It’s hard to explain one’s attraction to Internet videos of terrifying things, like bugs, and people climbing tall buildings, and Courtney Stodden LOL, and this ride we’re all about to see. Do we like it because when we’re watching the video we’re at least sure, for a moment, that we are not IN the video? Or is it because we hate ourselves and take every opportunity we can to put ourselves in discomfort? Or is it because we secretly LOVE things like bugs and watching people climb tall buildings?! (NO.) We may never know. Scientists have been working for lifetimes to figure it out and no scientist has ever even come close to figuring it out. All we can do is sit back, boot up our computers, and watch this video of a terrifying amusement park ride from Russia that does not even look that stable and should definitely not exist and, if it has to exist, should definitely not have any humans who willingly participate in it. That’s all we can do! I didn’t make up the rules. ROLL THE VIDEO!

Hey guys! Do you know you don’t have to ride that ride? You can do other things! Like walk around! And be with your friends and loved ones! Safely! It’s so weird that you must have been under the impression that riding that ride was mandatory! (Via Geekologie.)

Comments (33)
  1. that looks AWESOME!

  2. My thoughts while watching the video:

    “Just get on with it.. This video’s 3 minutes long? Couldn’t it have cut out that beginning? Oh, it’s starting. That’s not so bad, I’ve been on county amusement rides like that. OH MY GOD, WHAT’S HAPPENING?!> THE WORLD IS EXPLODING, THE MATIRIX IS REAL, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! I CAN’T FEEL MY STOMACH, i CAN’T SE……”

    This comment was brought to you from the grave.

  3. Is it anything like the DEVASTATOR, with its heart-stopping, 200 MPH, 15-story drop, spine-cracking, 90 degree turns and the final plunge– TWO WHOLE MINUTES UNDERWATER?!

  4. Our next videogum pizza party should be on this ride, and we will all throw up our pizza

  5. As a child I frequented Action Park, so this does nothing for me.

    • Action Park, New Jersey?!?!?! THAT PLACE WAS A CEMENT CHUTE INTO A HURRICANE. It was awesome. Please tell me it’s still there…. Lawyers have shut down huge swaths of my childhood, but I hope not this swath.

      • Okay, I just looked it up and it closed in 1996. Sigh. Also there were only 6 fatalities in the ’80s. I would have guessed 8, but there’s no count on broken arms and legs at wikipedia or Weird NJ.

        I forgot we used to call it Traction Park.

        • I know, right? There has to have been more than 6. Good job with all the cover ups, Accident Park (I always preferred that nickname, personally).

    • I have to thank you, because the Action Park wikipedia page has brightened my afternoon considerably with such excerpts as:

      - the engines were poorly maintained, and some riders were overcome by gasoline fumes as they drove.
      - Fergus said that, after the park management briefly set up a microbrewery nearby, employees looking for after-hours fun would break into it, steal the beer, and then ride the [race] cars on Route 94.
      - When workers had to enter the cage to attend to a stuck or crashed tank, which usually happened several times a day, they were often pelted with tennis balls from every direction.
      - As with the Super Speedboats mentioned below, the bumper boat pond was infested with snakes.
      - It was widely reported…that some of the test dummies sent down [the vertical loop waterslide] before it was opened had been dismembered.
      - Employees at the park used to like eating at a nearby snack bar with a good view of the attraction, since it was almost guaranteed that they could see some serious injuries, lost bikini tops, or both.
      - The speed at which riders met the end resulted in many getting wedgies and enemas from the experience.
      - Former employee Tom Fergus says the bottom of the pool was eventually painted white to make it easier to spot any bodies on the bottom.

      I plan to re-read this wikipedia entry biannually, because it is amazing.

      • A friend of mine worked there one summer and her job was to stand in a pool at the bottom of a water slide. If anyone coming off the slide didn’t realize the pool was only 4 feet deep and so panicked and started to flail or drown, her job was to punch them.

        Apparently (this is science, and it was part of her training) when you are punched while in water, you instinctively put your feet down.

        She spent the summer whaling idiots in the solar plexus. I MISS 1989 NEW JERSEY.

      • Check out the Weird NJ page too.

  6. The more the video went on, the more I viewed the Topspin ride’s two arms and support beams as two indignant, petulant,cruel alien beings that were just absolutely toying with their terrified human lab rat prisoners.

    I was like, “Stop this madness, you MONSTERS! Those are real human lives you’re messing with! FOR SHAME!”

    • I felt this exact sort of disconnect with it, but I imagined it as a kindly giant robot, who, after the centuries long robot wars, was the last of his kind, and only had us to keep him company, and was jerkily, and hesitantly playing our favorite game where we (humans) are all “Use your big crazy robot arms made for destruction to shake us up! you are terrifying and it is fun for us!”. Poor fella! Don’t we get that having our fragile little lives in his giant robot hands reminds him of all of the millions that he slaughtered without a thought in the robot wars?! Can’t we see he’s in pain and needs a friend – not to be made into some sort of carnival act?! Ugh. we are the biggest jerks.

  7. That doesn’t look scary at all. But it definitely looks pukey. I would definitely puke.

  8. forests in russia seem better than american forests.

  9. The odds of this ride one day killing everyone on it are exactly 50/50, because it might land people-side-up and only kill some of them.

  10. Love roller coasters, but anything that swivels me around at high speeds? Nope.

    I already left my mark when leaving the Gravitron at Great Adventure when I was a kid.

  11. The music is the worst part!

  12. “Jenkins, this is good, but I need MORE SCARY.” -Supervisor of guy who designed this ride

  13. Unfortunately the video has been removed by the user :( I wanted to see it so much based on these comments.

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