WELL?! WHAT DID YOU THINK?! I mean, I know you saw The Avengers this weekend. Your mom saw The Avengers this weekend. Let’s put it this way: so many people saw The Avengers this weekend that if it had been an election, the turn-out would have been suspicious and some of the voters in the toss-up districts would probably turn out to have been dead for 15 years. (On a sidenote: you should really read The Passage of Power, the fourth book in Robert Caron’s Lyndon Johnson biographies, which came out last Tuesday. It’s great.) I went to a 1:30PM screening by myself which is NOT EMBARRASSING. It shows that I’m a fully actualized adult who does whatever he wants and if he doesn’t go to a movie with friends it’s because he doesn’t WANT TO, OK? And not because he DOESN’T HAVE ANY. Whatever, who’d YOU see it with anyway, hot shot? Your dad? Did you make your daddy take you? ENOUGH! Let’s get to it: my audience was very pumped for The Avengers and I was also pumped but they were a little bit more pumped, which I could tell by the part where they applauded all the way through the Expendables 2 trailer, and then also this one guy in the row in front of me who every time someone had an even mildly funny line, like when Thor said that Loki was adopted, would clap like a total spaz, which is theoretically fine except that he wouldn’t stop clapping for awhile so you’d definitely miss at least the next line or two of dialogue because Comedy’s #1 Fan was still clapping and turning to his friend and going “HE’S ADOPTED HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” But so they were pumped is the point. And now that we’ve talked about the audience, let’s talk about the movie.
It was so fun! All our old pals, together at last. Robert Downey Jr. kind of steals the show in terms of just straight up charisma, as usual, but that’s not to say that Mark Ruffalo wasn’t very good as The Hulk, and I still maintain that Chris Hemsworth as Thor is the first dude I’ve seen in a movie in a long time where you are just like oh yeah, totally, no you should for sure be in movies. No HOMOSEXUAL. (Just kidding, I would totally fuck Chris Hemsworth. You should try everything once before you die.) I’m a big fan of Dame Jeremy Renner, in general, although I didn’t love how he was always snapping out that bow. Minor quibbles, but quibbles none the less. Every time he snapped out the bow it reminded me of this. Something something Captain America? All of that being said: hi pals! Love you, pals!
Action: great. That part when it zoomed around between all of The Avengers doing their different Avengers things? Great. The fun little arguments and snapbacks? So fun. And obviously people just lost their mind when the Hulk did that NO SPOILERS to Loki.
There were a couple logic issues, which I know is kind of stupid to even bother spending any time on when you’re dealing with a superhero movie because it’s like OH NO DUH THERE WERE SOME THINGS THAT DIDN’T ENTIRELY MAKE SENSE?! WAY TO BREAK THE CASE WIDE OPEN, INSPECTOR GADGET! But, I think it’s kind of lame that Loki’s deep space dark magic hypnosis spell just goes away when you get bonked in the head. And what about when Loki stabbed Thor and Thor got kind of sweaty for a couple of fights but then I guess is just fine and they never had to take him to the Hospital of Asgard or anything? And Tony Stark was so convinced that at a certain point The Hulk was going to gain control of his powers and be a superhero and then lo-and-behold that’s exactly what happened except that they didn’t ever really explain how/why. Oh, sure, he was awake when he fell out of the sky and we’re supposed to believe, I guess, that he purposefully didn’t crush Harry Dean Stanton into the rubble, but for the most part it was just like, that he didn’t have control and then now he has control. Control and a moped. That being said, the part where he says he’s always angry and then punches the thing is obviously a very good part.
In conclusion: good job, The Avengers. You were good.