For years, the lower classes have enjoyed eating contests with foods such as hot dogs, pies, probably White Castle hamburgers, probably lard, etc., as members of the upper class watched from the sidelines in joyless envy. “Certainly we would love to participate in such a tremendous display of waste, especially on account of how many hungry people there are all over the world, ha-ha, oh my, my heart flutters at the mere thought of it, but hot dogs? Certainly we couldn’t participate in an eating contest featuring such a food as the ‘hot dog,’” said the wealthy (English) person I’ve imagined. Well, I’m pleased to announce that those wealthy (imaginary?) (but really, probably NOT imaginary!) (#occupyhotdogs) people are IN LUCK! Yay, hooray for them! Finally something is going right! This past week in Russia, a few lucky yuckies participated in an eating contest, consuming over $70,000 of caviar in, I don’t know, two minutes? I’m not sure how long it took. Look at how much it was worth it and how totally enjoyable it was!

Bring! It! Here! To! A-! -merica! We! De-! -serve it! This! Is! Our thing! Give! It! Back! (Via BuzzFeed.)

Comments (12)
  1. Well they’re out of pincecones, they’ve gotta eat SOMETHING!

  2. That’s more eggs than Smash Mouth ate!

  3. They eat so unhurriedly! You can’t rush a Russian, I suppose. Still, it didn’t seem like much of a contest, it just went to the guy who ate a little tiny bit faster than normal speed.

  4. Russian Billionaires are OUR generation’s 1%.

  5. They’re not truly classy until they have a Grey Poupon eating contest.

  6. Do they dip their hot dogs in vodka during the hot dog eating contests in Russia?

  7. this has got nothing on my country club’s gold-flaked lobster eating contest. Albert Cassimer III, Esq. won last year when he ate an entire tail [!!!] and threw away the remaining 60 lbs. on his plate.

    • Haha. Now I’m imagining a “clear your plate” contest, where it’s perfectly acceptable to just scrape your food in a bin and declare yourself the winner.

  8. “I’m not hosting a free-for-all for a bunch of hill people who are going to eat off the floor with their hands!”

    -PFT

  9. It’s not a real eating contest unless people dive face first into the food. Ick.

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