As someone who has held a job sitting in a cubicle typing up character-limited marketing descriptions of products no one wants, I understand how important it is to stay fresh and amuse yourself. I also understand genius when I see it. Whoever wrote this should have their own show. And then write the description of their own show.

Comments (15)
  1. My roommate at my last apartment noticed that description, and made a similar comment. We were then delighted to discover that a LOT of the FEARnet movies have similarly awesome descriptions. Check them out. The amusement is endless (except for when you have run through all the movies and then it ends).

  2. The description for “The Last House on the Left” (also FEARnet – coincidence????) was HYSTERICAL… but its gone now and I didn’t commit it to memory.

    i know – proof or it didn’t happen. you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

  3. Cable television? Aren’t we fancy…

  4. I just spent four minutes watching that Circle of Life video, even though I have a midterm in 1 hour 40 minutes, and need to get much more studying done.
    Because if you embed it videogum, I watch it. That is my videogum promise.
    Except, “Gizzie” was damn hard to justify.

    • When you have a midterm in 1 hour 40 minutes, you can somehow watch paint dry and find a reason to be interested. VG embeds are pretty great, but telling anyone that you watched the whole 4 mins of “Circle of Life” may need some serious explanashe.

      Good luck on your midterm! In a really weird move during my last final, the teacher passed out Fig Newtons (?) ==> I was obsessed with the packaging of Fig Newtons for 2.75 hours, the duration of the exam. Ask me a question about F.N.’s and I’ll give you a full nutritional analysis.

  5. chris  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 +2

    Did you see the first ‘Waxwork’ about the wax figures that come to life and kill people? Mark and Sarah survived that one. Unfortunately, so did a wax hand that followed Sarah home and killed her stepfather. Now people think Sarah did it. Stupid wax hand.

  6. Aside: High Tension is a pretty good horror flick. Fun to watch.

  7. i just remembered how much i love the music to the lion king.

  8. Yeah, the FEARnet copywriter is an underrated genius. He’s like the new Arcata Eye.
    I also feel that if FEARnet is going to capitalize the first part of their name, they might as well go the whole nine yards and officially make the change to FEAR!net.

  9. emma  |   Posted on Feb 10th, 2009 +3

    is that….brian from family guy in the background? does gabe….secretly love seth macfarlane?

  10. When is Gabe going to get his own show he can write descriptions for?

  11. The guy who writes those FEARnet descriptions is pretty great. I have an addiction to shitty horror movies so I’ve probably seen all of them at some point.

  12. Cory  |   Posted on Feb 11th, 2009 0

    I do this job for another on-demand channel. I tried to be funny one month and got yelled at. I’m jealous of the FEARnet guy.

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