I’m not sure what part of “a Blair Witch style Christian horror movie about porn” you’re really having trouble understanding. Have you never seen The Blair Witch Project? I think it came out in the ’90s? It was about a few kids who went camping in search of the “Blair Witch” and they ended up in a basement — it was scarier than I’m making it sound — and now the girl from it grows marijuana for a living. Remember? There was that part where her nose was running and it was parodied a lot, really just up until recently I feel like? Right. Sooooo. What’s the problem? It’s like that. Like, just imagine the style of that movie for a second. And now imagine that it’s Christian and about porn, and it’s called Harmless. You getting it yet?

Just a classic spooky tale of a man buying boxes of pornography and eventually ending up in a graveyard with the girl from The Ring. WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? (Via ChristianNightmares.)

Comments (35)
  1. It just goes to show, even outdated movie references can be Born Again.

  2. This will stop everyone from masturbating:

  3. I’ll wait for the porn parody, thank you.

    • I prefer to wait for Friedberg & Seltzer’s next project, a parody of the porn parody of the Christian Blair Witch parody about porn. The title is simply going to be “I Give Up.”

  4. So what am I supposed to do with this giant box of porn?

  5. Anyone else here work from home and have this trailer remind them to take advantage of the break possibilities that an office job doesn’t provide?

  6. This could also double as a promo spot for the new Kardashian show.

  7. I think Christians consider The Kids Are Alright a horror film.

  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Stupid idiot doesn’t know how to get free porn online.

  9. I wanna see the husband’s side of all this.

    “So I got my wife this really nice set of monogrammed hand towels for our anniversary, but she found the box under our bed and is totally convinced that it’s porn. She won’t even let me explain because of “the darkness” or something? Also, I’ve been seeing that girl from The Ring lurking around. So there’s that.”

  10. “Seven days…

    “Your rentals are due back in seven days, sir.”

  11. My sister was like, “You’ve got to get this event planner for your wedding! I know some of her ideas are. . . eccentric, but she’s soooo creative.” So, long story short, I happen to mention that I liked the Smiths during the 80′s and next thing I know, I end up in a graveyard for the rehearsal (I went to the wrong graveyard, my fault, not hers) with this whole “hair as a veil” concept that she got from some stupid movie. I totally freaked some guy out because I thought he was the photographer. My sister has been so wrong about so many things!

  12. “You know how we talked about before, how we want to document our family. Well, specifically, I would like to document myself looking at porn.”

  13. Stupid sound effect of static playing so loud, I thought she pointed to his box of porn and said, “This is not breakfast!”

    Also, when your bed is a boxspring on the floor, where do you hide a giant box of porn?

  14. To be fair, if the porn can be described as something both living and dead, I’d be a little worried too.

  15. SEX IS EVIL AND SCARY.

  16. so why is the girl from the ring in a prom dress?

  17. couldn’t they have made their bed at least… or put it on a frame…

  18. we have to protect the children. i certainly don’t want my children watching this and getting any funny ideas about trying to find my box o’ porn. won’t somebody please think of the children?

  19. But is it ok to jerk off to pics of Jesus on the cross?Bit late if it isn’t anyway.

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