I know the economy is bad and stuff (nailed it, Nobel Prize), but Barack Obama needs to address the real threat to the future of American preeminence, which is too much fucking vampire stuff already. Enough! From Variety:

The CW is looking to take a bite out of the vampire craze, picking up a pilot based on the “Vampire Diaries” series of books.

“Vampire Diaries” comes from Alloy Entertainment, the same shingle whose past book series led to the Dub’s series “Gossip Girl” and “Privileged.”

Originally published in 1993 – which, as the CW took pains to note, was years before Stephanie Meyer launched her “Twilight” book franchise – “Vampire Diaries” revolves around a young woman whose torn between two vampire brothers. The The brothers – one good, one evil — are battling for her soul, and the souls of her pals, family and the small town where they live.

“Let me ask you this, is there more vampire stuff than there was four years ago?” That is what the Republicans are going to use in the 2012 debates to deny Obama a second term if he doesn’t get serious about how there is too much vampires I’m sick of it.

Just how many 12-year-old girls are there anyway? Will that market never be saturated? Why are they apparently in charge of everything? Where are my glasses? My hip just broke! I need a butterscotch toffee!

Do you guys know who Alloy Entertainment is, btw?

They’re a fucking marketing company. Here is how they describe themselves on their website:

Alloy Entertainment is a fully integrated entertainment company that develops and produces original books, television series, and feature films. The company originates entertainment properties and then partners with leading publishers, television networks and movie studios to deliver those properties to the world.

Basically what they do is use market research to come up with ideas that they think will be successful, and then they sell those ideas to publishers and movie studios. It’s not a bad business model, but it is a SAD business model. Sorry, Sheeple, did I shine too much truth light in your ignorance eyes?

Seriously, though, with the vampires. We get it. Sex is scary. Boys are immortal. Pick a new thing to beat to undeath please.

Comments (9)
  1. Gmarley  |   Posted on Feb 6th, 2009 +3

    It’s not that it’s “too much vampire stuff,” it’s more like “not enough Henson involvement.”

  2. What we need is more zombie stuff.

  3. Chadams  |   Posted on Feb 6th, 2009 -1

    Alloy Entertainment is a shingle. I don’t know how less jargon-y you can get without needing to refer to a manual. Shingle.

  4. i thought these books were taut psychological thrillers. when i read them. when i was a twelve year old girl.

  5. Mary Mouse  |   Posted on Feb 6th, 2009 0

    I think Alloy Entertainment were the perpetrators of the Kaavya Whatsherface plagiarism scandal. So this bodes well. Not really.

  6. Another fun fact: Alloy Marketing owns Delia’s – which is basically the tween L.L. Bean and can be held responsible for every 8th grader in 1996 looking like Blossom.

  7. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  8. Can Stephanie Meyer suck it or what!?

  9. we need more tv series about sanguinarianism, Hematolagnia, and Renfield Syndrome. Enough romanticized homogenized vampires, it’s time for the disgusting, disgraceful and largely neglected realities that have partly come out of and partly inspired the vampire myth. Y’know, real fun!

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