As 2008 drew to a close, I quietly released Al Roker from jail. The fact of the matter is that I still find him to be an insufferable beacon of mediocrity, bobbing along in a tepid sea of condescending disingenuous inoffensiveness. But there are bigger threats in this world, namely Kathie Lee Gifford, who is a waking nightmare of venomous narcissistic spite in diamond shoes one size too small. She’s like a funny AIDS joke. Even if you laugh, you still recognize it’s cruel and inappropriate. People are actually dying from Kathie Lee Gifford all the time! In any case, I have a rule: I can only hate one person on the Today Show at any given time. If I ever find myself hating more than one person on the Today Show at any given time, that means that I am spending too much time thinking about the Today Show. And so, Kathie Lee Gifford went on the Worst People of 2008 list, and Al Roker was secretly released on his own recognizance.

UNTIL TODAY. Al was on the Howard Stern Show, and you know how it is with these guys and recidivism, whatever that means. At one point he was asked about his personal finances. Here’s what’s fucking lying in your neck of the woods:


Al Roker, “Today Show” host and weatherman was a great sport today on The Howard Stern Show. Al Roker spoke openly about his sex life, his salary and his controversial stomach stapling procedure.

Al Roker, “Today Show” host and weatherman, said he’s not sure if he’s a millionaire (yeah, right) and said he doesn’t really know what being a millionaire means. (yeah, right again). Stern said he read that Al Roker makes a million and a half a year and that Matt Lauer makes more than $13 million a year. Roker would only say that he’s paid “very fairly” by NBC.

Um, I’m willing to believe (I’m not willing to believe) that Al Roker doesn’t know whether or not he’s a millionaire because he’s too busy rubbing vaseline on his teeth and memorizing his rhyming dictionary so that the puns come quicker, but he absolutely knows what being a millionaire MEANS. This fucking guy. Such a man of the people. “I’m just like you, I don’t know what being a millionaire means! Der, who farted? Happy Birthday!” Unbelievable.

Hello, Warden. I believe you remember Mr. Roker. Straight to solitary? That makes sense.

Comments (17)
  1. DJ Tech Wizard  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 0

    i wonder how willard scott is compensated…?!

  2. those stern dudes coax THE WORST out of everyone – man, woman, or child. I say Roker is only half responsible for this.

    because the howard stern show is like a laxative for The Worst-ness. so maybe they can get a cell next to him for being an accessory.

  3. Yes, yes, that’s well and good, but am I the only one concerned that Al Roker is publicly talking about his sex life. Howard Stern must be stopped.

    • I am also gravely concerned. What if I happened to be listening to the Howard Stern show at that particular moment? I do not want to know any details of Al Roker’s s.. life. I can’t even type it.

      This is what I find most annoying about Al Roker: he thinks he is hilarious. I sincerely doubt that anyone in the studio is actually laughing with him. His MO is he makes a corny joke, he laughs & acts like he can’t finish his line about lake-effect snow because everyone else is laughing with him. No one is laughing with him.

      I’m really glad I found this website so I know that I’m not alone.

  4. BENJY  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 -21

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Eli!  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 0

      I’m going to believe that the above is the real Benjy Bronk from the Stern show.

      Because of all of the losers on that show who would pretend to be him?

  5. So, in the spirit (except not as ignorantly hateful) of the previous poster, I must say Gabe, your venom (points for use of the word ‘venomous,’ btw. it’s a fave) could be improved in some ways. I mean since so many of your posts are about your (admittedly, sensible) hatred of things that are The Worst, might you consider spicing it up by vlogging more of them?

    I mean, the lip synching. You can say a lot with it.

    And clearly there are haters to address!

    That is all.

  6. Ben  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 -1

    So is anyone gonna explain to me what a millionaire is? A ‘millionaire’ = humble pie, right?
    Al Roker is humble pie, so I get where he’s coming from.

    • Ben  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 -1

      I meant to say -a ‘millionaire’ = NOT humble pie

      This millionaire word can be a tricky customer.

  7. I really hate Ann Curry… she’s the teenage girl who thinks she gets the joke because she gets it after everyone. Al, i don’t hate as much, solely based on the fact that when the Blue Man Group stole someone’s pie and sat on it– Al said ‘Talk about your Piehole!’… my wife watches the today show.

  8. Rebecca  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 0

    Anne Curry is so damned earnest. It’s sort of annoying. Al is the absolute worst to be sure. He’s just terrible. Williard has been quietly losing his mind in front of us all for years and no one is doing anything about it. But it’s all too easy. The one that talks about food and diets and losing weight all the time is probably the saddest woman on TV. She never seems happy about anything. Or maybe we should just go back to basics and hate Gene Shalit some more. Campbell Brown Forever! Natalie Morales Never!

  9. I think the question we are all asking is, “who is this warden?” Is he or she also the worst? It seems that the ultimate punishment for being truly the worst would be to work at the jail where you belong. Please file that analogy under “Justice, Poetic.”

  10. joel mchale put Stains the dog in a segment with Al.

    not nice to Stains.

  11. edc  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 +1

    anne is too hot to be annoying. unlike katie.

  12. Smurf Face  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 0

    So wait… you’re saying you DON’T hate Kathie Lee anymore?

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