey, Nick DiPaolo, Jeff Foxworthy, Greg Giraldo, Toby Keith, Lisa Lampanelli, Dan Marino, Jeffrey Ross, among many others to be announced.

On the one hand, no one deserves to have people make fun of him to his face on national television more than Daniel Lawrence Whitney. But on the other hand, the whole point of a roast is to celebrate and ultimately legitimize the roastee, so, you know, roast FAIL. I’m still hoping that the comedians do the right thing and “roast” him properly.

Here are a few of the roast jokes I hope to hear:

  • What’s the difference between Larry the Cable Guy and the most condescending, phony, least funny asshole in the world? Nothing. There is no difference.
  • Larry is so dumb that he is the dumbest.
  • Larry just flew in and I wish his plane had crashed.
  • I still remember the first time I met Larry because I wish I hadn’t.
  • Larry the Cable Guy is like the George W. Bush of comedy. He’s a liar and he is horrible at his job and he has done lasting damage to the world.

ZING ACCOMPLISHED.

Comments (23)
  1. Most Comedy Central Roasts suck anyway, unless Norm Macdonald is there.

  2. I hope they take the Roast part literally.

  3. “Knock Knock”
    “Who’s there?”
    “Larry the Cable guy”
    “Go away I hate you you’re the worst”

  4. if he gets naked then its best roast ever, heyo!

  5. I wonder how many names he debated using before settling on Larry The Cable Guy… He kind of started when Satellite was getting big, “Larry the Satellite Installation Guy” just doesnt have the same ring. How about “Larry the High Speed Internet guy”

  6. Dan  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 +3

    CC has been ignoring the “legitimize” part of roasts for a while now. I mean, Pamela Anderson? Shatner? Granted, this is a step down from even those, but clearly they are not seeking out the most unassailable legends of pop for these things anymore.

    • Prestidigititis  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 +3

      I’m with you on Pamela Whatshertits, but you’re saying Shatner is assailable? He’s built himself into the Teflon Pop Culture Icon. Throw any insult at him, and it won’t stick. He’s done ridiculous, ludicrous things with a straight face, but proved that he’s also in on the joke afterward. “Transformed Man” beget “Has Been,” a really decent album he made with noteworthy musicians. His version of “Rocket Man” got him the early spoken-word Priceline ads, which were pitch-perfect. And he still has a decent, mostly-serious TV role on “Boston Legal.” Shatner’s the punchline of his own joke now, and he’s showing us he’s in on it, so it’s okay. Shatner can’t be denied.

      Learn more about my theories in my upcoming book, “Shatner: You Want Him.” Coming soon.

      • Dan  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2009 0

        I agree with you for the most part. I’ve been a trekkie for life, and I love “Has Been” (although I think it owes more to Ben Folds’ production skills than Shatner’s talent. See his prior album for evidence). My point was simply that if you are going to make a short list of legendary comics to roast as tribute, Shatner wouldn’t make the top ten, nor would Bob Saget or Rob Reiner (the last two I remember). The clear trend is toward prioritizing the roastee’s ridiculousness over their achievements. Why? Because it makes for better tv. Although Reiner, Saget, and Shatner are certainly owed a modicum of respect along with the jabs, that seems to be getting increasingly less important to CC. It’s predictable they’d eventually end up at a dead end like Larry the Cable Fucker.

  7. Sigh, when I was scrolling through my RSS reader I saw the picture for this article and it activated my ‘hot guy’ turn signal. Then I realized it was Larry The Cableguy and I felt gross. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Fuck him.

  8. The only one I see actually roasting him well is Lisa. I just don’t see her having respect for him?
    Not watching no matter what.

    • Will she really roast him? Or will it be more along the lines of “Larry the Cable Guy, I won’t fuck you because you’re not black. Hahaha I’m a dirty whore.”

  9. Why are they telling us Jeffrey Ross will be there? Of course Jeffrey Ross will be there.

  10. Larry, you are an unfunny, arrogant, redneck asshole. Boom, roasted.

  11. wait  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 +3

    Dan Marino?
    as in, Dan Marino, Dan Marino?
    the football player Dan Marino?

  12. Oh good, Toby Keith’s going to be there. I was afraid that this roast was going to be filled with like-minded ideologues who’d go too easy on Larry the Cable Guy.

  13. wolf  |   Posted on Feb 12th, 2009 0

    I hope someone decides to tell some sort of joke about how Larry’s a redneck. Oh well, what are the chances that would happen. I’m getting my hopes up for no reason :-(

  14. sawtool  |   Posted on Feb 12th, 2009 0

    Looks like Larry doesn’t miss a meal! Maybe he should update his name to Larry the Kitchen Table Guy!

  15. John A Santomasso  |   Posted on Feb 12th, 2009 +1

    Maybe I’m old, but in totum, give me the Dean Martin Roasts any day.

  16. John A Santomasso  |   Posted on Feb 12th, 2009 0

    Maybe I’m old, but in totem, give me the Dean Martin Roasts any day.

  17. Ha ha ha, this was hilarious. I too am honestly appalled at how far Comedy Central has fallen in quality over the years. They’re not just scraping the bottom of the barrel with this “roast,” they’re digging into the ground underneath the barrel.

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