The Osbourne family is coming back to television with a brand new variety show. It is going to be called Osbournes: Reloaded, and it is going to be miserable. Preview, you guys:

We’re gonna need a bigger YIKES. I know that I throw the term “worst” around pretty loosely, but if you look up “worst” in the dictionary it’s a picture of me typing out “the worst” about this show. What is this? Who wants this? Is there really a segment of the population demanding more crass outmoded variety entertainment shows hosted by a man whose brain has been liquified by decades of drug abuse and the wife who patiently stood by his side and watched it happen? With the accompaniment of their two floundering children who look like suicidal ideation incarnate? Because if there is a segment of the population who feels that way, I think we should be really comfortable in ignoring them and never ever giving them what they want, ever.

And they spend half of the trailer on that guy making out with an old lady routine! That’s THE HIGHLIGHT. It doesn’t get any better than that, you guys. If you like that, there’s a whole lot more that where that came from.

Could they even make a worse show than this?

Like, if all the scientists got together and used their science to engineer the worst show possible, would it just be this show?

Scientist 1: What if instead of a shaving cream-hose at the end of each show, Ozzy sprayed everyone with a bullet hose?

Scientist 2: Are you kidding, that would be so much better.

Scientist 1: You’re right. This is the worst.

Scientist 2: You can’t argue with science.

Scientist 1: Pass me that Bunsen Burner. I have some other science stuff to do.

Eureeka, I’ve got it! Shut it down.

Comments (15)
  1. Sharon’s totally going to throw a drink on you and pull out your weave, Gabe.

  2. If they can somehow merge this show with the united states of tara, its possible. hand me that bunsen burner…

  3. “suicidal ideation incarnate.” Perfect.

  4. Shabutie  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 0

    Perhaps if they fused MadTV, The United States of Tara, Bromance and Osbournes: Reloaded…that would make for the ultimate in worst shows.

  5. I hope the Osbournes: Reloded is like the Matrix: Reloaded and it ends with giant robots storming the set and destroying everything,

  6. the apocalypse is upon us, maybe Ozzy is the prince of darkness, he’s bringing the thunder!

  7. Evan  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 +3

    Are you shitting me? Ozzy Osbourne throwing french fries at a car is TV gold.

  8. woozefa  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 +1

    wow, it’s the osbourne family smile time variety hour.

  9. If I were high, this tersely scripted “mayhem” would be making me VERY uncomfortable. You can only watch Osbournes: Reloaded while drinking Surge soda.

  10. guy  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 +3

    sigh, I know I’m going to be stoned by myself some night and this will come on, and I will have no choice but to watch it in with all the lights off while eating some dry granola and have my life totally ruined

  11. I cannot deal with this new Osbournes show right now.

  12. sol  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 -2

    that narrator must hace felt like a cheap whore.

  13. John R.  |   Posted on Feb 12th, 2009 0

    Let’s see: “The Brady Bunch Hour” ran for 9 episodes, Wayne Brady’s variety show lasted less than a year (before being reformatted into a talk show) and Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show didn’t even make it past the pilot.What’s next, “The Amy Winehouse Fun Time Jamboree”?

  14. jason  |   Posted on Mar 31st, 2009 -1

    Hey man why don’t you just chill. If it bothers you that much, don’t watch it. In the mean time people who wanna can and people who don’t, don’t have ta. And you can kiss Sharon Osbournes ass cause it takes an incredibly strong person to stick by some ones side thorough all that. I bet you can’t say that about yourself.

  15. jason  |   Posted on Mar 31st, 2009 -2

    Hey man why don’t you just chill. If it bothers you that much, don’t watch it. In the mean time people who wanna can and people who don’t, don’t have ta. And you can kiss Sharon Osbournes ass cause it takes an incredibly strong person to stick by some ones side thorough all that. I bet you can’t say that about yourself.

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