Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi, Kelly
Kelly: How has your day been
Gabe: pretty good
Gabe: a pretty standard day
Gabe: here in America
Gabe: the Greatest Country on Earth
Kelly: Sure
Kelly: Can’t complain about that
Kelly: My day has been fine too, THANKS FOR ASKING
Gabe: sorry, Kelly, but i feel like it’s important
Gabe: that we keep the lines very clearly drawn
Gabe: you are my employee, i don’t want to hear about your personal life
Gabe: just GET TO WORK
Kelly: Fine.
Gabe: oh and how about A LITTLE LESS TALK BACK
Gabe: one Tweet from me and you’ll never blog in this town again
Kelly: FINE I UNDERSTAND, GABE.
Gabe: DO YOU? BECAUSE THIS FEELS A LOT LIKE TALK BACK STILL, WHICH WE JUST DISCUSSED
Kelly: But also I’m going to get a haircut later, which I’m excited for, and my day has been fine!
Kelly: Now you know!!!!!!
Gabe: OH JESUS CHRIST, KELLY

Gabe: THE WORK DAY ISN’T OVER YET, I HOPE YOU ARE FOCUSED ON LINDSAY LOHAN’S RECENT CASTING AS ELIZABETH TAYLOR
Gabe: WHICH IS YOUR JOB
Gabe: AND NOT YOUR HAIRCUT
Gabe: WHICH IS LEISURE
Gabe: seriously, though, what are you thinking? The Rachel?
Kelly: The Rachel w/ zooey bangs
Gabe: she only got those bangs because she hates her forehead
Gabe: and THAT is a New Girl reference
Gabe: for all the New Girl heads out there
Kelly: I KNEW IT WAS!
Kelly: I don’t hate my forehead but I’d be getting them in solidarity
Kelly: Solidarity with fans of The New Girl
Kelly: Anyway this has been A LOT of chat about my haircut, Gabe, can you please stay out of my private life?
Kelly: Also: Did you watch Obama on Late Night last night?
Gabe: not really, but i heard about it somewhere
Gabe: i think it was on someone’s tumblr or something
Gabe: now that you mention it where DID i see that?
Gabe: so random
Gabe: almost missed it
Gabe: what’s he up to?
Gabe: was he promoting a new movie?
Kelly: Oh, no, I don’t know
Kelly: It seemed like he was promoting student loans
Gabe: love those things
Kelly: Him too, apparently. Would not shut up about them.
Kelly: So would you say that the fact Obama was on Jimmy Fallon’s show last night
Kelly: A. Made you want to vote for him
Kelly: B. Made you NOT want to vote for him
Kelly: or
Kelly: C. You aren’t voting
Gabe: great questions!
Kelly: Thanks

Gabe: still on the fence
Gabe: hoping Herman Cain gets back in the mix
Kelly: Oh, sure
Gabe: and we’ll have to compare
Gabe: Mitt Romney’s inevitable
Gabe: late night comedy debut
Gabe: see how he does
Gabe: before we make any decisions
Gabe: on who should run the country
Kelly: You’re right. It’s too early to say.
Gabe: “I vote for the guy I most want to Slow Jam the Beers with”
Kelly: “I vote for the guy who would agree to appear with Stefon on Weekend Update.”
Gabe: the grand tradition of politicians appearing on comedy shows is so wonderful, don’t ever stop doing that, politicians!
Gabe: love it
Gabe: it’s always funny AND it provides a good understanding of their policy positions and leadership effectiveness
Kelly: Well, Mitt Romney seems to be a true stickler for putting the comedy first from his quote, “Of course it would depend on the nature of the skit. I want it to be funny.”
Gabe: hahaha
Gabe: if there is one person who you just trust
Gabe: to know whether something is funny or not
Gabe: it’s Mitt Romney
Kelly: Right
Gabe: he’s the Commander in Laffs
Kelly: He’s not just going to do ANY skit, just to show his big face off
Gabe: if you’re a comedy writer in America and Mitt Romney’s heading to the studio
Gabe: get out the red pen
Gabe: because he’s about to make you kill your babies or whatever
Gabe: he’s pro life except when it comes to BAD JOKES
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: ugh
Kelly: Well
Kelly: SNL’s Seth Meyers thinks that appearing on SNL won’t help Mitt Romney anyway
Gabe: will it help anyone?

Gabe: i honestly don’t understand why anyone does these things
Kelly: It helped LINDSAY LOHAN
Kelly: jk it didn’t
Gabe: it seems like such a lose-lose situation
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: I mean, I think that the only reason a lot of people do them
Kelly: Is because if you don’t
Kelly: Then it’s like A THING
Kelly: That you didn’t
Gabe: best case scenario, people who already like you will continue to like you
Gabe: the people who don’t like you will like you even less
Kelly: Right
Gabe: but even the people who might like you
Gabe: might like you less
Gabe: and the people who like you more because of it
Gabe: are BUFFOOOOONS
Kelly: Who knows, Gabe
Kelly: It’s just an idea that has been embedded in our cultural worldview
Kelly: That if someone is running for office
Kelly: They should probably go on SNL and poke fun at themselves
Kelly: Because if they don’t they are not loose enough
Kelly: To be president of the united states
Kelly: Has Obama ever been on SNL?
Gabe: yes
Gabe: he was on SNL very early on
Gabe: http://www.hulu.com/watch/19048/saturday-night-live-clinton-halloween-party
Kelly: Oh, right, ok
Gabe: i agree with you about the
Gabe: comparison thing
Gabe: like, if one candidate does it
Gabe: then the other one has to do it
Gabe: or else he looks like a stick in the mud
Gabe: or SOMETHING
Kelly: Yeah
Gabe: which is ridiculous
Kelly: Yes, certainly ridiculous
Kelly: Because rarely are the candidates NOT sticks in the mud
Kelly: On the show anyway
Gabe: well there are two issues
Gabe: 1. even non-sticks in the muds can be unfunny on a tv show
Gabe: 2. not being a stick in the mud isn’t a prerequisite to being president
Gabe: which brings me back
Gabe: to the lose-lose proposition
Gabe: i mean, that’s the crazy thing also, right?
Gabe: you are running for president of the united states
Gabe: but you’re worried about being thought to be a stick in the mud
Gabe: WORRY ABOUT SOME OTHER STUFF, MY MAN!

Kelly: Hahah
Gabe: there are a lot of things for the president to be worried about
Gabe: besides whether or not people enjoy his Gilly sketch
Kelly: I mean
Kelly: In a perfect world a person’s vote would not be influenced
Kelly: based on whether or not the candidate seemed like a stick in the mud
Kelly: But probably sometimes that is at least a contributing factor?
Kelly: To SOME people?
Gabe: sure
Kelly: And a vote is a vote
Gabe: i mean, there is research that shows that the president is actually decided
Gabe: by whether or not it’s raining out
Gabe: on election day
Kelly: haha
Kelly: sure
Kelly: I guess then, like you have been saying, just as likely there are people whose vote would be influenced another way, if they thought the person wasn’t taking their job seriously enough
Kelly: By wasting time on comedy shows
Kelly: so who even cares
Gabe: right
Gabe: just quit
Gabe: everybody quit it
Gabe: i will vote for the first presidential candidate
Gabe: who refuses to participate in this silliness
Kelly: WHOA
Kelly: You said that in a chat, you can’t take that back
Gabe: i’m not taking it back
Kelly: What if Mitt Romney doesn’t find a skit funny enough to participate in????
Gabe: then i will vote for him
Kelly: :-0
Gabe: look
Gabe: for one thing
Gabe: there are very few candidates in the history of politics
Gabe: who have been more desperate for people to like them and have flailed harder to get them to do so
Gabe: than Mitt Romney
Gabe: that fucker is going to be on Weekend Update with vaseline on his teeth
Gabe: before this chat is over
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: You are right
Gabe: his momentary hesitation
Gabe: is like when Barack Obama refused to wear an American flag pin in 2008
Gabe: except that the flag pin thing actually seemed to have a genuinely thoughtful principal behind it
Gabe: and Mitt Romney is just scared that one of the prop Gabe: walls on a fake SNL game show will fall down
Gabe: and rip the skin sheath over his robot exoskeleton
Gabe: and we’ll all see the gears smoking behind his smile
Kelly: LOL they should do that as his sketch
Gabe: LOL or Die

Comments (34)
  1. I know all the Obama stuff is totally scripted and often by Daily Show writers and the whatnot, but the guy has delivery. His stuff last year at the Correspondents Dinner was honestly great. And you can have all the best writers in the world, but if your delivery is terrible… it won’t work. And maybe he really *is* funny. His joke about Cheney being the black sheep of the family in ’08 still makes me giggle.

    I’m not totally happy with everything he’s passed, but goddamn if that man isn’t charming.

    And President Obama, if you’re reading this (and I know you are), I would *love* to join you for a night at George Clooney’s house. Thank you for asking.

  2. But did facetaco find it charming?

  3. You guys. I found the perfect candidate for Gabe.

  4. It always weirds me out seeing Obama go on these shows. I’m used to seeing candidates or former presidents go on talk shows, but not the current president. I know he has a message to deliver, but it somehow seems beneath the status of the office. No Republicano.

  5. If I was President I would make SNL write me a sweet Blues Brothers sketch using a hologram of John Belushi, the Candygram Land Shark, and Taran Killam would play Dan Akyroyd before he was a great big fat person, and then we’d do the robot while wielding machetes, and then Paul Reubens would reprise his role as ‘Waiter,’ and we’d accost a family dining and do the “How much for your duaghter? Sellme your children!” bit. Who wants an Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three orange whips! I’m the president.

    • And the rich family dining would be Jason Sudeikis playing Mitt Romney and all his sons and daughters. Does he have daughters? For the sake of the sketch, I’ll have the writers give him daughters for the Blues Brothers to attempt purchasing. And we’ll need Mr. Wonderful, of course, or else the whole thing won’t work.

  6. are mormons even allowed to be out when it’s dark outside?

  7. For some reason, Kelly’s “shocked” emoticon was the best part of this chat. I LOLed, FOR REAL. Great work, Kelly! I hope you made that face in real life!

  8. Nobody’s ever gonna top Nixon on Laugh In, nobody.

  9. Ok I don’t know if this has been brought up before, but I am just going to take a moment to say how much I fucking hate the new upvote/downvote thing. Is it really necessary to tell me that something is “well loved” or a “hot debate”? Or even to say “Like or Dislike”? Who isn’t getting that by the thumbs up/down images? I like being able to see how many downvotes as well as upvotes but this is redundant and obnoxious.

    Sorry to go on a rant it just seemed like it wasn’t broken but nope they just HAD to fix it.

    • I’m sure THESE GUYS* know exactly what you’re talking about

      *stock photo of starving third world kids

    • Hot Debate. What do you think?

    • It’s terrible. But I disagree that separating the upvotes and downvotes is an improvement. It feels like the gate has come unlatched on a truck bed full of apples.

    • I just said basically the same thing in a reply to bad idea jeans’s comment in the MTV Movie Awards thread, because her comment was the first time I saw the pink ‘Hot Debate’ function, and it flipped my shit.

      “What do I think? WHAT DO I THINK?!?! HULK SMASH!!!”

      Also, with the 4 SEPARATE COLORS for the upvote icon, downvote icon, and the two numbers with each, as well as the yellow boxes they occasionally sit atop of, it keeps reminding me of the colors in a bowl of soggy Froot Loops where the milk is totally not the color of milk anymore, and I get grossed right the fuck out.

      Also, I’ve never had to type out ‘Froot’ before, and I don’t like it.

    • Last time this happened, it was a bug and not an intentional change. Hopefully that’s the case again? I just find it confusing.

      • I don’t like it because usually the comments here are pretty well crafted and end with some sort of punchline but then I keep going and accidentally read “Like or Dislike,” forgetting that it’s not part of the person’s actual comment and I was supposed to stop reading, and it spoils whatever pithy little impact the comment had. It’s like, say you’re walking down the street and some guy is playing the violin with his case open on the ground before him. You know the case is there because he wants you to throw change in it but that’s fine because his playing is nice. Now imagine if that guy stopped playing every time someone passed him and pointed at the case while wiggling his eyebrows and going, “Ah? Ah? So how about it?” The new “Like or Dislike” feature is turning us all into that obnoxious hypothetical probably insane violin guy.

    • Agreed. I wouldn’t mind it as much if there weren’t so many different colors. I do like to see the downvotes and upvotes.

      Also, as much as I appreciate one of my comments yesterday being labeled “well loved” – it only had 4 or 5 upvotes. So pretty much everyone’s comments are well loved? Seems like an unnecessary label in the first place, but if it has to be there, at least increase the number of upvotes to qualify.

    • But did the new format ever go on SNL?

  10. “one Tweet from me and you’ll never blog in this town again”
    Love the variation on the always hilarious “You’re fired!”

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