Another straight-up knock out. Are you kidding me with this show? BOOM! SMOKE MONSTER KILLS THE KING OF NULLUS! Right off the bat we are up in this show’s guts. Then it’s just one thing after another. These guys are really going at it! You’ve got one thing after another with these guys. Poor Sir Jorah, though, am I right? He just wants to be Mr. Dragon so bad. He’s like (500) Days of Khalesi. And we learned this week that there are no functional mirrors in Quarth, otherwise that one bald dude would probably NOT look like that. “You can subscribe to the dark arts but it will make you look like this. [Hold up mirror.]” “No thanks!” Arya is probably going to be tried as an accessory to murder by Judge Joe Brown if he ever finds out what’s going on, but it’s fun. Kind of, though, right? I don’t think murder is supposed to be that fun, but it’s pretty fun. Get him! Get him weird guy! Also: Tyrion. Always: Tyrion. GAME OF THROOOOONNEESSSS!

Comments (71)
  1. Let’s all talk about Gendry’s sweaty, dirty, lovely torso.
    What a great conversation starter.

    • Oh yes. Yes yes yes. I’d go ahead and say that Gendry and his surprisingly toned torso were the Hottest in Westeros this week. If Jon Snow wants to keep his spot at #1 he needs to start taking off some of those thousands of pounds of fur he’s always sporting. It’s a fetching look, don’t get me wrong, but it COULD be better.

      • Jon Snow won this week, with his brooding and his face.
        But for real, take off that fur, buddy.
        Glam Rock is a summer look and winter is coming.

      • Um! Robb Stark is always #1 Hottest in Westeros!!

        But yeah ok this week:

        1) Robb Stark (I told you guys I refuse for him to ever leave #1)
        2) Gendry – YOWZA. Arya, girl I saw you check him out. GET IT GURL!
        3) Jon Snow
        4) Jon Snow’s hair billowing in the wind
        5) Dany (ok so not technically Westeros but whatever) – she looked so pretty smiling with her baby dragon!
        6) Tyrion
        7) Renly – R.I.P. RENLY!

    • Let’s all talk about what he looked like five years ago. That is to say, he was precious, but not THAT.

  2. Theon’s new buddy is Finchy!

  3. A WHOLE EPISODE WITH NO TITS AND NO FUCKING?????

    And strangely enough, in Qarth it is the fashion for women to go with one breast bared. The one time there is a reasonable excuse for some boobs and not even half a nipple. I think I’m starting to see the logic. Boobs in TV Game of Thrones are playing “opposite day” with boobs in book Game of Thrones.

    • I think I’ve found the rhythm (heh) of the show’s fucking. When shit starts to go down, on-screen fucking immediately ceases, unless it involves Lancel looking like a goober.*

      *Addendum to above point: Lancel starts looking like a goober.

      • Ahhh I see. The boobs and sexing is meant to hold the attention of the people who are interested in “action”, and are no longer necessary once the action presents itself. No sarcasm, I hadn’t put those together until now. Well the good news is, and I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying this, now that shit has started to go down the action will definitely hold up until the end of the season so we can be spared any more scenes like the one from last week.

  4. Shadowbabby scene was so rushed and matter of fact. Not enough WTFSPOOKY feeling. I felt like it had basically no impact after that pretty terrifying babbybirth.

    • I’ve been trying to keep up with the books as I’m watching, and I just read the Renly death scene the other night. I don’t mind how quick it went in the show because it kind of went that quick in the book. I had to re-read it to make sure I had actually read what I had actually read. Though I didn’t put the smoke-baby two and two together.

      • Can we also mention (can we?) that in the books his throat is slit? Arbitrary changes like this (having him stabbed through the back) really annoy me, which I recognize to be a very normal, adult response to a television show, but still. All in all, I thought that scene was horribly done.

        • You can for sure mention it, and you can definitely let it bug you, but this show is an adaptation. Things aren’t going to be 100% the book. Then it’d just be the book. As long as they don’t stray too far away, just chill.

          I’ve read all the Walking Dead comics. I tried my best to chill on the show considering it strayed from the source material almost immediately, yet somehow after the second season are back on track(?) with the books KIND OF.

          The difference between the two shows being that Game of Thrones fucking rules and Walking Dead is the worst, so having someone get stabbed through the heart instead of the throat is forgivable (it still gets the job done! He’s dead!). Unless of course his throat being slit in the books evolves into a major plot point later.

          I personally really loved that scene with the Shadow Stannis Vagina Smoke Monster. I was really surprised. Then I was like, “NO!” when it totally got Renly, AND, hey check this out– I was hoping he was still alive after the attack until Catelyn told Brienne he was dead, which couldn’t have happened if his throat was slit.

          The showrunners know hat they’re doing, guys. Just like my impatient friend who’s read the books and gets all torqued out of shape when the Dire Wolves aren’t huge from BIRTH, or Davos hasn’t nervously clutched at his bag o’ fingerbones as many times as he has in the book, I say CHILL. It’s a good show.

          • I get that, I do, I guess my point is more changes to the story that don’t need to happen; whether you stab him in the chest or slit his throat is rather arbitrary–I don’t think an argument can be made for one method being more suited for television and a televised narrative than the other, and certainly it wasn’t changed to justify classifying the show as an ‘adaptation’–and so, when dealing with a major scene, why not leave the arbitrary details the same? I don’t think I’m making my point very clearly….in the end I was just really underwhelmed, in more ways than just this one, by the scene. The version in the book was so much better, while the shows version rung a tad hollow…

            And the whole “chill, it’s a good show” is such a non-point. Good shows can still be criticized and picked over, I’d even contend that this applies even more when they’re adaptations such as this, and by doing so I am not taking away from the quality or my enjoyment of the show. “Chilling” and evaluating are not mutually exclusive.

          • I think it’s a valid point. By “Chill, it’s a good show” I am saying “Don’t get bent out of shape over arbitrary differences that do not matter in the grand scheme of things, and hey, the show is pretty damn good, if that’s any consolation.”

            Also, I’m not arguing the point of one method being more suited for a televised format than another. Adaptations are adaptations. By their very nature, the things they adapt change in the process. Names get changed to avoid confusion since we’re seeing characters, not reading their names. Davos’ finger bones are from his right hand instead of his left because the actor is left-handed. Separate characters are combined into a single character.
            New characters are created to fill a role (like the Lannister cousin messenger going between Rob Stark’s army and King’s Landing).

            If I was to hazard a guess why stabbing Renly through the heart with a ghost knife was more suited for television than a slit throat, I would probably say it was cheaper for the fx team to animate droplets of blood on an animated ghost knife with the actor coughing up a blood capsule than to animate a whole neck’s-worth of blood bleeding all over the place with a ghost knife, hand and arm in frame. Whether it was a creative decision or a budget concern, it still got the job done, and was still impactful.

            Words on a page have an advantage over film, actors and sets. All it takes is your imagination to conjure it all up and make it as cool as you want, and it’s all free. It’s hard to make one person’s imagination happy, let alone every single viewer of a television show.

            I haven’t read the books. The scene worked fine for me. You’ve read the books, and you are underwhelmed. Do you see what I’m saying? Don’t sweat the details.

          • Shoot. And by “Don’t get bent out of shape” I just meant it doesn’t help with your enjoyment if you allow little things to bother you. That’s why I keep referring to the grand scheme of things. The major beats.

            Like, If Ned Stark didn’t die at the end of season 1 and instead was alive throughout all of this season, running around and doing stuff he never did in the book, and THEN they finally beheaded him, then there would be major cause for concern, justifiably so, and ESPECIALLY if the show and Ned Stark were both terrible. But that hasn’t happened. They’re still staying close to the source material.

            I’m not saying your feelings about that scene are wrong. Your feelings are your feelings. My sentiments just don’t coincide with yours on this particular subject. I do not have the knowledge that things in the show are different from the book. I never read them and pictured scenes in my mind’s eye. If the general consensus is “that scene was better in the book,” then I look forward to reading the book. But right now we are all watching the show, and it is pretty damn good. That is all I meant.

      • It wasn’t the quickness that bothered me. I like that it was sudden, but it was just one really boring shot. I felt like there was a lot more sort of terror and darkness in that scene in the book. I also would have loved a shot from outside the tent of renly being killed in silhouette, which I think is described in the book (or i imagined when I read it?). I just kind of think something like that could have been handled much more stylishly.

        I do think it’s a really good show, and most of the changes don’t bother me, I just think this scene could have been really impressive and wasn’t.

        • I kind of agree about the silhouette part, but I think it would have been tough to pull off on TV, though not impossible. There seemed to be a little confusion at first as to what had happened (in the book), but they all sort of agree that they didn’t see an actual person do the killing, and accepted that it was an apparition. I think they just sort of cut to the chase on the apparition part for the TV show, so the characters saw something do it, they’re not sure what it was, but they kind of accept that it was some sort of magic. That seems kind of weird to me since there hasn’t really been all that much magic in Westeros to this point.

          • There hasn’t been much magic, but there used to be loads. It went away when the dragons died. The characters in Westeros don’t know that dragons are alive again, but that’s why more and more magical things are happening. They probably just see it as evidence of the power of this strange new god.

      • It does happen really quickly in the books. Renly was just about my favorite character at the time, but I didn’t find it absolutely heartbreaking so much as shocking/a reality check.

  5. You guys, I feel like Ser Davos could have worked just a little bit harder when he was trying to warn Stannis about Melisandre. How did he not just scream “I saw a shadow monster come out of her pussy and I’m pretty sure it murdered your brother!”

  6. Guys, I just came out of my underground bunker I’ve been living in since this show started so I began watching it from the beginning on HBO Go recently and I have a question for you guys. How long did it take all of you to start picking up character’s names and their relationships to eachother? I’m only 3 episodes in, but so far I just know people by their respective facial hair styles.

    • I think I started to pick it up about the second or third time I watched particular episodes. I struggled with that too. And actually, if you watch the whole series, then go back and watch again, you pick up A LOT more. I don’t want to give anything away, but there were characters who were introduced fairly quickly, who played big roles later on. Problem was, I didn’t remember them from their introduction when their big roles came up. Watching a second (and third) time helped a lot.

      • Cool. Because the only names I know are John Snow and Joffrey, and that’s only because Joffrey looks like my little cousin which makes me really want to punch my little cousin

        • If you’re watching on HBO Go, you should switch on that interactive feature. It reminds you who’s who while you’re watching. It’s awesome!

    • It takes time, but if you check out A Wiki of Ice and Fire you can learn more about what’s going on. Obviously there are spoilers, but I found that I was able to learn stuff without having too much given away. And to be honest, I feel like some of the small spoiler-ish stuff I picked up enhanced my enjoyment of the show.

    • I use Game of Thrones wiki!! For name and picture association and any (many) plot points I missed.

  7. what about the whole intense catelyn/brienne swearing oaths lovefest? what did they even say to eachother after that? how much of a dramatic pause was there before one of them was like “excuse me i have to go poop in the woods”

  8. “Plots and schemes are the same things.” -Tyrion.

  9. If someone told me that a major character would be killed in the first two minutes by some shadow monster that just crawled out of a priestesses vagina at the beginning of this season I probably would not have believed them.

  10. This show is my new Battlestar/LOST in that it’s the show everyone gets together with their friends and watches as a group every week and it’s great and I love it.

  11. I’m glad to see our old buddy found some work after Lost

  12. At this point I think Arya might be my favorite character/storyline in the show. I’m hard pressed to come up with an example of a better child character, and acting job, in a television drama. Honestly, I can’t think of one, at least not off the top of my head.

    Her exchange with Tywin Lannister was so good, but when she said anyone can be killed, just chills due to Maisie Williams delivery of the line.

    • Right? Scenes like that make me feel grateful that Arya is my favorite character in these books and this show; her scenes are just…the best. She went toe-to-toe with Charles Dance! And I don’t think she’s even had any previous acting experience. Holy crap.

      If looks could kill, everyone in Harrenhall would have been dead from the look Arya gave at that moment.

    • Ah that part bugged me! The book makes a huge point that Arya NEVER talks to Tywin Lannister it made me so mad when she became his cupbearer…Yeah I know what it’s called

  13. I’m worried about Daenerys and these guys.
    RIP Pimp C

  14. I loved the shot in Winterfell when the guy sent that big-honking messenger crow out through the window. That was all kinds of cool.

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