Oh, stop your complaining. Who HASN’T been forced to sit in their own (if they’re lucky) “diarrhea poop” for hours and then handed a garbage bag and told to wrap yourself up at some point? And this is news now?! LOLOLOLJKJKJLOLOLOLOL. This is a horrible story, and thank you to these Woodwards and Bernsteins for breaking it wide open. Due to their hardwork and tough scoops, I’m pretty sure we can confidently throw EVERYONE in jail now? Like, teacher obviously. Do not pass GO, teacher. And the principal who reluctantly agreed that OK, in retrospect, after MUCH deliberation, perhaps forcing a child to sit in “diarrhea poop” for hours and refusing to help her or clean it up and probably charging her five cents for the trash bag because trash bags don’t grow on trees you know, although it’s funny to imagine a trash bag tree that’d be a funny tree (!) is not an appropriate school policy and who promises to take another look at the school’s policy and see if it needs any adjustment at the next curriculum meeting four months from now should also go to jail. But uh, the dad miiiiiiiiiiight need to go to jail. I’ll leave that up to the judge to decide, but any parent whose main argument concerning the psychological abuse that the school to which he entrusted his precious children inflicted on them is to counter with the vaguely understood idea that if he himself were to do the same thing, HOWEVER MUCH HE MIGHT WANT TO, he would be in trouble so the school should definitely be in trouble because you aren’t just allowed to do that to a kid, are you? No, right? Or is it yes?! Can I whoops I MEAN CAN THE SCHOOL allow my daughter to sit in “diarrhea poop” all day? Asking for a friend. Rest your case, dad. AND GET ON THE JAIL BUS. (Thanks for the tip, werttrew.)

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Comments (42)
  1. SO BUMMED that my own story about pooping pants at school wasn’t voted as the top story.

  2. When did they start having tests in Kindergarten? I went to kindergarten a long time ago, and my memories may not be perfect since I was a 5-year-old, but I don’t think we had tests. Anyone here know differently?

    • I don’t remember. I think that sounds a bit odd though.

    • They had them when I was there, but the only questions on there were “Who is your daddy?” and “What does he do?”

    • I don’t remember tests either. I just remember learning how to zip a zipper and read three-letter words. However, I think, as a result of No Child Left Behind, all kindergartners are required to have some knowledge of maths and write a five sentence paragraph by the end of the year. Incidentally, the paragraph must be about fecal incontinence.

      • Bingo – due to state and federal education programs, Kindergarten students may be required to take tests to show they are learning stuffs. My mother is a tutor and had to teach kids how to identify 3-dimensional shapes. I can’t remember if it was Kindergarten or 1st graders, but it was some pretty serious stuff for young kids.

        Please return to your funny comments now.

    • Actually, YES! I just remembered! When I was in kindergarten, I had a horrible teacher who didn’t know anything! We had a test where we had to circle all of the squares on the page, and I circled an equilateral diamond, because it was a square resting on one of its corners, and she marked it wrong! The whole thing actually started a big fight between her and my mother, and I had to deliver their nasty notes to each other. I’ll bet she TOTALLY would have made me sit in poop, given the opportunity!

      • Dude, that’s a rhombus. What a stupid baby you must have been.

        • I was the smartest kid in my whole damn class! The kid who acted the best at nap time got a prize every day, and I won my very first day there because I was the only one who actually slept! My prize was a Michael Bolton poster. TOTALLY worth it.

    • I THINK I did, but that might have just been the time I ate a pack of crayons.

  3. “I’m Pooping”

    *****MORE NEWS AT 11*****

  4. Where’s Jerry when you need him?

  5. Did her last name HAVE to be Skidmore?

  6. “You can’t make a six-year-old go to the bathroom on demand like that”. Ummm… yes you can, actually.

  7. The dad looks so drunk and probably has shitty panties himself.

  8. Damn, this story is bringing up a certain bad memory from elementary school. Or as I like to call it: Fuck you, Sr. Mary Rita!

  9. I just don’t get the logic here. Like even if you hate kids and want them to suffer like that (gross), YOU have to suffer too…that smell would be awful! Did this woman not have a nose?

  10. Forgetting for a moment the larger issues that this story indirectly brings up (a discussion about the appropriateness of standardized testing for children so young, the teacher’s REAL DUMB explanation that she was just “trying to prepare the little girl for what will happen in third grade–oh really? she’s gonna shit her pants then too??), can we just say HOW STUPID and UNACCEPTABLE it is for a teacher to disregard a child’s plea to go to the restroom, ever? Like, even if the kid was given the opportunity to go to the bathroom earlier but didn’t do it, is it REALLY a good idea to punish her now by making her SHIT HERSELF IN PUBLIC? Is that even humane???? Really really disturbing!!

  11. Long time no comment, but I have to take a moment to defend the dad. I don’t see how any of what he said can be construed to mean what was described in the post. It was a tiny tidbit of what was probably a longer interview, and I never saw anything that suggested he was ok with this situation. My interpretation would be that he was trying his hardest to calm his rage on camera, but again, that’s just an interpretation. All he said was that schools don’t allow any kids to have poopy pants. Maybe it’s a southern thing, but it surprised me to see that much disconnect between the video and the post when I normally think things are spot on here. I think the teacher should be fired. Southerner rant over.

    • Yeah, my dad is not from the South, but I can see him getting so mad in this case that he’d say something that makes everyone go “huh?” Like “That teacher should definitely be fired but thanks to union rules I don’t even know if it’s possible and by this time tomorrow forget it, you’ll be back to reporting on Trayvon.” Great, thanks Dad, now everyone thinks we’re racist AND poopy. Ugh.

  12. Coming in late, but I must take issue. I believe this is the NUMBER TWO story.

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  13. Where is Joe Mande at? I’d like to hear an experienced opinion on this crappy pants debate.

  14. Once it breaks to national news, that shit’s really gonna hit the fan…

  15. What a nice little microcosm of a failed education system.

  16. This story gave me flashbacks. In 1st grade I was unruly and the teacher hated me. At some point she started to exclude me from lessons because I’d keep talking, tilt my chair till I fell backward, ask ridiculous questions, make fart noises in my armpit — I was a regular Sandler. Anyway she solved the hotspur problem by putting me in a remote corner and letting me draw all day. Worked for me!

    One day, I fell in the snow on the way to school, and my pants were soaking wet. She had a box of dry clothes for just this occasion. But she wouldn’t give me dry pants. “They won’t fit,” she said, without even checking. “You’ll have to sit here,” and she made me sit on the radiator all morning.

    Actually it kind of worked. But I remember feeling like a Real Freak up there, in wet pants, instead of the way I normally felt in that class, which was like the Best Drawer.

    Shorter version: This girl will remember this.

  17. I’m from the Springfield area, and I can attest that our news is this crappy (sorry) on a daily basis. It should be broadcast nationally for LOL purposes.

  18. @ 0:32, I need to point out, the girls last name is Skidmore

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