Parks and Recreation returns to the NBC Thursday night lineup tonight after a lengthy hiatus. All our old friends! Leonard and Don and Tim and Avril! Stan and Candy and John Mouthio! Such fun to be had, I’m sure. But everything’s better when there’s alcohol involved (except: driving, flying, surgical procedures, raising children, and most experiences of genuine “value”) or at least TV is slightly better when there’s a moderate and responsible amount of alcohol involved and the conceit of this post is just to bring up structural and/or joke patterns on a TV show we like so can we get to it already? The rules are that you drink every time:

-Leslie is enthusiastic about something terrible.
-Anne shows up at the office even though she’s a nurse I thought?
-Ron talks about being a man like a parody of a GQ magazine cover article about barbecue.
-Tom makes up a word that sounds like a word my mom would make up after getting an email forward.
-Andy is the best.
-April looks at the camera the way Jim on The Office used to look at the camera.
-Ben is the straight man.
-Chris uses the word “literally” even though that “joke” feels like it’s getting kind of unfun at this point.
-Donna is just sitting at her desk.
-Someone is mean to Jerry for no particular reason other than that’s a trope now.
-Waffles.
-A reference is made to the grand and illustrious history of Pawnee as the explanation for what has brought us through the ages finally to this particular episode.
-Something happens that you know you will see as a GIF on the Internet tomorrow.

Please do not actually play this game. Welcome back old friends!

Comments (37)
  1. Bring on the snake juice!

    • Guys! Nick Offerman came to my campus yesterday for his American Ham show and it was so excellent! He did this Snake Juice dance for a lil bit at the end and now it’s safe to say my life is fully complete.

  2. Is there something you want to tell us? It seems like you have some problems with the show.

  3. “-Something happens that you know you will see as a GIF on the Internet tomorrow.”

  4. Oh hi, alcohol poisoning!

  5. Can’t I just have a drink because I’ve been writing code all week until 2 or 3 a.m. and then putting that code into a spreadsheet and now I have to go back and fix like 500 pages because of course all references to ____ have to be taken out after I combed through the entire mega site and microsites and holy shit this EXCEL file is going to kill me.

    And by “a drink” I mean a giant bottle of wine? Cougartown knows what I’m talking about.

    • “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” Just like my alcohol consumption after work.

      • I actually heard a rimshot in my head after reading this.

        • That was supposed to be a reply :(

          • This was my original post (switched so it doesn’t trigger a spam alert):

            Can’t I just have a drink because I’ve been writing code all week until 2 or 3 a.m. and then putting that code into a spreadsheet and now I have to go back and fix like 500 pages because of course all references to X,Y,Z have to be taken out after I combed through the entire mega site and microsites and holy shit this EXCEL file is going to kill me.

            And by “a drink” I mean a giant bottle of wine? Cougartown knows what I’m talking about.

  6. I’ve been trying out an Office drinking game lately which is pretty much just “drink until it’s funny”. I usually end up giving up 15 minutes in and playing videogames.

  7. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  8. I’m playing this game but with heroin instead of alcohol. Wish me luck everyone!

  9. Whatever, grandpa Gabe, I’m way too excited to have Parks and Recreation back! YOU CAN’T RUIN THIS FOR ME! YOU’RE NOT MY DAD!

  10. Leonard likes this post!

  11. I watch nbc’s Thursday night shows on Friday morning, so it looks like I’ll be going to work pretty hammered…

  12. Every time you remember Paul Schneider used to be on this show.

    • I read something where his character was based on a guy that would work in a local government office for a while until all of his idealism was burned up and then would quit for a year and then come back and repeat and that’s why Paul Schneider was [temporarily] gone, but now I am starting to think whoever said that was being DISINGENUOUS

  13. Drink every time your heart melts.

  14. What happened at the end of this thread?

  15. What does she think of The Place NYC?

  16. i’ve always said the key to financial success was prayer and puzzles.

  17. Woof!

  18. That is a very specific amount. Why did she share this info with you? It seems rather personal.

  19. Guys, this seems pretty legit. Let’s get ready to get blessed and follow clues!

  20. Online Money Campaign feels like a secret cave. I felt like I was transported, like I was in another world or on vacation or something. Blueberries.

  21. But where does she meet older men??

  22. Robert Downer Darko Boner

  23. I can’t believe I just typed those words in that order.

  24. Wow, now I look like an insane person.

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